Way to go Becky!!!!! 15 eggies, that's AMAZING!!!!! DH's soldiers even have the luxury to be picky now, LOL!
I'm absolutely thrilled! Thanks Shantala for letting us know!!!!:D:D
Miracle,
GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK! The news about your husband's job is awesome! YIPPEE!!! Money money!!! I'm so sorry you've been feeling bitter lately. I wish I could make it all go away but, sadly, it's something we all go through from time to time, even when the treatments work. At the very beginning, during my first two cycles, I did the exact same thing as you. Especially during stimming and my 2ww, I would go on baby stuff websites, I'd read reviews about some products, I would check and recheck the due date, check the astrological sign the baby would be and read about his/her personality, check nursery decorations and so on. You name it. And yes, when I got that BFN, I felt stupid and even more bitter. But you and I aren't stupid. Looking at baby-related stuff is our way to live the dream. It's our way to try and get some excitement during the never-ending wait for that baby. It's a way to make us feel it's something within our reach, something that can really happen to us.
What I'm trying to say is... the fact you're still looking around for baby stuff simply means you're still believing in your dream. Keep believing, keep the faith, my sweet friend, and if your behavior makes you happy from time to time, then keep looking sweetie. Right now, there's no reason to think it will never be your turn. When your patience is FINALLY rewarded and you can give treatments a try, who knows, you might be struck with the beginner's luck!
The lady at the pharmacy told me, long ago (the pharmacy specializes in fertility drugs), "You know, for some reason, IVF seems to work more for first timers and on the third try!" Go figure! But that's what she's observed over the years. LOL and never mind the fact she told me that... on my second attempt! 
(looks like she was right, I got a BFN)Give yourself some time, hunny. It took me years before I could welcome the news of another person's pregnancy without feeling jealous, envious, angry, sad, bitter, you name it. Each person grows through that whole process, and I'm not worried for you. You've already shown many times that you have amazing qualities; no doubt they will help you through the fertility journey.
Thanks for asking about my dogs, and I'm glad to hear that Charlie is doing better. My boy is calmer now, he's a real Romeo, I swear... he keeps seducing me with his big wet brown eyes and I have to be very careful not to pet him more than my girl. He's recovered from his surgery. Now we're trying to fix the dogs' diet. The trainer made a very convincing case about natural food, basing her statements on studies with wolves. Some facts are rather disturbing... for example, in order to hold together, dry pet food has to be made of 60% cereals at least. Plus it has to be cooked at extra-high temperatures to become really hard (good luck with finding vitamins and nutrients after the cooking process). Cats and dogs don't need cereals in their diet... plus, given that there are no specific laws concerning the quality of the meat or meat flour that's used in canned or dry food, most of the meat comes from sick or dead animals, in a word, from meat that humans would never be allowed to eat. Plus, when a company buys its meat flour from another company, they're not legally bound to list its ingredients. Not to mention the fact that a lot of the information vets are given during their studies comes from food companies-funded research... get my drift? Plus the fact that many vets sell dry food, so they're automatically biased. It's too bad I wasn't there for the vet's visit yesterday, but I'll call him with some questions.
Okay, enough babbling... take care!
Sophie xxox
You made my day!!!!
i too look at all the baby stuff.....there are even days/times when a fricken diaper commercial brings me to teers!!! in addition to being just generally bitter at the world (especially all those women who get bfp and "weren't even trying" - RACHEL DEAR - YOU ARE SO EXCLUDED FROM THIS STATEMENT -- YOU'VE LIVED THRU INFERTILITY.....that being said....i REALLY have bad attitude toward those women 
) i also go in/out of being really mad at God.....sorry to all you Jesus lovers --- i eventually get over it (being mad specifically at Him).....but honestly, i get so pissed - wondering what i did wrong.....knowing that i want it SO badly -- so desperately -- why not me?? why can't i be a mommy???? 
guess what i'm tryin' to say is "been there - done that".....and quite honestly - still doing it!! was (am) really thrilled about the prospect of adoption and think will be a great road for us once we're finally able to get there....but in the meantime - in the absence of having money coming out my bum ---- is simply another road block..........i get what you're saying.....i SO get what you're saying... hang in there sweetie -- better days are in store for us 
you're one of the lucky ones!!!
