NOV/DEC 2009 -- Cycle Group

[LorrieS]

Thanks everyone for the kind words.

I am looking early for Follistim so I dont stress over that in a month or so. I'm really soul searching and trying to find some kind of peace but it's still early. I need more time to go through the 'process' I guess. I'm still having alot of cramping pain and blood flow. Not sure how long this will go on, it seems I've been bleeding for over 3 weeks now I'm really tired of it. I also have a UT now. I couldn't get my RX filled today so now I need to go first thing in the morning as the ER dr only gave me 2 caps to start me off. I couldn't take tonights dose cause I didn't have it.

If anyone does have any Follistim left that want to donate or sell cheap please PM me.

Thanks again for all the prayers and comments. Its mean alot to me being so new to this group too. (((HUGS)))

[BRMommy2B]

Good morning ladies. Just got the call from the RE with my Beta #2, which was 1282. Beta #1 was 425, so it's well over the doubling they're looking for. Yippeeee!

[hjw]

LorrieS - I'm pleased to read that you and DH are looking foward, but I know it must be so hard to come to terms with what just happened and it is bound to take some time for you to find peace. I hope you and DH aren't fighting anymore and are able to give each other support and comfort. Thinking of you...

BRMommy2B - my word, Hope's going crazy in there! What a great couple of betas, did you celebrate with your family today? I'm praying that my single embie Zorba can do as well as yours, 5 days and counting to my home test!

julia_78 - one more sleep until beta!!! I'm on tenterhooks for you!

AFM, I think I'm prepared for either outcome at this stage. I feel pretty back to normal physically now, and actually I have so much energy that I'm itching to get outside and back to pre-ER/ET activities, but I'm forcing myself to carry on taking it easy until we test. I keep thinking that all this energy can't be a good thing, most people seem to feel tired before they get their BFP rather than the other way round. Oh well, I'm trying to keep up some PMA and an open mind until Saturday!

[justwannabamom]

BRmommy2B congrats on that beta. That is wonderful news!

[julia_78]

brmommy2b - happy dance for your beta, that's great news! are you thinking multiples? i am really happy for you & DH.

hazel, my 2ww friend - how are you holding up? don't worry about the "no symptoms", we are not supposed to have any this early. i know zorba will be just as sticky and happy as brmommy2b super beta embryo!!

afm - am going mad in the last stretch of the 2ww. i am going to be in bed at 8 tonight so it will be tomorrow sooner. i feel like i am a teenager all over a gain, it reminds me of waiting for my boyfriend to call when i was 15, as if nothing else in the world matters except for that one call. i still don't think i have any real symptoms (though my body continues to play tricks on my mind and vice versa).

[LorrieS]

brmommy2b - Congrats on your second beta! Nice rise.

hjw - I really hope this is it for you. You can't go on any symptoms being the same as anothers. Some feel absolutely nothing before their BFP. I did feel alot of difference as I got closer to 6 weeks. Now I can say that I know what so many are talking about. Alot of our symptoms prior to that are not common.

julia_78 - Have you tested at home yet?? I hate the 2WW. It's really hard even more so when you get to the few days before BETA.


Thanks ladies for the kind words. I'm Sad, Lost, Empty to name a few.....oh yes, can't forget ANGRY. I guess it's a process...

I'm just so tired, emotionally and mentally. I guess my Dr was right about my eggs. Yes, I produce many still at my age. Yes, I made they made it to blast this time, which was a shock. Yes, most of my eggs generally look of great quality, but it doesn't mean they are.

I keep thinking about my baby. I keep having to tell myself that there was something wrong chromosonally (sp?) with him/her and that's why it didn't make it. I told DH a few minutes ago on the phone that I really miss having a baby inside me. I felt so much love and happiness, but I will say that the bleeding day in and day out took it's toll on me. I was stressed. I was sick of hearing how 'normal' it is to bleed. I hated it. I want none of that next time. If there is a next time. I can't even wrap my mind around it, but I know if I want a baby I'm going to have to.

I'm still bleeding pretty heavy. Cramping and lower back pains still. I guess AF like symptoms even though I know they're not. They're from my baby being gone and my uterus shedding all that's left behind.

It's a hard day today. I called my clinic. Finally got up the nerve to let them know I m/c on Saturday and went to the ER. My nurse said to bring the paperwork on Wednesday. They'll still want to do an u/s to make sure everything is ok. I hope they don't want to do a D & C on me. I wouldn't think so knowing I passed everything. for that. Couldn't bare to go through anything else 'down there' right now. I think that will be what brakes the 'camels back' if they do.

I'm back at work today. I pulled in the parking lot this morning and started balling my eyes out. Sat in my truck for about 5-10mins just crying and thinking that the last time I was here I was pg. It just breaks my heart so much.

[BRMommy2B]

LorrieS: I just wish there was something anyone could do to take away your pain. I hope that you can find a way to move on and decide what is next for you. What is the RE recommending?

Julia_78: My clinic is acting like my high numbers simply mean that it's a strong pregnancy, but that I'm well within the normal range. They haven't even mentioned multiples. My DH and I would be thrilled, but I'm not going to be even the least bit sad if it's just little Hope in there! We've started talking baby names, and I feel almost wrong changing it from Hope (but I'm not a big fan of that as an actual name, so I guess I'll have to get over it)! Can't wait to hear from you tomorrow. I'm still the only one on the September Mommies board!

Justwannabeamom: Thanks! We are soooo excited!

hjw: I am rooting for Zorba. I had a great visit with the family, and they already left. Dad had to get back to work today (in Texas). They are so pumped right along with us!

My little ticker is annoying me! It still says 4 weeks 2 days, which was yesterday. What's going on???

[hjw]

julia_78 - GL, GL, GL, GL, GL for your beta tomorrow! Can't wait to hear another lovely strong beta number...

BRMommy2B - I can't tell you how much I want to come and join you over on the September mommies board on Saturday!!!

Night ladies, speak to you all tomorrow,
Hazel

[katie99]

Hi girls -

How are you all doing? I've been trying to keep busy, so I havent been around too much. Plus DH having all this time off is turning into project time around the house. On a high note we will finally repaint 2 rooms that he chose the color for before I moved in - big hooray for that! Finally go hear what new plan RE has for me tomorrow, so we'll see



Julia - So much luck for you tomorrow!!

Hazel -Wow I know it doesnt feel the same way for you - but your 2ww seems like its going quickly! Yippee for that! Now its less than a week! So exciting - Sat is just around the corner! Dont stress symptoms or no symptoms - you know it doesnt mean anything at all. I'm praying that you get to join BRMommy on that pg board! Wish I was going with you! A friend of mine asked me today if I'm not sick of this ivf thing yet - I told her it was the understatement of the year! Ahh someday I hope!

Lorrie -You have to give yourself time to grieve. When you are feeling better its easier to try to figure it out. This is so hard on us please treat yourself a bit. I wish it werent like this for some of us, but we cant give up on our dreams - prayers that 2010 is our year!

BRMommy -Yippeee! Thats a great 2nd beta!

[Skylar]

BRmommy2B Congrats on the great beta, I had a feeling everything was going to go good for you, that's because you got up from a bad fall. Congrats
Brooklyngirl I am sorry that you were canceled, when are you going to try again.
LorrieS I know how you feel, I felt the same way with all my m/c each one got worst for me. Me and my dh fought our last ones also, but made up after some of the hurt from the m/c was gone. All I can say is, let it all out. Scream and yell if you need to. Cry and pray also, little by little things will get a little better, no you will not be jumping up and down happy a week from now but at least you can cope.
I love the fact you keep writing about your feelings because that is the way to start healing, these ladies are wonderful. We all been through a lot of pain and we can totally understand. So write to us often.
Julie78 I cannot wait to hear about your beautiful beta number tomorrow.
AFM: Not a lot here, I just been sick, nausea. I will not complain ,I know that the nature of the pregnancy beast, My dh got crackers and water, I end up vomiting later. I am a lot better. The acid reflux is kicking my butt. No complaining just letting you know that 2 weeks ago I said I was not having any symptoms well boy oh boy, I know now I need to shut my mouth.

[LorrieS]

BRMommy2B - We spoke (oddly enough) briefly about another cycle actions last Thursday when he was already dooming the pregnancy (now I guess I have to say he was right ) We're going to do the same protocol except I'm not going to do the Dexamethsone as that one I keep taking till a HB is seen. I told him I didn't like the idea of being on a steroid for so long. So we will do the Medrol 16mgs for 4 days starting night of ER like many clinics do. I'm not even sure I want to do Lovenox this time. I'm still in a fog about our next attempt. The loss is still too fresh, but I know we will be so that's why I'm trying to ask for Follistim donations so I'm not stressing about that when the time comes. About your ticker, mine was doing that too on this site for some reason. Not sure what the deal is with that.

katie - I know have alot of things to go through yet. IDK...I'm just trying to think ahead so I try and avoid all the pain my heart feels. Like people always recommend you get a plan in action to overcome sadness and grief. I keep crying on and off when I stop and think of what happened 2 days ago and what I was going through. It was awful and very sad. Good luck tomorrow with your RE. Looking forward to hearing about your appt.

Skylar - Great beta numbers! Sorry you've been feeling sick...but on the other hand I'm really not. Good sxs!! Keep them coming (even though they suck) they're reassuring.

Tom (DH) and I had a good talk tonight. We really have agreed that the baby had to have some chromosone issues. It makes things less painful (not really) but I guess a bit less. I found an interesting article online about the sperm being an issue too. It said:

• Paternal factors: Little is known about how the father's condition may contribute to a couple's risk for miscarriage, though the risk increases with the father's age. Researchers are studying the extent to which sperm could be damaged by environmental toxins but still manage to fertilize an egg. Some studies have found a greater risk of miscarriage when the father has been exposed to mercury, lead, and some industrial chemicals and pesticides.

So I told Tom that not only are my 'aging' eggs a factor so is his sperm (whether they are swimming in the right direction and are in good shape) they might still have chomosone issues. His eyebrows went up as I read that pharagraph to him, like he was surprised. He's been in Pest Control for 20 years now, so why couldn't it be him??? It's really made him think now. He knows that every try, every cycle has to give us knew Hope that that 'ONE GOOD EGG' is in there and we will eventually get pg with it. I used Tracey as an example as to all the IUI's she did and had 2 m/c's and now a perfect baby has finally come about. It's a shame we 'older' women have to go through this, it's not YAY we're pg...well it is YAY but then will it be a healthy baby???

Oh well.....just BSing right now....I have so much to go through till we even try again. I have emotional issues that need to be resolved or should I say under control before then.

[hjw]

Morning ladies!

julia_78 - it's 10am here and I'm anxiously waiting to hear a great beta number from you today! I'm guessing I might have a bit of a wait anyway what with the time difference, so can you please tell your RE's lab to hurry up with the results, hahaha? Keeping everything crossed for you...

BRMommy2B - I'm so pleased that you had a good time with your family, what a great thing that they came to visit when they heard your news.

katie99 - hey there! So you're putting DH to work on house projects while he's on holiday, huh? At least that should free up the computer so you can come and talk to all of us! Well, at least my 2ww is going fast for one of us, I can't say it feels that way for me!! And I know, I know, symptoms don't mean anything, but it's sooooo hard not to worry that feeling back to normal is a bad thing after lots of symptoms in the first half of the 2ww, particularly as that's how I felt last fresh cycle when I got my BFN. Oh well, I'll just have to be patient... GL for your IVM class today, we're all excited to hear what's going to get you that BFP next time! (And then you won't need to put up with this 'ivf thing' any longer!)

Skylar - good to hear from you! Hope that horrible nausea gets better soon. Sounds like DH is being a sweetheart and looking after you. I've heard that acupuncture helps a lot too with morning sickness - did you do any acupunture during your cycle? I can't always remember who did and who didn't on this board!

LorrieS - Oh sweetie, I really feel for you and DH, this is such a hard time for you. Your article about sperm quality was interesting - whether or not pesticides might have caused issues, it sounds as if your DH has now realised that IVF is a truly team effort, regardless of what the infertility 'issues' might be. I have faith that we will all get our dreams fulfilled when it is meant to be. I really hope your u/s tomorrow shows that you don't need a D&C. Thinking of you as always...

Hazel

[Riley baby maybe]

JULIA - I'M DYING TO KNOW YOUR BETA!!!!!

[julia_78]

our beta was 42. so we're pregnant. our IVF nurse said she's happy with everything over 30. but that seems so low compared to everyone else's doesn't it? our embryos were 6 days when frozen/ implanted, and the transfer was 8 days ago so that puts us at 14 days. from the betabase it looks like the median is 100 at 14 days so i'm definitely on the low side. and my progesterone is low so they asked me to double up on the progesterone inserts. so we're excited, but worried too. i guess this is part of being a parent isn't it - once i'll be done worrying about my beta, i'll worry about a healthy delivery, then about sudden infant death syndrom, then about hitting development milestones, then about bad boyfriends and drinking & driving. i guess i better get used to the worrying.
i am going back on mon for blood work to see if the progesterone levels are back to where they are supposed to be.
thanks for the good wishes everyone
- julia

[BRMommy2B]

Julia_78: Yay!!!!!!!!!! So happy for you. Everyone keeps telling me that the beta number itself isn't what's important, but how it increases. Are you not going back in two days for another beta? If not, I'd ask to! It's supposed to increase by at least 66%, and that tells you the progress the embryo is making, which is way more important than the beta itself.

But your preggers! I'm so happy for you, and another September baby! If you're wanting to join the pregnant after treatment board, I'd suggest joining the August one as well as September since I'm still the only one in September. Then hopefully some others will start to join us and we can get a good board going!