Awaiting Treatment

[Jen1d]

Hi

Just home and you wont be surprised to know i had another shit day.

Had pains in my tum last night, which i never get. Anyway got up this morning af is here
Then on my way to training i got a call from the consultants secretary to say my op would be on Dec 9th---burst into tears when i put the phone down as i wanted it in Nov as they said yesterday. Now i wont be able to have ET until Jan. I might get a cancellation but with our luck at the moment, i'm not holding my breath.

Then got to my CALM training (restraints), only to be told we cant go home at 1, all staff have to complete the 8hr shift so i had to go to work after it. Nearly died as i feel so crap and cant face it, plus i didnt sleep well again.

Anyway, pottered off to work, furious they have changed the rules and never told us. When i got there a member of staff said i looked as if i was going to cry---told her not to ask or i will---then everyone started to feel sorry for me but thankfully all that fuss was distracted in 10 mins as my 'prossie *****' yp was having another kick off and threw a book at me---well i jumped out of the chair and she never flew so fast down the corridor (my training refresher came in handy), her feet didnt touch the ground. Just the mood i'm in---know its to early to go back to work with these yp, different if i worked in an office or something but i cant sit depressed at home. Dont know whats wrong with me this time---i feel so miserable. Thankfully my boss let me go early although she has never asked me yet if i'm ok.

So now at home and just had a few tears, going to put my pj's on and chill.

I am thinking of you all and feel a bit selfish for talking about me just now but i am so drained and tired. Sorry, i will chat more soon.

Jayne - My case is packed

Love Jen x

[Angel505]

Jen,

I wish I could do those fancy sparklies......I'd sent you lots of lovely messages. Anyway, here's a huge cyber hug ((((((((( )))))))))))))).

You can talk about you all you like. Don't feel sorry about it. You're going through a very tough time, and if talking about you and your feelings help, then I say type away. I wish I could say something to make you smile, but I'll leave that to pequele and Becky.

Why don't you take some more time off work if you can. No point dragging yourself through that if its going to make you feel worse. Stay in your PJs, watch TV and have loads of choccies!

Anyway, really only wanted to say that you can talk to us about how you are feeling. As much as you like.

[ICSI GIRL]

yeah -- jen1 --- i'm w/ angel on this one..........you can chat us up to your little hearts content!!!! you're forgetting all of the WONDERFUL support you have provided throughout your tenure out here --- you've EARNED a right to just have a place to vent.....to cry....to have us just LISTEN TO YOU! don't feel selfish......is why we're here --- to support each other in our moments of need.....and now more than ever - we're here for YOU........and its ok for it to be ALL ABOUT YOU! (i'm feeling a bit like your therapist! - ha, ha)........i do have to admit, very selfishly --- that i was excited to read that you'd potentially be at ET time in january.....cuz that's when i'm hoping for ET as well ---- and knowing you as i do at this point ---- i absolutely could not HOPE for a better cycle buddy!

Hang in there sweet pea.......we're here for you.......you just talk away!

[The Beckster]

Hi Ladies,

Hope all is well, sorry ive been MIA but as most of u know - things been a tad up in the air (tad my arse! lol) Anyway - i still read ur posts and i came in today just to have a chin wag with Jen ....

Sweetheart, i know ur hurting and i know u feel at the moment, that things arnet gonna get better - but they will. You already have a date for ur tests, and then in Jan - your ET can take place - a new you - a new year - a new start! Hun, i know people often say to me - its ok for u you already have 2 kids (and its ok to say that too - i do understand) so yes, they are right - and yes i have never felt the desperation that some ladies on here feel - so i cant say - i know what ur going thru, cos if i stand up and be honest - i dont. But what i do know is that ladies on here are all here for each other, so u may rant and rave, cry and scream, laugh & joke (there will come a time when u will laff with us again) dont u dare feel gulity for that young lady! This is what we are here for.
I will help u any which way i can - we all will. Im so very sorry for the heartache you are going thru right now, im glad that u and DH are havinng cuddles, and talking things thru.

As u said - he is your rock, and we can be your pebbles



Keep smiling hun - you will get there ....

Love Becky Xxxxxx

[Jen1d]

YOUR ALL FAB, THANKS FOR YOUR KINDNESS
LOVE JEN X

[CarolynB]

Hi All

Sorry that I have been MIA but been really busy at work and the drugs are absolutely shattering for me right now.

Beckster - love the name. Wonder where that came from. So sorry that you have had issues with your name and then had to delete your posts. May be I missed something but why has it upset your dh so much. Was there stuff on here that he read? Don;t go through it all if you explained already hun. It will be fine in the end babe for sure

Rachel - sorry about the car. Your ticker always amazes me when I look at it hun

Jackie - the weight thing is so hard. I have a good few days and then lose all the hard work

Carolyn - your post about Johnny made me smile. I find him so cute Let;s just hope that he can do it again this Saturday. I have such a soft spot for him

Shantala - where are you babe? Hope that you are looking after yourself and taking good care. Don't over do it at work - not your priority right now hun

Jayne - hope that your lining will come up real nice ready for the little ones to snuggle in

Su - congrats on becoming a godmother. Sure that you will spoil the little one to bits. Good luck for your 2ww babe

Angie - you sound like you have a really aggressive weight loss plan. I hate the lbs I have put on with tmt but cannot seem to get my arse in gear to lose much right now. What plans have you got to hit your target especially with Xmas in the way?

Steph - you are on your way to a BFP. Crossing everything for you

Ang - I have gone haywire on the weight loss too. It is so hard to keep it going. I am about a week away from patches now. Thanks for asking

And last but not least - my old mucker Jen1d. What are we going to do to help you babe. I know that you are having a tough tough time hun. It is a struggle right now for you to move forward. Small steps. 1 foot in front of the other. You have been brave to go back to work even though it is hard. You have been strong to book the hysteroscopy ahead of having the snow babies back home. Just take it slowly. Small steps and the pain will ease a little bit as each day passes. Much love babe to you & your dh. There is no big rush. I really think that it may help you to give yourself sometime to recover emotionally and physically from the back to back cycles. Everyone is here for you

Hugs to everyone else. Big thread

Cannot recall when I last updated but dh's sperm fragmentation tests were pretty poor (over 50% bad when it should be below 20%) and he will have to have sperm removed directly through a TESA operation. You can imagine how thrilled he is. Sent us into a whole loop over the weekend around whether we should try again with my eggs based on what the clinic said. This could have been a large part of my problem to date. I am so cross that it was not found before. IM offered us a try with my own eggs, TESA for my dh and genetic testing but we have decided to move ahead with our donor as we have started and don't wish to mess her around, this represents a better chance of success and also having been through the whole thought process to get to accept a donor that I cannot get through it all again. I am really angry that the clinics in the UK never found these issues despite 4 attempts. Anyway that is history. Wasted energy now.

I have done 19 days on bcps. 6 days left on them. 8 days left on antibiotics. Start patches in approximately 8 days. 15 days to scan. Taking a lot of drugs and they are causing my auto immune condition to really flare up so need to ensure that I rest in the evenings and don't over do it as very busy at work.

Lots of Love to you all
Carolyn
xxxxxxxxx

[wishfull27]

Hi guys

Went to see Re today - not sure where we go from here - said was on top stength drugs on last stims and only produced 3 follicles so maybe thinks not worth throwing money away at another attempt but to look at donor egg - so we are going to think about it - try and loose a bit of weight and go back in january to discuss further

At moment neither of us can get head round donour egg - read lots on other DE thread but need to talk.. think .. talk and decide how we move forward from here - also sent off for info on adoption - so covering all options

Take care - any thoughts.. ideas or suggestions appreciated

[CarolynB]

Hi Carolyn

I am sure that you are in a great deal of shock right now. Giving yourself time is important as you need to grieve for your own eggs and there are lots of issues to work through with using a donor. Known or unknown. Family or Friend. Brothers and sisters. Whether you will tell people. Whether you will tell the child. Lots to think about. And you will feel incredibly sad about the loss of the direct genetic connection.

Why not post on the Donor Tmt thread on the General Forum which Jen babes started. There is lots of stuff on there at the start about the process you go through to be angry about your own loss and then how you becoming increasingly grateful over time that there may be another way. We also posed lots of the questions at the start which it might help you start to think things through.

I worked it through by reading lots of books and a little bit of councelling. Some of the girls have gone to sessions of councelling and found that very helpful. But you will need support as it is a tough step to make. If you are interested in books to read then I can recommend for you.

There are lots of us on the donor thread from ladies who have children with donor help, through to people like me who are in treatment now to those who are just starting out. It might be helpful for you and you will certainly not feel alone. Plus there is some stuff on there about epigenetics - where genes are like light bulbs. Although we cannot change the dna of a child through donor eggs, we can alter the emphasis so a child that we have will be different to a child carried by our donor. That really helped me come to terms with this step.

If you don't feel ready to post there then you can of course pm me.

Big hugs. Give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. I felt awful at the start but the more I read then the easier the decision seemed to be. Oh and my dh was very very unsure about the whole de thing for ages. I got there quicker than him but you and Tony might get there at different times so don't let this throw you.

Let us know if we can help at all.

Lots of Love
Carolyn
xxxxxxxxxx

[wishfull27]

Thanks for that Carolyn x

[pequele]

Hi guys...1 day down...no peepee on a stick Ok yeh I'm so not tempted at this point anyways so it isn't really a challenge.

Becky- you can update my test day to the 30th...HAHA whether I make it that long is a different issue hoping things are going better on the posting front, and you will always be valued to me!

Angel- sorry to hear the emotions have been rough. I am glad to hear your hubby is there to lend a shoulder! Damn hormones don't help much either that is for sure!

ICSI- don't laugh I actually didn't even go through 1 whole box of ovulation pee sticks...I can save them (if need be of course) for next summer when I'd start up again....plus I have a box of 2 left of the HPT that I bought last month haha...I decided I am going to talk to my broker about buying stock in sticks! That and Thermacare heat wraps...I LOVE THOSE THINGS!!!! Pee sticks and heat wraps, life couldn't be grander!

Jayne- Glad to hear you are no longer under the weather! Freakin rollercoster ride and then to have to be sick on top of it! UGH! It is that time of year and I work with a bunch of sickos and it always makes me nervous...can't take cold meds people!!! ugh

JenD you chat away! You don't have to justify yourself or what you have to say to us!!! You go girl and you just keep typing!!!! ps- I would have LOVED to see you flying off at your "work buddy"! You get her!!! :WHAM: :POW: :BAM: I'll be hopin for a cancellation for you!! Vent away in the meantime!

Carolyn- I hope your flare subsides! You rest up, stress BAD, work WORSE!!! Not long until this set of meds is over and shortly after your scan...do they look at your lining then? I'm so confused with all the IVF procedures, you know me

To everyone else I missed a big round of hugs and waves...would look better if I could do the damn sparklies! I'm off to bed...wicked beat after crap night of sleep...so beat in fact I just noticed how slumped I am on the couch sitting here with my computer in my lap...pathetic! But I had to say nite to ya before I head off on my trip....YEAH VACAY!

Steph

[The Beckster]

JS200632...
July 3rd - Beta 780...
July 9th - Beta 6915...
July 20th - Scan - Saw 1 perfect heartbeat...
Latest Scan – 3 perfect Heartbeats!! Fantastic news!!
Aug - Very sadley lost 1 beanie - so sorry JS

Rachel/Lara312...
Natural BFP ... Woooo Hooooo!
How fantastic is THAT!!!
Midwife Appt – Friday 24th Aug
First Scan ...13th Sept… 1 Perfect Heartbeat
Due date … 14th April

Shantala...
23rd Aug ....BFP Wooooooo Hoooooooo
Beta ....343!!
First Scan ...6th Sept.... 1 perfect heartbeat
Second Scan .... 20th Sept ... 1 Perfect Beanie getting comfy
_____________________________________________________________________________




Squeezan … IUI 11th Oct … Testing 25th Oct

Pequele ... IUI 16th Oct .... Testing 30th Oct



_____________________________________________________________________________

Lady's having Treatment...


JB(Jen)...25th Aug BC pills
BabyBlue (Kim)...BC pills - Sept 5th; Start down regging - Sept. 16th
Karia...EC 10th October

___________________________________________________________________________

Lady's Awaiting Treatment...


Wishful27... Waiting for next tmt to start
Nimble/Jackie…. Holiday to Mauritius…. Sept
The Beckster... On NHS waiting list for IVF
Andreak60... On NHS waiting list for IUI
JackieG...Dec….Start Cycle
ShazB...Sept AF
BeachBaby …FET – 21 Day Start
Charlie78... August AF
Sassynlv...Aug: Cancelled ...Sept AF
CarolynB...AF – Arrived 3 days early J Start patches Nov … ET Mid Nov
6Yrs (mom20)…Jan 08
AuntyPebbles... Taking time out to GET BETTER
Angel505... Nov appt at Big B
Gill … Waiting to hear from IM before making decision
Nickyz ... On waiting list
Miracle08 ... starting iui March 08
_____________________________________________________________________________

In our thoughts and prayers

Jen1d ... BFN So sorry. We're all here for you hun
Nimble/Jackie... Very sadly lost her beautiful beanie thinking of you xx
_____________________________________________________________________________

For Aunty

Last but by no means least, i thought we should have a section for our dear friend Aunty ..... Debz we are all thinking about you and praying hard for you ...



You know you can beat this .... I'm always here for you hun, take care Xxxx
_____________________________________________________________________________

[ICSI GIRL]

still amazes me that EVERY time i pop in -- what an active thread we have here!!!!!!!! is pretty cool that we have built such a strong/amazing support network out here

carolynb: don't know if i'd define as "really aggressive" exercise plan!! maybe more like "VERY hopeful" ha, ha.....kidding aside - i just finally kicked myself in the bum to get back on my damn treadmill!! a few years back - i lost like 50 lbs.....and all i did was drank the recommended "8 - 8oz glasses water/day" --- which is a hard thing for me cuz i HATE water!! would take a soda over water ANY day!! anyway - drank all my water, ate in moderation --- ANYTHING i wanted, including ice cream, candy -- long as i didn't make a pig of myself.....and exercised to a video on my tv (just aerobics).....and just stuck to it --- started in november and by the following summer - i was wearing a bikini for the first time since i was probably in 8th grade!! THEN I GOT MARRIED.... and have put about all of it BACK ON.... so i know i can do it.....just a matter of DOING it!!!! far as my big plan for holiday eating?? dont' have one.....(i'll let ya know how that works out for me!!)

rachel: how goes the damn car???? hope you're doing well.......or maybe i should say - hope your CAR is coming along well!!!

beachbaby: good luck w/ appt today!!!!! let us know how it goes hoping everything is properly shut down so you can get this show on the road

su: how ya feelin' girl???? are ya hagin in there?? not long now..... only ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!!!!! ****** baby dust kisses to you my friend *******

jenb: how's your donor coming along?? stimming going as planned --- great looking follies???? Any updates ---- am SO excited for you!!!

steph: HAVE FUN IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we'll be expecting an update on how you got yourself thru the weekend w/out NO PEE STICKS at hand!!! ha, ha, ha, ha!! (can she do it???)

wishful (carolyn): GOOD LUCK to you and dh as you work thru the crazy emotions that go along w/ DE.....take time to figure out whats best for you guys.....and maybe we'll be cycling together in january!! WOO-HOO!!!

angel: only reason my treadmill is in front of tv is cuz is in the basement in front of the "video game tv" (small - little thing!!) dh complains that is too loud when i'm down there.....i'm all HELLO ---- am trying to get my arse looking good for YOU honey!!! what's a girl to do???

beckster: so i'm dying to know if there's been any "recourse" to your email/posting issue/madness???? has any family members said anything?? how's dh doing??? THINKING OF YOU OH HEY - could you add me to the list?? in the awaiting treatment part..... gearing up for round #2 IVF/ICSI in jan-08....start bcp's in december....thanks girl

to all others (and i know i've missed some ---- so very sorry...... we're quite the active group out here!!!) HELLO.....HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING LOVELY!!!!!!!!!!! talk soon........

[jen babes]

Hi all

sorry i am rushed and havent time to read last posts or personals ....
cos I GOT THE CALL today with both Good news and bad news...

BAD news is that our donor has withdrawn...and back up donor is way way behind on tmt.

Good news is i can use another PROVEN donor with differant blood group but same eye colour and hair colour who is just out of EC

so the choice is :
1 start tmt all agin and wait for blood related donor
or 2 go with proven donor and have to tell medics that chiild has differant blood group
asked if the blood cgroup thing would effect me carrying child ( ie reseus neg factor) but this wont be a problem.

so after about a 5 minute debate with our consultnt on the other end of the phone we decided to just go with the flow and use the proven and ready donor xxxxxxxxxxxx Think that sometimes things just happen a certain way for a certain reson and just trust and Faith that it is meant to be . So at this moment we are sortingout flights hotels and dog kennels...difficult as all are fully booked because of school holidays ...

eventually sorted flight tomorrow from edinburgh to Barcelona and fly back monday night. so need to leave here for a 3 hour drive before staying at friends tonight x x
Hotel is becoming a problem as prices are sky high
anyway we will keep trying...will be off the boards until tuesday but will post when on my 2ww when i get back...and will keep Gill jen1d and carolyn up to date with txts

much love to all

sorry no time for personals ((((hugs)))) jen1 and wishfull
prayers for BFPs peq and su x x x

jen B
xxxxxx

[lara312]

Jen b sorry your original doner dropped out and you would have to start again for the other 1 but hey things happen for a reason and this must be your time good luck cant wait to read the msg off the im girls have a safe flight

Jen so sorry you are still feeling down wish there was something i could do for you but you have been through so much so quickly perhaps you need this bit of time for you sorry you cant get your hysto thingy done quicker but like becky said it will be a new yr and new baby for you {{hugs for you }}

Carolyn sorry that dh is going to have to go through tesa but hey now he will know a bit of how you feel i thought of all clinics argc would have founf that out i so hope that it will all bring your BFP hope that you will be feeling more like you soon .I know when i see my ticker i canhardley believe it its going so quick i wish you could all join me and shantala

Jayne good luck with your appt today sorry you have been ill but glad your starting to get better

Wishful sorry that have been told that you are going to have to go down the ed route but hey you can get loads of info from the ed girls on here

Becky hows things with you hope that you and dh have made up now

Hi to everyone i missed angel gill icsi jackie hope your all well and su hope the time is flying for you

Well we got the car back tues have not had the bill yet dont care about that any way they have scratched the front of the car and now the air con does not work again bloody car but hey its so good to be able to go out when we want to bring on the weekend then next week i only have to work monday and got the rest of the week off cant wait to do nothing
lots of love Rachel x x

[ICSI GIRL]

jenb: ABSOLUTELY FAB NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i thought i was excited before!! Oh this is just getting to be SO MUCH FUN!!! GOOD LUCK getting all your reservations squared away........but moreover --- GOOD LUCK W/ ET hun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****** HAPPY-STICKY-BABY-DUST KISSES TO YOU *********

(already can't wait to hear from you on tuesday!!! )