I'm feeling a bit better today. Not sure why. Last night, I really had the feeling that I was failure - I'm failing to get pregnant, or failing to carry to term, or failing to adopt. I'm just failing at parenthood. <sigh> Somehow, feeling more optimistic today...
Neffi - thanks for your outrage

Makes me feel so much better! I post this disappointing piece on news on FB (no IVF on FB, but other things. But generally, I keep my FB out of this struggle) and SOOOO many people chimed in that this was ridiculous. Lots of my friends asked if they could call and give testimony for me

International adoption is a possibility - we've met with an agency that works with Russia/Ukraine. We could have a 6month old baby within a year --- but.... the agency fee is $50,000 up front, and that doesn't include travel and other expenses (at least 2 trips for both of us to Russia). OMG. We can't afford that. My in-laws could easily afford it (ie, write us a check and never notice the 50k is missing), but they are against the idea of international adoption on the basis that "those kids have issues and you guys have gotten so close with the IVF. You should keep doing the IVF". Grrrrrrrr....
Surrogacy is another option - but the government won't pay for the IVF if we use a surrogate. We don't have the money. Maybe we can do another fresh IVF and then (sneaky sneaky) transfer the frozen leftover embryos into a surrogate if that doesn't work. But that means at least one more IVF for me. <sigh> A friend actually offered to surrogate for us. She has 4 kids under 5. She loves being pregnant, but her DH said no more kids. So she is pursuing being a surrogate in general. She would do it for us for free/cost. That is an option too....
Amanda - that scene a few seasons ago (which turned out just to be Sookie's dream) where she was with BOTH Eric and Bill? AWESOME! And Jason? And Alcide? how many hot guys can they put in a single show?
I like your idea of half donor/half yours. I asked if we could do an IUI with BOTH my husband's sperm (super super super low count) and donor sperm. That way, if I got pregnant, we wouldn't know for sure if it was my husband's or not (without a DNA test). We were told that wasn't an option at all. Oh well.
Samantha - I'm sorry the HPT was negative! That's so disappointing. I'm hoping for a BIG FAT SURPRISE BFP today!
Maria - good luck with the pre-op! It's great that they can do all those things at once. I had them all done separately (but was awake for the hysteroscopy and endo biopsies). Congrats on doing well on your evaluation and getting a raise! That's a great feeling!
Julia - I totally get you. I've been there. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard to be 99% sure it's negative, but totally hold onto that 1% hope, even though you know odds are against you. This is NOT your fault. I hope today gives you some answers.
Blessed - thanks for thinking of me. How are your pee sticks? Still a super BFP? Can you be obsessive and take pictures of them and post them? I love HPT pictures! I'm so strange!
Gina - glad to hear you are feeling better. I have a huge time difference with my mom and it's super important for me to remember not to call her in the middle of the night, even for something silly, because she freaks out when she gets middle-of-the-night international calls.
Ninde - I thought "PS I Love You" (book and movie) was super depressing. I don't think I would want my husband to set up something like that. A little weird and creepy... You KNOW there won't be a happy ending, because he's already dead. Civil Rights is a huge joke here - Israelis have no concept. Technically, there are laws, but no one cares. Privacy and individual rights don't exists as concepts here. In that way, things are very "Middle Eastern". --- soooo.... bootcamp workout AND cupcakes? My kinda lady!

(did you know that PhotoBucket has a whole special section called "cupcakes"? Weird)
HopeThisWorksM - fingers crossed for you! I hope that u/s goes wonderfully!
Christy - thanks for your kind words. How are you doing? I know the feeling of "another" BFN... that sucks so much. I was really hoping this would work for you. How is the IVF Attain application going?
Blue eyed - duct tape? wow! That's ingenious of you

I'm sorry you are having more bad luck. Will the insurance cover a new window?
AFM - Getting super antsy. I'm remembering how much I hate the icky mess from the progesterone. I call tomorrow to schedule the timing for the FET. GAH!
I have a countdown clock on my phone. I love countdowns -- so now I'm counting DPO -- today is 3"dpo"! Only 9 days until I start POAS!
Fingers crossed sooooo much that our embryo makes it to transfer!
Also - I'm usually really good about cutting our caffeine before a transfer -- but I'm LOVING the cappuccino machine at work. I can't have enough frothed milk in my life

I'm having one latte/day (ie, one shot of espresso with some steamed milk). That should be fine, right?
