Awaiting Treatment

[pequele]

ok rachel (lara) ---- believe it or not, there are a few "rachel buttons" on facebook........don't know which one you are......you need to find me or pequele or welshgirl or shantala ---- and once you find of them, we are all "common friends" out there, so if you find one of our pages and able to request one friend -- you can see their friend list (which, we are all on each others) and just start sending friend requests......(steph can confirm this process though.....she's MUCH more an expert than i am on fb)

I found her easy peasy by stealing her off Shantala haha I so wicked smaht...except when pluggin in the crock pot

[ICSI GIRL]

too funny steph --- i just sent you a message on fb asking how you knew which one she was!!!! off to shantalas page i go!!!!

[ICSI GIRL]

too funny steph --- i just sent you a message on fb asking how you knew which one she was!!!! off to shantalas page i go!!!!

so rachel -- you can ignore my "speech" below telling you to send me friend request.....cuz i just stole ya off shantalas page too!! (i KNEW steph would know better way!!!)

[Jen1d]

Oh girls,i dont want to be selfish and only think of myself but i'm having such a bad day and have spent the last few hours in tears.

We have had a lovely weekend and i thought i was moving on but i'm kidding myself. I cant move on and just feel so sad and lonely with my thoughts. I dont know how i live with the pain of never having my own child.

For the first time yesterday we were planning and chatting about names and what it will be like to have our own baby but well, its NOT my own is it. I know i have to stop thinking like this and move on but its so hard. Maybe we should have waited before going down the adoption route but i didnt think it would be speeding along so fast. I really want a child and dont know if i'm doing this as its the only way to get one or to make dh happy or ??. I want to do it to but am just so confused. Then to make things worse, i still have the free cycle in my head but dh feels its to much problem finding a donor and likes the idea that an adopted baby will be ours both and the donor wont in this country as it wont be matched to me. He also feels it might be a problem if we go through with the last ivf and get a pos---thats a laugh---then have the adoption going on to---it might all be to much.

I feel like i'm in hell and its getting worse.

Sorry this is all about me but i just hate myself

Thanks for my birthday wishes.

Jen x

[ICSI GIRL]

awwww jen......i'm so sorry......so very sorry there isn't more i can do for you --- i wish i could take the pain away.....every ounce of it.....sending you
you be as selfish as you want --- it's why we're here.....to support each other in good times, and in bad

i really do know how you feel as i sat in my docs office and listened to him saying "best chance is gestational carrier".....i was crushed..... have you considered going to different clinic/doc?? i don't fully understand how it works over there - but i've decided to go to other clinic to get 2nd opinion....they may well tell me same thing - but i'm not ready to give up yet.....what about that anyway --- any chance you could use YOUR embies and have somebody carry for you?????? like a sis??? (or my doc even suggested my mother....says is more common than one might think and mums are usually OVERJOYED to do this for their child).....cuz you and dh make good embies - yes??? thus far, seems to be our "issue" - the fact that embies just don't stick.....in fact, after talking to my sis (just about the doc appt in general -- i wasn't even ASKING her anything) -- she offered to do it.....i dont' think is something i want to do.....but thats me.....and who knows - maybe will change my mind down the road....

ya know - i do think that moving forward w/ adoption will be a good thing for you.......ANYBODY i've talked to about adoption all say they were worried about the whole "not being their OWN" and that feeling really did just quite literally melt away the moment they held the child in their arms.....and even if you do move forward w/ adoption -- who's to say you can't continue to try for one of your own???? just cuz you're pursuing adoption doesn't mean your journey for a biological child of your own must end.........just things to think about....

my heart aches for your hun.........you just vent away.......

[pequele]

Jen- My friends adopted from China. My friends are white. Obviously this little girl looks like no one in their family! But she IS their daughter!!! They went through fertility treatments to have their twins, and ironically got preggers without trying after the adoption as well. It hasn't made their adoptive daughter any different. She still gets lovings, she still gets time outs, she still gets pounded by her brothers and she still pounds on her little sister! This little girl is EVERY bit their own!

It is so hard to see it now, but once you get your child home, no matter what the means, that love in your heart is gonna take over and multiply like never before! In HOURS you will ask yourself why did I wait so long, and you won't even be able to remember life without your child! Keep moving forward, you will get the joy of holding your baby one day!

big hugs
Steph

[Jen1d]

Steph and Angie

Thanks girls. I just feel so confused and you guys are the only ones who understand.

I know your right about the adoption but its just so stressful, dont think thats the adoption though, just the fact that i still feel so awful from the bfn.

Cant try with my eggs, they are to poor thats why we have been using donor eggs. Anyway we cant afford more treatment, we have spent thousands. We can maybe pursuit the adoption then go for our last cycle but will have to check with hospital if they will offer it to us free for so long. The s/w dont like you doing ivf when your going through adoption as they think we might get pregnant then pull out of the adoption.
Just so much crap to go through.

People who get pregnant after a don't know how lucky they are lol

Thanks girls

Love Jen x

[ICSI GIRL]

sorry jen - didnt' mean to be insensitive about your eggies -- i guess i didn't realize you were already using de's....on that note -- ya got any sisters that lend you an egg?? that is one thing i have thought of -- i have a baby sis that is 14 years younger than me.....her eggies sb good for a good long while now!!! (funny how it turns into "me, me, me" when we live thru this eh???)

you're right....ppl that just have a quickie in the sack just don't know how very lucky they are......

you need to grieve hun.......let it all out...........you'll be happy you moved forward w/ adoption when is all said and done.......you'll feel complete.... i know it......

stay strong........we're here for ya - whatever you need.....

[wishfull27]

oh Jen .. it is only natural that you are feeling like you do .. you need to take the time to grieve .. I suppose when you decided to use DE you went through a similar sort of process.. why me thing .. you are only human and must go with your emotions.. Did you manage to sort out any counselling - sometime it helps to speak to someone who can offer you professional help and support.. just a thought x

Just remeber we are all here whenever you need to talk.. rant or just some support -

Sending you big hugs

Take care love Carolyn xxxx

[wishfull27]

Icsi - so glad your last few posts have been much more upbeat - at least now you have a plan.. and stuff DH - like you said you only need to be nice to him to get the sample

When is the appointment at the new clinic?

[wishfull27]

hows everyone else??

Steph - not many more sleeps till BFP - how many sticks ahve you stashed in the cupboard ??? - I know its a bit late but well done you on new job!

Mummy MIa - congratulations - still don't know how you managed to keep it from DH all day - good 2nd beta too x

Chriss - so sorry AF arrived - but you are right back into next IVF cycle aren't you?

Angel - good luck for ER tomorrow - thinking of you X

Welshgirl - glad your more settled in job - you were obviously too good for the one you did not get - when is next bum op??

Beachbaby, Nims, Shantala, Rachel, Su .. all our mummies - hope youa re all keeping well x

Miracle, Stephjim, Hope and everyone else I have missed - big hellos

Not musg happening this end - been freezing cold here all weekend - well UK cold!! Went out to party last night and had decided to do carboot today to get rid of some crap and clutter - we got there at 8am and were like right at end of a million cars - it was still -3 and was freezy nips weather - even had thermals on, pyjama bottoms and then jeans .. soooo cold - we made like £120 so was well chuffed for 3 hours work and took what was left to the tip/dump - whatever you want to call it!!!!

Can't believe the weekends go so quickly - hope everyone has a good week

love to all

Carolyn xxx

[waitingforMia]

HA HA LOL - no its was after the rhyme - something like jack me nimble, jack me quick etc - you know name being Jackie ............ its kinda of stuck with me after 20 yrs!! So now its a good user name.

Nims x

haha I thought it was Jack BE nimble Jack BE quick....that is fun either way though! Good thing Jack wasn't limber or better yet Jack be on fire after he jumped over the candle stick...cuz Crispy isn't as good a nickname as Nimble haha

Steph

I like the jack me nimble jack me quick better

[waitingforMia]

wishfull: carboot????

Jen: I am sory hun. I wish I could say something to help you. WOuld ya'll consider trying IVF again after you adopt? SO you could save money? I bet when you get that baby in your arms it will just change you. I am hoping the adoption process goes smoothly and quickly. hugs.

Peqe: Hey I have a life... sort of... I cannot believe you pOAS!! WHy do that to yourself?? lol. Hope there is a bfp there soon- it is just wayyyy to ealry girlie!!

ICSI: Glad to have you back on the board. Peqe has been trying to rule it during your absence.

Miracle and Chriss where are you girls??? We missed yall last night!

[waitingforMia]

Lara: Wow the clock is ticking for you isnt it?? How exciting. My 2nd beta was 960

Shantala: I have my first u/s on 2/25

Nims: Thanks for the congrats.

Hello to everyone else. I am lazy as heck and not wanting to clean at all... thinking abut hiring a cleaning service... Hope everyone has a great Sunday!

MP

[nimble]

HA HA LOL - no its was after the rhyme - something like jack me nimble, jack me quick etc - you know name being Jackie ............ its kinda of stuck with me after 20 yrs!! So now its a good user name.

Nims x

haha I thought it was Jack BE nimble Jack BE quick....that is fun either way though! Good thing Jack wasn't limber or better yet Jack be on fire after he jumped over the candle stick...cuz Crispy isn't as good a nickname as Nimble haha

Steph

I like the jack me nimble jack me quick better

funny Mia, think Steph was right it was BE and not ME, however as you can imagine, there were varying versions, with words rhyming with quick being added - shall leave it there and let you use your imaginative minds!!