Hi ladies,
I got up this morning and discovered that I was running out of my cyclocur pills so I called the nurse at the clinic and she told me If I wanted i could go today for my beta instead of tomorrow and so I went. She just called my and told my It was NEGATIVE...
she said it was too hard for her to call me and give me the bad news but anyway... she also said that my RE will call me later himself. I don't know what to say and feel girls. this is too much i guess. after 2 years of trying and 6 unsuccessful IVF's we are back to square one. bumner!
I wanted this to work i really did! I felt so bad calling my DH to the UK and telling him that it didn't work and this wasn't his time to be a daddy! he was crashed i know it! even though he tried to play cool for me and told me that he wish he was here with me and that next time will be IT... I don't know girls, maybe I am not a mommy material after all!...
How can everything is perfect by the time of the transfer and prior to that and then...the horrible phone call of the BFN. It sucks! I know, and I know you girls know too! ...I told my DH that I will ask the RE when he calls, when is the soonest to start a new fresh cycle again and he said of course do that! so I guess I'll move on to the summer board as I know when we are starting our 7th IVF! Ouao! 7th! I keep staring at number 7 and I can't believe we came so far and still no baby! & no answers! only BFN's!
...I am scared of the idea that I am going to be posting from the summer board then to the winter board etc etc I 'll be like the None fertile person that years go by and just post from one board to the other. I started from the winter board and this is the april may board and now I'll be moving to the summer board...is that pathetic? it kinda feels like?...so many seasons passed by since me & DH started ivf and still no baby...I am sorry for being so negative! i don't want to bring negative vibes to the board!!! ...
I want to say a BIG Thank you to all you ladies for being SO supportive! and thank you for believing in my BFP! please don't stop!... my friends from this board and the PAT board, you are the best and I wish you only the very best!!! You are all of you such strong women and I feel so blessed to have found you during this difficult journey of IVF...my infertility trip unfortunatelly is not over yet and only with positive thinking and pray i can look forward & eventually get to my target of having a baby. I just hope is not far that target b/c my heart breaks every time it gets further away and Iam afraid that some day I wont be able to put the pieces back to together and start again
...Know that I have you all in my thoughts & prayers!! keep up the good work girls and keep those BFP's coming to this board!!!!
...sorry for no personals this time...next time....
Tons of baby dust to us all!!!
Love anton xxx
