Hi Ladies;
In regard to telling or not, I went to
www.donor-conception-network.org and downloaded the info on "talking and telling." Yes, if you tell, your child should be told from birth onward. I plan to tell mine that an "egg lady" helped make him/her. I also plan to tell everyone because I figure it will get out once my other kids know. I will always refer to the ED as the "wonderful egg lady" who helped mommy and daddy make him/her.
I do think others will think differently at first but that will change after a while since biologically the child will be connected with my husband's genes and the child will have traits of him and his/her siblings because of it. It's tough because people will talk at first but feel once it is not treated as a big deal, the issue will get smaller and smaller.
If you tell, it must be from the get go with your child. It's the parents who disclose later in life because of a medical issue or parents separating, etc or they "can't handle the secret" anymore, that usually cause distress to the child emotionally. If the child knows from the beginning then it doesn't become "an issue." It's all they know and they know that mommy and daddy are a real parents.
Tough decision for me too. I never planned to tell until our psychologist the clinic said that this is where all the research is pointing for positive outcomes. It seems that the children of ED are totally connected with their true parents and really feel respected for being told.
Using ED is nothing to be ashamed of...and we know this. I feel like people will be shocked and not understand it at first but this is a job I have to take on for now. For me I was really stressing with keeping a "secret," but for my husband keeping a secret was not an issue at all. That's why it has to be totally up to each couple to decide what is best for them.
I ordered this book, "Experiences of Donor Conception: Parents, Offspring and Donors through the Years" Lorbach.
Again, it's totally up to you but wanted to share what I found out from searching and hearing from our counselor. Also, check out Zannah's story at the donor conception network too. Wow, that was awesome.