Jan/Feb 2010--Cycle Group

[claud662]

Katie-holy cow....I read this post about 20 minutes and was in the car with my mom when I read it and we talked about the situation and what we would do personally. Ultimately this decision has to be made by you and DH and if having a genetic offspring is the most important thing or not. If it were ME....I think I would do the blasts that your RE is offering. The 30k financial hardship, finding a donor, the possibility of it still ending up a BFN even with donor eggs are all things I would factor in.

Question-is there anything legal you have to do before making this decision based on using the couple's blasts? What is the process? would you have a FET in the next couple days since your body is preparing already for it?!?!

I can't wait to hear everyone's responses to this and what you and DH decide on and whatever your choice is will be the RIGHT choice for your family.

love and thoughts are with you.

[gi]

Katie OMG!!!!! What a bloody day for you so sorry you got no eggs that must have been a complete shock. Right here is my opinion and i will be totally honest. We know your ovaries are very tempermantal and you havent had any great cycles to date so donor was always on the cards in the backround but this is the most FANTASTIC gift someone can give you and you will never be offered the opportunity again. TAKE IT just TAKE it, i believe things happen for a reason. If you and dh dont mind it not been genetically yours (for me i say who cares you will be carrying it, giving it life) then just do it. You and dh are a fantastic couple and deserve to become parents this could be it, your little baby could be on of those fantastic little blasts....imagine!!!! Ok i am getting a little excited cause i really want you to do it i am one of these people who doesnt care how i get pregnant i just want to be and i want everyone else to be the same but i guess it doesnt work that way, do what your heart tells you to do but dont have any regrets, dont think in 10 yrs from now What if?? you need to be 100% sure of your decision xxxx ah feck it Do IT!!!! I dont think you would have posted your message if you were totally opposed to it, go get your baby xxxx

[claud662]

Have a few minutes before my Starbucks date with DH and wanted to do some personals

Franny, Kim, niki, & T3-I'm so sorry again for BFN but I hope that you all take some much needed TLC and then jump back on this crazy ride. I will be thinking of you and hoping you will stay around on the thread.

Sonya-22 eggs?!?! DRINK GATORADE!!! I can't wait to hear the fertilization report tomorrow! How many are you planning to transfer?

Miyaya-thinking of you today and I hope they get tons of eggs!! I know you were nervous the past couple of days so I hope all of your anxiety is gone and you are now resting

Heather-so glad that AF has stayed away so far!! Hoping the best for Monday!!

Sam-a line is a line!!!! I can't wait for it to get bright pink for you!!!! That's really exciting-and keeping fingers crossed for my POAS addict!!

Ronda-Don't give up on the PMA!! I hope that you get the line in the next day or so and they say FET's are late implanters!!!

Beth-6 inches?!?! It is just nasty cold today with a frigid wind chill!!! Hope your day stuck in with the hubby is enjoyable

To everyone I missed-thinking of you always.

AFM...Tonight is my last night of Lupron (!!!) and tomorrow night is the BUTT shots!!! I go in Tuesday morning for my last SnS and then Wednesday is the T-day!!!! I have been an emotional basket case since pumping all this estrogen into my body...I don't think I was this emotional on the fresh IVF?!?!

xoxo
c

[lou71]

Katie -- Oh my dear... I only got through the first couple of sentences in your post before I was in tears. I had to get up and walk around a bit to come back and finish reading it. First off... I'm sooo sooo sorry that this didn't work for you. It's truly heartbreaking. I prayed you would get ONE good embryo to transfer from this to have that chance. It's so obvious how badly you want this and that you guys would make amazing parents. It sucks that a donor cycle would be cost prohibitive. And you've already spent so much.

But about this gift... OMG.... what an amazing and selfless offer. Already at good quality frozen blasts. Even affording a donor cycle doesn't guarantee 4 blasts. I understand your DH's sacrifice about giving up the genetic link, but if you two can get past that, then if it were me, I'd look at it as my best chance. You get to get a BFP... carry the child... give birth to your baby.... breast feed that baby from your own body if you wish... so it's YOURS and DH's. You get to give life and DH can share that experience with you every step of the way. Many in my DH's family have adopted, including his sister. Even with adoption, family is family. There is no differentiation. But with this option, you get to be pregnant. A genetic link will soon not matter when you see the ultrasound and hear the heart beat of your child inside you. What I don't understand is why they are making you decide in one day?!?!?! Are they offering them to someone else if you don't take them? What a heavy decision for you and DH to make in a short time period! It's also a very personal decision that only you two can make. Only you know how much more you can take. Weigh all your options and get educated on your chances for success with each option, then decide. I wish there was more I could do to help. I know you will make the right choice for you. This is just my opinion and viewpoint. I know my DH would choose to go forward with the offer if it were us in the same position. You're incredibly strong. Good luck.

[gi]

oh i was supposed to hit preview on my last message to katie before i sent it to see if i sounded to harsh or forcing my opinion and in my total excitement over her news i hit send sorry katie i dont want you to think i am forcing a decision, have a good ould chat with dh this is major!!

To those poor girls who got bfns i am so sorry i really hoped when i logged on today it would be great news, thinking of ye xxx

Samantha you cheater you!!!! Sounds like a bfp to me cant wait to hear your beta, roll on the BFP's we need some good news around here!!

Sorry i cant do more personnels there was too many pages to catch up on i am a bit lost!!! But i do think of each and every one of ye.

AFM thanks for all your wishes yesterday went well, they removed the polyp and then found a fibroid at the back of my womb so removed it as well said it shouldnt interfere with implantation. Have to set my alarm for the morning so i can start the sniffer!!!

Chat later gi xxx

[latrell22]

Franny, Kim, Niki, and T3 I am thinking of you all. I'm so sorry!! Don't loose hope. Praying for you and thinking of you! Big hugs!!

[lou71]

Lou - I think that my DH and I are done trying for now. We have been trying for 4 years. I got pregnant on my own once and m/c at 7 wks, 4 rounds of chlomid, 4 IUI's, 1st IVF chemical pregnancy, 2nd BFN. The frustrating part is that they say that there is nothing wrong with my DH or I. He is 36 and I am 34. I think we just need to stop at this point. I can't keep putting myself through this emotionally.

I don't mean to bring everybody else down!

Again, I'm really sorry Niki. You've been down quite a road and I understand your decision. Have you ever discussed or considered adoption? I hope you find happiness and peace with whatever you and DH decide to do in the future.

[miyaya]

Hi girls. I just got back....there is no way I can do personals and this will be quick as I am in a lot of pain. ER went well....they got 21! I will be curious to see what the fert report is. Anyways, they have me doing a 2/3 transfer which I do not understand. I was always a 3/5 flex....I guess we will get more info tomorrow. As for my pain....they had to really work at getting my right ovary! I guess it was a bear...that caused bleeding and they had to give me two stitches...plus they had to stitch my cervix to straighten it for ET...so as you can imagine, I am in huge pain! I promise to catch up later....

[beth84]

A quick note to Katie - I'll do more personals later.

First, I am so sorry about how this process has gone for you. No one deserves to go through what you've been through.

This offer of donated blast must come as huge shock, and especially to be decided so quickly. I don't know how you feel about the genetic link - but I just wanted to tell you. My siblings were adopted, and my mother would have literally ripped apart anyone who implied that all her children weren't "hers". I can't imagine loving my nieces and nephews more if they were genetically related to me. I can't imagine that you and DH wouldn't immediately connect with your child, even if the embryo weren't originally yours.

But, I think you also need to follow your gut, and I'm guessing that you and DH have some immediate reaction. I know that my DH won't go the donor route or the adoption route - he's much more tied to having a biological child. I envy those of you with partners who are willing to try the non-genetic route, because I'd do it in a heart beat.

Know that we are all here supporting you and thinking of you.

[Arabsrcool]

Katie,

I am so sorry no good eggs could be retrieved. I was in tears after reading your post. My heart sank for you and then started to soar for you. I say take the blasts, what a great gift. I understand biologically, they would not be yours, but if you went donor egg it would not biologically be both you and DH's. The blasts are obviously good quality, and have proven they can be carried to a live birth (multiples no less). I realize there are no 100% that it will result in live birth for you, but looks promising. It also would be financially the easiest to live with.

Good luck, what a decision to make, but I say go for it. You have already invested so much, this gift may enable you to come out the backside as parents.

Ronda

[katie99]

Thank you all for your advice - I was feeling like my brain was going to explode from this crazy day! I was in tears again reading your replys
I've known (well at least had it in the back of my mind) that we would most likely have to move on to a donor for a while now, but this was a lot to take in when I was just coming out of anesthesia! Now I get why my RE just kept telling us to go get breakfast and come back in an hour - I was like "why is he so concerned with food?" God knows I can stand to drop a few pounds! hee hee. In hindsight he just wanted to make sure that I could be calm and listen and be able to pay attention to him. When he offered us theses blasts I swear I almost fell on the floor! My RE did promise me a few cancellations ago that he wouldnt give up on me, but he looked so sad telling me we got nothing retreived, almost like he felt HE let ME down or something! Of course him & his wife have been through IVF at patients to have their children, so I think he's a little more sympathetic - cause he's been there. I cannot imagine how you even thank somone for this? The couple is of course anonymus but have given RE the rights to choose a recipient couple. He wont tell me too much about them, but says that they're a nice couple and are similar in looks.
I wish there wasnt this need for a decision by tomorrow, but I do think that this doesnt come up too often so its kind of like winning the embryo lottery. I think that if we were to decline (I dont see that happening) I think my RE would have a "yes" really flipping fast. I can get past not having a genetic link - I mean I get to be pregnant (hopefully) and give this embryo life, right? Wow I'm just getting ahead of myself, arent I?
I cant get all sucked in thinking that this will automatically be BFP - but damn its the best shot I've ever had! My DH says he thinks thats its meant to be and that its more important to be a parent than it is to keep a genetic link. I cant just keep getting nowhere but broke with these wasted cycles. I'm exhausted from this past year. I'm pretty sure we will tell RE YES tomorrow. I have to go and get dinner started but I'll be back for personals in a little bit - Thank you guys so much for helping me think this through - I would never have made it this far without you all - xoxo

[moorebaby]

katie- wow what a situation! i'm so sorry that this er resulted in no eggs. but look at it as a blessing in disguise. like all the ladies have said, if you & dh do not care about the gentic connection, i say go for it. success-wise it sounds like the odds would be in your favor. financially it would be a relief. emotionally it would be a dream come true. i understand it is an extremely difficult decision to make, so whatever conclusion you & dh come to, we will all understand. do what's in your heart. (((HUGS)))

[claud662]

Katie-why the need to make the decision by tomorrow? Will the RE be transferring the blasts the next couple days? do you get to use all 4 for your FET's?

[beth84]

Ronda - Es is right - you're testing too early! Remember that false negatives are really common at this point!

Es - I quit real coffee last summer before my second cycle (even though my RE said I didn't have to). I have decaf every morning, and then have real coffee about once a month. Yum. For once, I don't think this snow storm is going to come your way.

Tiger - welcome! How are stims treating you?

Kim - I'm glad you'll be sticking around with us. I know that it's sometimes been hard for me to stay and watch others' BFPs and BFNs, so take time off if you need it.

T3 - I'm sorry to hear about your BFN. How soon you can restart depends on your doctor. I went from my first cycle directly into my second, and Lou is here doing a back to back cycle too.

Sam - I knew it! And I'm happy to hear it's a darker line already! Good news is coming your way on Monday.

Claudia - The estrogen was much worse for me emotionally than stims too! Sorry that you have to start the butt shots now - those are the WORST.

Gi - I'm so glad your surgery went well!

Miyaya - 21 eggs is great! Can't wait to hear the fert report, and I hope you get some pain relief soon.

Thanks for all the advice, ladies. I will get some benefiber and prune juice as soon as I can get out of the house. We ended up getting over 12 inches of snow, so I don't expect to be able to get the car out until tomorrow at the earliest. Unfortunately, I don't think I should shovel snow while I'm in the 2ww, so DH is going to have to do it himself (wink, wink).

[T3]

Hi Katie,

I'm sorry to hear about your news today, but I'm glad to hear that you have another option. The thought of not having a genetic link is not all that great, however, I feel that if you are able to carry a baby in your womb for 9 months, there definately will be a link much more valuable than genetic link. Some people have felt closer to their adopted family than their genetic family.

Genetic is a matter of DNA, however, you will be the one who will support and allow the child to grow. The great thing about this whole process is that the child is very much wanted. There's no accident here.

I definately think you should try it. Hope this helps.

t3