Awaiting Treatment

[PMApsy]

Morning lovely ladies!!!

It's FRIDAYYYYYYY! Woohoo! Anything planned for the weekend girls? I plan to take it really easy, relax a lot. I would also like to do a lot of tomato sauce canning, if I can. It will depend on my energy levels and on the spotting levels too. Yup, weird diluted pink spotting comes and goes. Stopped completely, then turned brown yesterday, I thought I would get rid of it...then turned back to pink in the evening and again this morning, a bit more than spotting... then a few minutes ago, we're back to plain nothing! Go figure... I can't say I freak out. It bugs me, it stays on my mind, but I don't freak out. Not with discharge like that. It's not even bleeding, it's probably just capillaries. It's a real blessing, that ultrasound print the doctor gave me. I use it as a bookmark and I look at it a few times each day. That reminds me we found no problem and the baby is developing normally. That helps me keep the PMA. The abdominal pain has lowered; probably caused by bloating and by my uterus expanding. With my medical status, it can be quite outchy! So I don't consider myself out of the woods yet, but I don't feel as threatened as before. I'm just looking forward to that magical moment when they'll find the heartbeat, tell me it's strong and fast enough, print that Kodak moment and just let me push the miscarriage threat faaaar away from my mind! Monday! Monday!

Some of you asked if I had ms. I didn't want to discuss my symptoms too much here, because I know it can annoy people. Yes, I have increasing ms. I'm very lucky, however. Usually it's not too intense, and it goes away in about 15 minutes. Now I'm getting more frequent episodes each day. The worst is the fatigue. Man, it's harder and harder to get up in the morning, and past 7pm after dinner is done I become completely useless. Doing the dishes feels like climbing Mount Everest, LOL! I did the laundry on Sunday and it took me up until yesterday evening to fold it, LOL! (DH's fault... asked him many times to carry it up from the basement for me, but he didn't! ha!)

Other than that, yesterday I made an apt at a clinic with a female ob-gyn. We're having a little baby boom here since they changed the law. Now parents can take 12 months of parental leave, and share it as they want (6 months together, 3 months for daddy, 9 for mom, and so on). It's really hard to find an ob-gyn or a GP to do the follow-up during your pregnancy. And the difference can be quite important. I've been told that apts with ob-gyns take about two minutes, while GPs really take the time to talk with you. I've read the comments about that doc on "rate your doctor", and people are raving about her. Apparently she's very sweet and committed. I was lucky (didn't choose her, no one takes new patients and I was crammed into a cancellation). Needless to say, with my very complicated medical history, and my IVF, the first apt won't take two minutes, she better brace herself! But I'll show up prepared, with a printed medical history and a copy of my fertility clinic's file. Apt is on October 9th.

I chose that clinic because the hospital it's affiliated to is the closest from home. Many of my DH's colleagues have given birth there and were very enthusiastic about it; my best friend delivered women there and she says it's a good hospital. All rooms are private rooms, they have a bathtub to help you during labor and you do all labor-delivery-postpartum in the same room. Sweet. To top it off, my acupuncturist is one of the on-call acupuncturists who can assist you during labor there. The choice was quite easy to make. It will complicate my life a bit during the pregnancy follow-up because it's not easily accessible with public transportation (I'll have to ask the permission to work from home and have DH pick me up with the car each time), but in the end I'm sure it will be worth it.

Okay, enough blabbering about my little self. Let's get personal!

Becky,
My heart broke when I read your post. You sound miserable, you poor thing!!! *HUGS* I agree partly with what Miracle said, and I, too, will tentatively give my humble opinion. Feel free to put it right to the trash can if you want. I'm not in your shoes and I don't know you, DH and DD that well.

In my experience, it always, always takes two to tango in a relationship. Even in abusive relationships, it's tempting to put 100% of the blame on the abusive partner, but it never reflects the reality. For example, taking the abuse is also a way to contribute to the situation. So in your case, I think your daughter contributed to the deterioration of your relationship as much as you and DH did. My first observation is the material nature of your relationship. Somehow, over the years, your daughter's love towards you seems to have become highly conditionnal. She probably set higher and higher standards... and you've been working harder each time to meet them. And I'm sure buying things, always more expensive, is not the only standard she fixes for you. I'm sure favors are in the deal too. Use of the car, privileges, chores, and so on.

From what you said, I sense that the drive behind your behavior (meeting her standards) is strongly related to fear. Do you really fear that your daugther will stop loving you if you don't buy her nice stuff? How have you become so sensitive to your daughter's rejection that her negative comments about you hurt you so much that you even reconsider having another child? Your fear and your insecurity is the power you give your daughter... and she has a lot of power right now. She may have even more when she leaves, because there will be real physical abandonment then, a thing that is bound to have a strong impact on you.

I'm afraid that, with all the normal teenage turmoil and the way your relationship has evolved, your daughter has lost track of what she really wants from you. Somehow, love is expressed by giving gifts and privileges. And, like a child whose parents set their expections too high, you desperately keep trying, SO hungry for the slightest demonstration of gratitude, affection, complicity... getting it just often enough to keep trying... just often enough to keep taking abuse.

Usually, that kind of relational changes does not happen overnight. I would suggest you talk to your husband and retrace your steps from, at least, the time when your DD was about 14 years old, and all the way through her teenage years up until now. How was your relationship with her before? How has it evolved? When and how did it begin to change? What was your contribution to that evolution, and what was hers?

Very often, the reason why teenagers act out is that the feel they're not listened to. They're becoming adults, they feel very narcissistic and powerful, they think they know everything and can do everything and they constantly challenge the limits and boundaries of the adults around them. It's part of the learning curve. Yet they still need their parents' approval, and very often they feel judged or repressed. It creates a kind of conflict inside... they still want the parental advice, love and protection, and at the same time they want to fly solo. Sometimes it's hard to find the middle ground in the relationship, and lost of miscommunication happens and worsens things.

One thing they still need are boundaries that stay strong. Yes, some rules can change because they're no longer children. Other rules must remain the same if they are really important to you. Like respecting each other. If you're not there to teach her that, she'll learn it later by rubbing against a stern teacher or boss, and the cost of her learning curve will be heavier.

Lastly... you can't force closeness in a relationship. Nature organises things well... look at all the teens who are still very dependent of their parents when they leave for college. They're insecure, they second-question every decision, and so on. Part of the deal is to let your daughter spread her wings and jump off the nest, and get hurt a few times in the process. She'll learn, she's not stupid. The tricky part is that, yes, it also means the parents' advice suddenly becomes unimportant. It also means she'll distance herself from you, you'll be less important in her life. But she'll come back. With time, with her experiences, she'll soon realize that you can still be incredibly useful to her, and I mean that in a good way. Here's a little poem that my grandma really likes:

at 6 years old: "daddy knows everything!"
at 10 years old: "daddy knows a lot of things!"
at 15 years old: "I know as much as my dad!"
at 18 years old: "really, dad doesn't know much!"
at 30 years old: "still, we could ask for dad's opinion!"
at 40 years old: "all in all, dad knows a thing or two!"
at 50 years old: "dad is right!"
at 60 years old: "ah, if only we could still ask dad!"

My two cents... if I'm not clear, or out of line... just tell me. *HUGS*

Angel,
if you want I can teach you a couple of relaxation tips... and don't worry about venting about the job!!! You boss is an a**!!!! He really treats you like crap...

Miracle,
Aw, nasty nasty inventory!!! but so glad to have news!!! :D:D

Carolyn,
man, with the money they're making, you'd believe they'd treat their potential patients a little better! So sorry about that Carolyn... must be really nerve wraking to see your next tmt date constantly pushed away... I hope you find a good place soon!

Okay, I have a boring meeting in a few minutes... better run. take care ladies!!!

Sophie xxox

[Angel505]

Angel,
if you want I can teach you a couple of relaxation tips... and don't worry about venting about the job!!! You boss is an a**!!!! He really treats you like crap...

Yes please......could really do with some tips. My RE, the GP, family, everyone tells me I need to relax. So any help is greatly appreciated.

[wishfull27]

angel - why don't you look at local college night school list - thats who I am doing my relaxation and meditation course through - 10 weeks for £40

Sophie - you have such a way with words - you bst get them feet up this weekend and rest

Mir - ooo retail therapy - i love it - off shopping too tom as need some winter clothes - wish it was summer clothes!!! - so pleased DH has got a job - maybe not what you/he wants but its a step in the right direction xx

Becks/Chris/Heather/Icsi - sending you lots of hugs((()))

Have a great weekend

carolyn xx

[Miracle08]

Hey pma, me too, me too!! I dont know how to relax either. I would love some tips. Everyone tells me I need to learn, I just dont know how. I get real bad headaches because of stress!!!

Winter clothes already Carolyn?? WOW. that is insane. It is still 95 degrees here!!! So hot. I wish I could go winter clothes shopping. I havent done that since we moved to FL from NY!!! Reminds me of when I was just a little girl.

PMA! Dont fret about the spotting. Everything is just perfect in there!!!

Where did StephJim go? I thought she was going to hang out with us? I sure hope her and the babies are ok...

have a fantastic weekend everyone...

[stephjim]

I am here. Just been busy for a few days. I will be back on this weekend. Sorry babies are both good just really tired more than usual.

[PMApsy]

Hello lovely ladies,

OOoookay... relaxation lessons... First of all, you must understand the difference between anxiety and stress. Stress is caused by real circumstances that make you feel under pressure, feel like you have to perform, and so on. It can be a burden if it's too intense, but it can also be the drive that motivates you to reach your goals. Relaxation definitely can help you deal with stress.

Anxiety is another story. Most of the time, it is caused by anticipated problems that are not yet here, scenarios, assumptions that are NOT facts. All the "what if", the "I must", the "I should" in one's self-talk are common signs of anxiety. That state of mind definitely can cause some harm on the long term. The problem is in one's thoughts, the way one interprets facts and the way one deal with problems. Relaxation can help someone deal with anxiety, but it will keep coming back of work isn't done on thought processes, or cognitions.

I don't know why you guys are being told to learn relaxation techniques. Just be aware that although they can do good to everyone, they don't always solve the problem. You must take some time to look at the source of your state of mind and determine if it's anxiety or stress. Usually, stress is related to concrete facts that are in the present; anxiety is more about scenarios and anticipations of the future.

The first thing you'll learn with any relaxation teacher is the breathing techniques. The way you feel will influence the way you breathe, and vice versa. When you're afraid, for example, your body reacts. It's the result of years of evolution. Long ago, when we were fighting mammoths, we needed to either run for our lives when our adversary was too strong, or stand up and fight when we stood a chance. Therefore, when we feel afraid, our body prepares for the fight or the flight (fight or flight response). Your pupils will dilate to help you see the details around you, your breathing will increase and come from the upper chest so you can pack lots of oxygen to feed your muscles during your physical effort, your body temperature and blood pressure will become elavated so you can eliminate more heat, and so on. Your body knows how to interpret those physical reactions. So the first thing you want to avoid is to send your body the wrong signals, that is, the anti-relaxation signals.

Pay attention to the way you breathe. Breathe normally, and pay attention to where the oxygen goes in your body. Don't judge, but take note of it. It will give you clues as to what your inner disposition is. Now, when you want to really relax, try to breathe from your abdomen (abdominal breathing). It's the same breathing technique you're supposed to use when you're playing a wind instrument or when you're doing yoga. It's also the way you breathe when you're asleep. Your body will understand that cue immediately and stop preparing you for facing threats.

To practice this, put one hand on your sternum and the other below your stomach. Take a slow, deep breath. Picture the air going in through your nose, and down all the way through your vertebraes, and into your abdomen. Your upper hand should move very little. If your upper hand moves, or if your shoulders lift, you're breathing from the chest. Some people get it right from the start, and many people need practice. If you have trouble learning this technique, lie down on your back and bend your knees, feet down on the floor. You'll find the right path for your breath more easily. If you want to relax, you can just breathe that way about 20 times, or for as long as it takes. You can also say something to yourself while you breathe (in your head). Choose your own words... Good suggestions are:

-I welcome life (breathing in), I give life (breathing out)
-Relax (breathing out)
-Everything will be fine (breathing out)

A visualisation technique I like is to visualise you breathing pure white golden light that gradually fills your whole body, and breathe out all your worries and negativity and see dark smoke coming out of your mouth, until that smoke becomes transparent and you're only filled with pure light. It's good to do that before falling asleep, by the way.

That breathing technique can be done in the car, in a waiting room filled with people, at work, wherever you want. It's amazing for all kinds of negative emotions such as anxiety, stress, anger, sadness, or nausea and pain. I sure used it on the operating table at the clinic during ER, and it worked really well.

Another quick technique is a mudra one of my colleagues, a yoga teacher, taught me. It's quite fascinating, because it has been proven to stimulate some neural pathways. First, put the tip of both your thumbs on the bulge right below your little finger (thumb across your palm). Then lower your 4 other fingers to form a fist (no need to clench, just close your hand and squeeze gently). You'll have a first with your thumbs inside your hands. Then cross your arms over your chest by putting each first on the opposing shouder (the same way Wednesday sleeps in the Addams Family). Stay like that, doing the breathing technique, and I swear you'll feel super zen in a matter of minutes. Next time you have the occasion to observe a newborn or baby, note that they're doing the same thing with their fists! They do that to feel soothed and secure, and your body will recognize the cue.

Ooookay... it's getting late, the lesson will stop here for today!

Miracle!!! I missed that detail in your post!!! Your DH found a job, YAY!!!! Congratulations!!! I'm sorry the pay is less than he deserves... But at least he'll have somewhere to go to and a check coming in steady, until a better offer comes by. How was the dress shopping??? I hope it wasn't one of these days when you do have the money, but nothing fits, lol! What kind of dress did she choose?

Carolyn,
Anything exciting this weekend? You usually do something fun! :D

stephjim,
glad to know the twins are in good shape! Grow babies, grow!

Well ladies, this has been a rough couple of days, let me tell you. The nausea has been increasing. The episodes are a tad more intense, longer in duration and more frequent. I really don't feel like myself, being so tired it's a joke. Everything is a pure chore, I just have no drive. And that spotting is really annoying me. I slept late this morning, then read a book for a couple of hours. Not a single trace of spotting. I had lunch, prepared the grocery list, even did some silly dancing with the dogs while tidying up the kitchen. No spotting. Put the progesterone in, lied down for a nap (2 hours, it's shame!!!), no spotting. Then left the house to do grocery shopping with DH, and cooked for about 2 hours in a row, watched a bad movie, went to the bathroom... diluted blood on my liner and paper again! I really don't know what to think of this. I know the baby isn't in danger, but I don't know how to adapt to that. I guess my doctor will forbid me to take yoga and flamenco lessons during the first trimester... but I was a bit active this morning, and nothing happened. Cooking is not physical, I merely walked in the kitchen, no lifting of any kind. It really seems to be random... hum... Looking forward to that apt on Monday...

Other than that, nothing too exciting to report. Taking it easy, fatigue is leaving me no choice!

Take care lovely ladies, and have fun!

Sophie xxox

[wishfull27]

Hello lovely ladies,
Carolyn,
Anything exciting this weekend? You usually do something fun! :D
Sophie xxox

Sorry nothing of excitement to report this weekend - it has rained.. rained .. rained and rained here - need to do some work in garden and move bts as having an extension to house starting in next couple of weeks and due to weather not done what we needed to !!!

Spent most of yesterday on web looking for a holiday to the sun - no flights available when booked time off so need to change dates with my boss before can book anything

Sorry you are feeling so icky but at least it is a continuing sign that all is ok - hope everything is good with scan tom - will you get to hear heartbeat??

Mir - yes its cold and wet and need winter clothes - normally not an issue but cos I lost weight I got rid of all winter clothes as too big - hope you had a successful shop xx

Angel - hope you have been practising those relaxationtechniques - I am amazed at how much it has helped me - doing anything exciting this weekend??

becky - honey hope things have eased a little at home and you and Brian have had a good weekend - when does DD go to uni - can't be long now xx

Chris/Heather/Icsi/stephjim - hi if your reading and big hugs

won't be around monday or tuesday got 2 day mega boring conference to go to when they will tell us how wonderful are company is and all the usual associated sh*t .. I hate socilising with people i don't particularly like especially the creepy arse lickers .. I am soooooo not one of them!!!

So will catch you all Tuesday night

love to all

Carolyn xxx

[Angel505]

Hiya girls,

What a crappy weekend. It rained so much!!! Went out with some friends, but otherwise were mostly at home. And for some reason I binged like crazy. I have actually not comfort eaten since my last BFN, but for some reason that’s all I wanted to do over the weekend. So today I feel fat, bloated and have a bad stomach. And I feel really really guilty about what I did. I really don't want to continue that way.

PMA, just read your post. Wow. My Mum too tells me about this and although I have learnt the technique from her, I keep forgetting to actually just practise it. Yes, I am one of those people who breathe from my chest. Interesting what you said about the yoga mudra. Will try it today. I do hope your spotting comes to a stop to give you some peace of mind.

Becky - hope you're feeling slightly better after the weekend.

Miracle - did you have a fun time shopping? What did you get for yourself? And did you share lots of girly gossip?

Carolyn - sorry things aren't moving faster on the foreign clinics. Why do you have to go to the conference? Can you not make an excuse like your car's broken down????

Ok gotta run now. Sorry if I've missed anyone.

[PMApsy]

Hello ladies!

Wow, the board is really quiet... how are you doing?

Carolyn,
Yeah, my mother, who lives in Maryland, told me about the rain! Sorry about that! We had a gray and cold day on Sunday, it was nice to wear warmer clothes for a change! Gah, we almost made a fire in the fireplace... still haven't had the chimney cleaned, so we have to wait... aha, so you're about to start a reno marathon??? Sounds exciting! Lol you really sound like me Carolyn, always jumping from one project to another! Oh and to answer your question, I think you can only hear the heartbeat towards week 10 or 11... but you can see it from week 6 or so. I hope the conferences weren't too boring... and that you got some booze in the evening!

Angel,
I'm really sorry to hear that you're not feeling well, both mentally and physically. *HUGS* But is it necessarily the sign that something is wrong? Don't we all have "emotional binge eating" moments here and there? I know I do... have you felt that way longer than the weekend? I wish I could do something to make you feel better dear...

Becky,
Your silence makes me worry... I really hope my post didn't offend you...

Miracle, nimble, hrobinson, stephjim, and all the others I'm forgetting, we miss you!

Okay, so we went to the ultrasound apt today and it was my doc!! We found the heartbeat in no time! We all saw it very clearly on the monitora nd he gave us pics again. Yay! The spotting comes and goes, but my doctor was not worried at all. He said I could resume all my normal activities, but that it was all up to me. He said rest or no rest would probably have no impact on the slight bleeding, which is probably due to small capillaries bursting here and there because my cervix is more vascularized. My doctor said I could resume flamenco lessons, but warned me that, if I did miscarry, which is unlikely, that decision might make me feel very guilty. So DH and I talked about it, and he is uneasy with me dancing flamenco before the end of my first trimester. I'll respect his wish, of course. But we both agreed that prenatal yoga was okay. I'll start with that, and I'll try to walk a bit faster when we walk the dogs or when I come back from work... that way I won't feel like I'm just sitting on my tush, eating and gaining weight! Some pants are already really tight! (thanks to the meds making me bloated and have water retention). The doctor also prescribed meds for my nausea, which is getting worse and interferes with my professional life. The pharmacist told me it really is harmless for pregnant women, it's all minerals and vitamins. Can't wait to see if it works!

So that's it, guys... looks like the nightmare is behind us. Still can't believe it completely, but it will come to us. It was very special to say goodbye to the nurses without knowing when I would be back to the clinic. Soon I'll meet a new doctor... (October 9th).

Take care lovely ladies,

Sophie xxox

[My2LnT]

Sophie I'm so happy that your appt went well. I'll checking in to see how things are going!! Hugs and Congrats!!

Stephanie

[lara312]

Sophie glad your appointment went well and you got to hear the heart beat i hope the spotting stops soon best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy will be keeping an eye on you
lots of love Rachel x x

[Welshgirl38]

Hi ladies,

First off, im so sorry for being MIA the past few days, hope u can all forgive me. I want to thank u all for ur advise about DD, and I have taken everything on board that u have all said …. I don’t have much time for personals sorry ladies (xxxxx) but Sophie, I have replied as best I can to ur post …. Thank u from the bottom of my heart for caring enough to post it. I have replied (by quoting your post) and want u to know that in no way did u (or anyone else) offend me ...

From what you said, I sense that the drive behind your behavior (meeting her standards) is strongly related to fear. Do you really fear that your daugther will stop loving you if you don't buy her nice stuff? How have you become so sensitive to your daughter's rejection that her negative comments about you hurt you so much that you even reconsider having another child? Your fear and your insecurity is the power you give your daughter... and she has a lot of power right now. She may have even more when she leaves, because there will be real physical abandonment then, a thing that is bound to have a strong impact on you.

I have wondered how to respond to this since I read it last Friday, its taken me so long to contemplate what to say and how to say it and I still cant come up with a dam good excuse as to disagree with u. You are so right and have hit the nail on the head. I am scared, im am so dam scared of her rejecting me if I don’t give her the things that she wants. Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t sit there and demand these things, she basically is given them without having to ask most of the time. Im scared that she will reject me because I took her away from her friends when she was just 14, that I took her away from her home to move here with another man who isn’t her father. Altho she says she doesn’t want anything to do with her real father (he doesn’t bother with them either) but I cant help feeling that she must, deep down be hurt even tho she says she doesn’t care. I fear that she will reject DH because he isn’t her real dad. So if I give her everything she needs/wants/desires then she will love us even more and want to stay here with us. I have a fear she will eventually move back to her roots and I will lose her. So yes, this I believe is all down to the fear an I give everything I can to keep her close. I didn’t realize I was doing this until u pointed this out.

I'm afraid that, with all the normal teenage turmoil and the way your relationship has evolved, your daughter has lost track of what she really wants from you. Somehow, love is expressed by giving gifts and privileges. And, like a child whose parents set their expections too high, you desperately keep trying, SO hungry for the slightest demonstration of gratitude, affection, complicity... getting it just often enough to keep trying... just often enough to keep taking abuse.

I don’t think that that has become her fault; I think it might be mine. I undermine DH’s views on how she should be punished for something she may have done, she doesn’t ask for things in such a way ‘can I please have such and such’ I just give it before she has a chance. IE: If her phone has run out of money and she cant text her friends, I will top it up for her without her asking me, even tho she earns near on £80/£100 per week herself!!! Why do I do this??? My eldest DD earns less money, but I don’t give to her as often. I tell myself its because my eldest DD has a b/f and he will take her out etc, with my youngest she only has herself, hardly ever goes out (until the past few weeks) and most of her friends would be ‘online’ I have to stop making excuse as to why I do this, and basically to stop doing it.

Usually, that kind of relational changes does not happen overnight. I would suggest you talk to your husband and retrace your steps from, at least, the time when your DD was about 14 years old, and all the way through her teenage years up until now. How was your relationship with her before? How has it evolved? When and how did it begin to change? What was your contribution to that evolution, and what was hers?

She was 14 years old when we took her away from everything she knew and moved her here. She had to start in a new school, make all new friends and basically start all over again. We always thought it would be our eldest DD (who was 16 at the time of the move) who would find it more difficult, as the youngest seemed to look fwd to the move. She got on better with DH and was ‘his girl’ so to speak. When she started school, I know that she found it hard to make friends, and for that I tended to ‘spoil’ her more when she got home (god, here is when it all started, I can see it myself now) eventually she made a handful of friends who she got on really well with, and to this day are still friends with them, so for that we are grateful.

Very often, the reason why teenagers act out is that the feel they're not listened to. They're becoming adults, they feel very narcissistic and powerful, they think they know everything and can do everything and they constantly challenge the limits and boundaries of the adults around them. It's part of the learning curve. Yet they still need their parents' approval, and very often they feel judged or repressed. It creates a kind of conflict inside... they still want the parental advice, love and protection, and at the same time they want to fly solo. Sometimes it's hard to find the middle ground in the relationship, and lost of miscommunication happens and worsens things.

It is hard to find the middle ground as a lot of the things we trusted her to do, she went behind our back and did the complete opposite. Some ladies on here might remember the time she went away to her friends for the weekend (or so we thought) we found it hard to let her go, knowing that she is the type of teenager to have a few drinks (a lot of the time too many) and we were concerned for her. This time we let her go as she was staying with her friend at her friends house, with responsible parents. Only once she had left, the following day we found out that she had actually got on a plane and flew over to England with her friend and went to a weekend rave/party. When we lifted her from the bus depot she was dressed in a pair of hot pants, with whistles around her neck, paint all over her face and smelling like a brewery. She was never punished for this … I stepped in and calmed things down at home with DH as he wanted her punished, grounded – all internet access stopped. But I didn’t, because I was afraid she would rebel against him. How wrong was I by stepping in and undermining DH’s authority at home. I feel so guilty about this, and can now understand how he has felt over the passed few months.

One thing they still need are boundaries that stay strong. Yes, some rules can change because they're no longer children. Other rules must remain the same if they are really important to you. Like respecting each other. If you're not there to teach her that, she'll learn it later by rubbing against a stern teacher or boss, and the cost of her learning curve will be heavier.

DH feels that she doesn’t respect him because she repeatedly disobeys him, and I have let this happen. I cant believe how stupid I have been, craving her love and pushing away DH at the same time. Last night he said to me that after everything that has gone on, he now feels ‘empty’ and feels that she has taken him for a ride for the past year or so, not caring about anyone else but herself.

Lastly... you can't force closeness in a relationship. Nature organises things well... look at all the teens who are still very dependent of their parents when they leave for college. They're insecure, they second-question every decision, and so on. Part of the deal is to let your daughter spread her wings and jump off the nest, and get hurt a few times in the process. She'll learn, she's not stupid. The tricky part is that, yes, it also means the parents' advice suddenly becomes unimportant. It also means she'll distance herself from you, you'll be less important in her life.But she'll come back. With time, with her experiences, she'll soon realize that you can still be incredibly useful to her, and I mean that in a good way.

Well I hope she comes back, because watching her go is literally breaking my heart. She is in all honesty, my best friend, my shopping buddy, we do have fun together at the weekends when we go shopping, its not all doom and gloom. I think that as she now has a b/f and wants to spend all her time with him, I feel I’m being pushed out too – I know it’s a mothers job to let this happen and to watch her as she spreads her wings and enjoys the beginning of a relationship with her b/f – he seems like a nice enough boy (what we have heard about him) an she has fun with him, and she seems so in love with him, and him with her – I know what its like when your young and in love, but its so dam hard to watch him get all her attention when I want some too. I know that sounds so silly and childish, but I can’t help the way I feel. It’s so hard to let go, but I know deep down that we have to, and I know DH is having a problem with that too. She was from the age of 9 – his ‘wee pet’ his ‘wee baby’ and it hurts that she isn’t anymore ….. I used to think our life was so perfect, or so I thought, I just wish I had seen the cracks forming before it was too late. I suppose in a way, we are still learning as parents too – its not as easy as the books make out!

Angel/Carolyn/Miracle: I want to thank u too ladies, for being here for me when I have needed you, hope I haven’t put anyone off having babies lol – think I mite have put myself off lol, don’t know if I could go thru all this again at the tender age of 60 lol

Xxxxxxx

[Miracle08]

Hi Ladies!! Sorry I didn't have a chance to sign on yesterday...do you all forgive me??

How are you all today? I see Becky is the only one that has signed on so far...Where are you all at???

Well I get to babysit my TWO favorite kiddos today. My best friend, the one who I went shopping with, is going to open house at school tonight with her daughter. Her DH is a cop and he works nights. SO I get to spend time with my favorite babies. Ok, so there arent really babies anymore, but to me, they will always be babies!!! On is turning 2 in a couple of weeks and the other 3 and a half. Sweetest babies ever. I just love them. Oh, yes about shopping. My friend did find a FAB dress. She looked stunning!!! It is for her sis in laws wedding. (they are very posh people...nothing but the best for their daughter) Anyway, I told her that she was so beautiful in it that no one will be looking at the bride!! It is a very pretty darkish blue. Hangs just below the knee. Lots of detail at the top. She is going to be so beautiful. I wonder if DH will be able to contain himself!!! Nope, I didnt buy anything. Didnt need anything. Just had a good time with my friend.

Sophie!!!!! I was so excited to sign on this morning to read the good news of your U/S!!!!!!!!! WHOO HOO so excited for you hun!!! Thanks for all the good tips on relaxation. YES mine is total anxiety!!! It is awful. I really try not to worry but i just dont know how not to. You are such an intelligent woman!! Your parents must be very proud.
Yes, I agree...no over doing it right now. Just take it easy and be pampered!!!! BIG HUGS SOPHIE!!!

Becky...I was starting to think my post may have offended you. I am so relieved that it didnt. I am really sorry you and DH are going through this right now. I can only imagine how you are feeling. Just know we are here for you always...HUGE HUGS TO LOVE!!!!!


Angel love!!! How are you?? Well dont beat yourself up too much for your "binge" eating. You have been so VERY stressed at work, plus I know tmt is on your mind as well. Life is so very very stressful. Seriously, if that is the worst thing you did.. you are doing good sweetie!!! Please please please, dont fret. Easier said than done, I know. If it makes you feel any better, I was A COMPLETE HOG THIS WEEKEND!!!!!! IF IT WAS IN SIGHT IT WAS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hi Carolyn. Sorry to hear about your bummed weekend. Sucks when you have a sucky weekend. I know you are in your meetings right now, but know I am thinking of you. Cant wait to have you back tomorrow!!!! How are you doing with the clinic issue??

Chriss...where are you? You can not possibly still be at the beach? You would look like a lobster by now!!! HOw are you? We miss you...

Angie...thinking of you my love! HOpe everything is working itself out...

OOOOO STEPHJIM...come out come out wherever you are!! Take it easy chick!!! I cant believe you are 27 weeks already!!!!

Ok LOVELIES...I must sign off for now. Will be popping in...

baby dust and love to all!!!!

[Welshgirl38]

Jeeze, arc at me, logging on an not even congratulating you Soph on finding a heartbeat .....

So pleased for u hun, i really am glad this is all going to plan for you, i cant imagine how releived u and DH must be

Sending much love and kisses ...

Xxxxx

[wishfull27]

hello lovelies !

well I have just about survived the last 2 days conference although on several occasions I did lose the will to live - all about company re branding and visions and strategies for future ... yawn.. yawn!!

Still nhothing from clinics although have appointment at local clinic tom to dicuss DE - but 6 month plus waiting list - but figured might as well get name on it - nothing to lose there!!

Becky - glad you seem to be getting somewhere and what our personal shrink said helped and made some sense and helped to put things in perspective - no sign of AF yet??

Angel - I think the miserable weather made you binge - cold.. damp weather = comfort foods - are you any furhter forard for next cycle??

Mir - glad you had successful retail session

Sophie - yeh a heart beat - so pleased that all seems to be settling down for you xx

We decide to book holiday as just fed up with wait for next stage and ED waits .. just needed somwthing to look forward to - anyway spend a couple of hours looking on line and DH said leave it to me I will sort it out .. so ladies he blew the budget we had set and we are off to Maldives and will be there for my 40th.. sunshine at last - am sooo excited .. so back on health kick and off to gym now - want to lose a stone by 26th October .. I love my DH - am a bit mad at how much he spent but heyho its only money

working from home tom - well after clinic appointment so will catch you all then

Big hugs

carolyn xx