Thread for those TTC many years

[kerpupples]

karenvancouverisland, welcome! I had to LOL at your "Read 'The Secret'" line because somebody said that very same thing to me! I'm sorry, but what a crock. I'd be in a very different place if all you had to do was believe things would happen in order to make them so.

We've got our last FET tomorrow. So far all 6 of our frosties are still alive but they were only 4 cells to begin with. Is it nuts to transfer all 6 if they are still alive tomorrow?

If this time doesn't work we're going to do a cycle with CCRM in January. And if that doesn't work, we're done trying too. We may discuss adoption, but this whole IF process is too taxing to keep up with for much longer.

I'm so sorry to all of you who've gotten BFNs recently. We deserve the BFPs at least as much as anyone else.

I'm afraid I've gotten too behind to post personals now, but I'll do it next time. In the meantime, how about a big group hug?

Amy

[Marynaz]

Dear Amy,
Hope your FET goes well. Please try to stay positive however is not easy at all. After a first BFN in August I felt so bad and still recovering so I know what do you feel after many of these. But believe me it is worth it when you have your baby. I will pray for you. take care of yourself and be happy you are going to be mom

[Marynaz]

Dear Karenvancouverisland,
Welcome to the board, Yes you are right nobody can uderstand us except us. I also hate them when they are saying don't think about it that much and you will be pregnant. They can't feel how stressful infertlity is
Anyway I hope your next IVF goes well and because you got pregnant once so you will get next time too just try to think positive. after all we all deserv a baby right

[kez01]

Hi all.

Amy: good luck with your FET today I hope your embies are off to a good start and decide to bed down for the next 9 months. I hope you dont need to do another cycle in January but I know what you mean about calling it a day. This last cycle we had is supposed to be our last apart from the 2 frosties I have but I'm not ready to give up yet. You take care.

Mary: I hope your well, I havent posted for alittle while, how are things going for you. Glad your laser hair removal went well, but sorry for the uncomfortable questions, I get them all the time so I totally understand how you feel, You just wish ppl would find something else to talk about.
My own friend sometimes is so understanding but then she says oh you want to take my two for a few days and then it might put you off. I was a nanny for 10 years so I know what difficult children can be like so give me a break. It did make me feel cross. I know she thinks she is trying to make me feel better but hey, it doesn't work.

karen: welcome to this thread, great rant. Yes you are a good person and you deserve a baby too. I totally agree, ppl say the most stupid things thinking that they are making us feel better. Atleast we have this forum to come and have a moan about it.

Take care all
Kerry x

[to_have_fun08]

Hi Everyone,
I hope I can join. I have been TTC my first for over 3 years. Unexplained infertility which really sucks because every month I hope and hope that I am PG because there is no reason why I can't be. Actually i think the whole infertile thing really sucks regardless if you have a reason or not. I am not in the best of moods because my Beta is tomorrow and I am still getting a negative HPT. I know I still might have a shot but I believe the odd's are very slim. This past week I have felt like such a witch with a b. I don't want to see anyones signature that states how far they are in their pregnancy. I am so happy for the ladies on the board that get their BFP because I know they all have been where I have been but sometimes it is just so hard because you ask yourself "why can't that be me". My sister is due to have her 2nd child in a few weeks. We started TTC at the same time. I haven't had an issue with her pregnancy until this week when I had my first feeling that I really don't want to go see her new baby. My sister is my best friend (well besides my DH) and I hate that I am feeling this way. I don't want to see babies on tV, I don't want to hear about people being PG and their symptoms and what they are feeling. I just feel like Debbie Downer right now. Sorry to vent here. I just wanted to let some of this off my chest.

I have read some of the post on here and recognize some of the names. I will read more later on and post personals later.

Chris

[Marynaz]

Hi Karen,
Glad that you are back. It really feels good when I see you all understanding me vey well. When is gonna be your next cycle?

[whynotus]

I understand the feelings of frustration, loss of faith, guilt, and failure. I totally get what it is like to watch family and friends have 1, 2 or 3 kids in the time that you have been trying for one. My husband and I agree that we felt like the world was going on around us, and we were stuck. It is a crushing blow that is delivered every time you hear a new pregnancy announcement, or worse, when people ask you why you haven't had kids yet.

My husband and I tried for 5 yrs, 5 months before success with a fet. I have had 6 surgeries - one for endo, another for a complication from the first, and 4 endometrial polyp removals (which aren't difficult surgeries, but are just as time-consuming and frustrating as the others). We did get pregnant 2x during the past 5 years, but lost both pregnancies at 8 weeks. I have always felt lucky to have those 8 weeks, but those losses were the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I watched person after person with infertility get pregnant over the years while we waited. Of course you are always happy for them - but it makes it more painful to know you are left behind.

Like many of you, our insurance didn't cover any infertility treatment. None. I have worked 2 full-time jobs at a time (and my husband has worked overtime, too) for 3 years to save for the surgeries, endless tests, and one IVF treatment (we have done other treatments in the previous 5 yrs). It made me angry that others get pregnant so easily, and I was literally working my butt off to pay for one shot at ivf. We decided that that was it - I was just too tired of working and fighting, I was not sure what toll all the procedures were having on my body, and I thought we could turn our efforts to adoption. I was just so scared that would bring more pain and heartache.

The IVF that we did was a study, so it was only about half the cost of a normal cycle - if we had to pay for a normal cycle, it would never have happened. We decided to try the one IVF, and hope we had leftover embryos to transfer, then call it quits. I was surprised at how much easier (physically) it was than I thought - and wished I could try again until it worked. I looked for jobs that had infertility coverage, but so far have not found any.

Our ivf went well, but we got a BFN. We had two frozen embryos left to transfer but encountered yet another polyp that had to be surgically removed first, which dragged our waiting out another 4 months. I didn't hold out much hope for the fet - I am so jaded and know that most women try again and again before they have success. But I am now 5 weeks along and hoping every day that maybe this time the little one will stay with us.

I can't say that if you hang in there long enough, it will all work out. That used to piss me off. But it's true that when you finally have that chance with a pregnancy, the others that are still going through what you did are never far from your mind.

There are some good things about this struggle if you come out on the other side. I hoped that maybe one day when I found my adopted child, I would be thankful that this journey brought me to them, but I know it is not that simple. I have had so much anger over the years about people that do not appreciate the miracle of pregnancy and children. I have always thought that if we did have success, the one good thing about infertility is that we would never take it for granted. And I know my marriage is stronger because of this, and that I am stronger, too. I wish it was easy for everyone - you are all in my thoughts.

[Marynaz]

whynotus
Welcome to the board and conggrat on your pregnancy. Hope your little one stay healthy and u try to take care of her.
Evertime that I see people with infertility get BFP makes me so happy.

[kerpupples]

Marynaz - the FET went as well as it could have gone. We had 3 super looking embryos to choose from so now it's just wait and cross my fingers!

whynotus - you captured very well the frustrations that we go through. I forget who it was who said they hate seeing all the other BFP posts here but I've gone through that too. COngrats on your BFP and I hope the rest of your PG goes perfect!

Chris - vent away! I was so sorry to read of your BFN but I'm really glad you decided to go into another cycle. So many of us take more than one round so I hope next time is the charm for you.

[beladi32]

Karen - We are so on the same wavelength! F-ing NO ONE seems to understand except those of us with multiple years/cycles of struggle. Every day is a struggle, I feel so drained, so numb, but then so mad/upset too. So why did I decide to reply to this topic today? Saw some relatives today, one is pregnant again, didn't try of course either time, has a 1 year old, and spewing about how it's not the timing they wanted - doesn't mesh well with plans next year, blah blah. Then talking about how if we adopt, it's better that the kid would be older, cause the first months are really tough, we wouldn't have to deal with that. Riiight - like raising a baby is such 'something to deal with', well, I've got news for you - my 2 iuis/6ivfs/2 fet cycles with no success IS something to deal with!!! Yes - She is very well aware of our situation, but completely clueless as most are when they start bitching about their own perfect lives. Next, the other relative is attempting surrogacy, but already has a natural born 1 year old, and is terrified of having twins if the surrogate works out, and talking about how bratty her kid was. Are you freaking kidding me!! How many times have I prayed for 1, 2, 3 whatever was implanted to be blessed with. But apparently I'm meant to be blessed with nothing, or rather just years of depression,anger,burning money trying, because I can't give up hope. Even other people who have tried 1 or 2 IVFs tell me they would have given up a long time ago and just make me feel like more of an idiot for all I've wasted.. sigh, earlier in the week I managed to send a baby shower gift to a friend, and call another friend to find out the sex of her baby.. but today just put me overboard, I hate going to the mall, to family friendly restaurants, all the places where I see the life I don't have. I know I should concentrate on the good things I have, but for the rest of today it's definitely not going to happen. The constant exposure to all these ungrateful pregnant women/mothers around me just depresses the hell out of me every day.. Anyway, good to luck to us all, I totally understand your grievances!!

[kez01]

Hey beladi32,

that was a great rant, sometimes I feel this is the only place where you can truly express how angry you feel at people who are constantly moaning about how difficult their lives are.

My bestfriend knows exactly what I have gone through. she had a m/c and thought it was the worst thing in the world and now she had a boy and a girl. She said to me the other day, oh you want to take these two for a night and it might change your mind, I said I dont think so. I was a nanny for 10 years before I became a nurse and I know exactly what it is like to have difficult children. Hers are not even that difficult. I feel so cross sometimes. everyone keeps asking us what we are going to do next. Its like I dont know, we are running out of money and have spent so much already, not to talk of the emotional pain and anguish that goes along with IF. I dont want to adopt right now either, I want mine, I want to be pg, I want to do the night time feeding which people just dont understand either. I'm sure your friend who said you should adopt older wouldn't give back the time if she actually sat and thought about it from an infertile couples perspective, people are just dumb sometimes.

Kerruples, I'm glad your FET went well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Sorry for moaning again everyone. I wish you all luck in your struggle to achieve a family.
take care
Kerry xx

[Hopeful in SD]

Hi All,

Hope you don't mind me crashing your forum here. I've been reading your posts for awhile and man am I feeling the pain today. Last week I found out one of my co-workers is pregnant, she got pregnant the first month she went off the pill. Even though I had just found out my baby didn't have a heartbeat and I had to take meds to induce the miscarriage I tried to be happy for her. Today I found out the co-worker I work closest with and am good friends with, who also knows what I have been going through is pregnant again! She also got pregnant the first month she went off the pill. I once again acted happy for her, but I am so bitter. I've tried to look at the positive side of my miscarriage, that at least I know I can get pregnant, but at times like this, it so doesn't help. Oh, and I'm suppose to go to a baby shower for yet another co-worker this weekend. Does it ever stop getting thrown in our face?

[beladi32]

Kez01,
You're so strong. Working with children for all those years, I can't imagine. I think I would cry all the time, but it shows that you'll be a great mom someday soon! Rant away I'm better today, I guess a few night's sleep, and some isolation (worked from home today) helped. It really is so sad to have even your best friends and family make you feel so bad. It seems like people would think carefully before speaking if you had cancer/terminal disease, but with infertility, they just don't have any sense with their comments... Even though to us, infertility is a 'chronic disease' and changes us forever. Good luck with your frosties! When are you planning the ET?

Hopeful in SD,
Sorry to hear of you recent miscarriage. I can't say anything that will make you feel better, but I do think time will help you heal. I think as long as we all go through this hardship, every encounter remotely concerning babies will sting deeply. It is so hard to keep the smile up, and a straight face on with the constant inquiries. But, we've all got each other on this board to vent to Not sure what your dr recommends for next steps, but after my miscarriages, I was monitored more during the 2ww for adequate E2/Progesterone levels, and to increase egg quality, took metformin for months before ER (supposed to help for women who respond to stimulation PCOS-like). Good luck to you with your next cycle.

[Hopeful in SD]

Thanks Beladi. We haven't met with our RE since, so I'm sure he'll have a plan once we meet with him again. The clinic hasn't contacted us and I think they are trying to give us time to heal. My brother, who happens to be a doctor keeps telling me, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think we are all going to be very strong after all of this.

[kerpupples]

I'm bumping this for anybody who might need to vent.

Hopeful and beladi, I'm glad you two decided to crash our little pity party!