Mandy and Paige,
Wow! You have really touched on one of my worse fears only in reverse.
I understand the range of human emotions that people go through dealing with infertility, and I can imagine if I were in your shoes I might have some resentful feelings toward my husband. I think those feelings would be magnified by the fact if I viewed it as "his problem", but I was the one having to endure all the medical treatment.
Luckily, I don't see it as one person's problem and not the other. Infertilty is really a couples problem. Of course, I am the one medically that can not get pregnant. So, my worse fear is that my husaband sees me as the cause for all the financial and emotional difficulties associted with infertility.
I am not trying to diminsh any of your feeling or emotions, am just expressing my concern: what if that is the way my husband feels? Chris has said some small comments which makes me think that sometimes he does see me as the source of the difficulties. He is also very quick to remind me that a baby may never happen when I talk about our future with children in causal terms. I hope this is just him trying to protect himself and myself from hurt and not the seeds of resentment.
Elizabeth (is that right?),
You are a very funny storyteller. I am surrounded by experts, I mean idiots, full of advice. Good luck in your adventure, and if this is your first time, it is an adventure.
Jaye,
I can really feel were you are coming from. My husband and I have created a long-term plan and are pretty much "devoting" the next three years to trying to have a baby. My worse fear is that at the end of those three years we will still be childfree ( isn't that the political correct term, anyway).
I have only been through one cycle but during the cycle and right after I swore I would never go through IVF again. Two weeks out I could not wait to go again. I am still very anxious to get started. I suspect through the next cycle I will feel the same. My husband I agreed on three full cycles and as many frozen cycles those three cycles allow us. I think after that it will be time to stop. Everyone needs to decide that for themselves.
To be quite honest I am scared to even think about stopping. I hope I never have to get to that point, but the odds are stacked against me.
Mia
P. S. Paige, an underwear model! WoooHooo!
Keep in touch August buddies!
Mia:
I certainly didn't mean to rile you up and second guess your husband's thought process. Though I honestly think that the emotions are magnified when you are the one going through the treatment. Think about if you were diagnosed with something and then your husband had to do everything we have had to endure when it wasn't his issue. So I really think it's magnified...emotionally and hormonally when you are the one getting stuck with a huge flipping Progesterone needle. So I hope that helps. Your dh may have some of the feelings, but I can assure you that if he were getting stuck every night, going through ec and et his emotions would probably be x10.
Talk to him about it. My husband certainly knew my thought process
Paige
I certainly didn't mean to rile you up and second guess your husband's thought process. Though I honestly think that the emotions are magnified when you are the one going through the treatment. Think about if you were diagnosed with something and then your husband had to do everything we have had to endure when it wasn't his issue. So I really think it's magnified...emotionally and hormonally when you are the one getting stuck with a huge flipping Progesterone needle. So I hope that helps. Your dh may have some of the feelings, but I can assure you that if he were getting stuck every night, going through ec and et his emotions would probably be x10.
Talk to him about it. My husband certainly knew my thought process
Paige
Paige,
There is no need to apologize. I agree with you 100% that the actual person going through the treatment tend to have much stronger feelings and is much "closer" to the experience. You did not bring up any feelings that were not already there!! I have posted about these feelings before.
Please do not ever think you need to apologize!!!!! The best thing about the board is that we all can be open and honest about how we feel and we can rest assured that others will understand.
after I posted, I was afraid that both you and Mandy would take my post the wrong way. I guess I just wanted to show things from another perspective.
Mia
There is no need to apologize. I agree with you 100% that the actual person going through the treatment tend to have much stronger feelings and is much "closer" to the experience. You did not bring up any feelings that were not already there!! I have posted about these feelings before.
Please do not ever think you need to apologize!!!!! The best thing about the board is that we all can be open and honest about how we feel and we can rest assured that others will understand.
after I posted, I was afraid that both you and Mandy would take my post the wrong way. I guess I just wanted to show things from another perspective.
MiaVery interesting topic. "Our" problem turned out to be all me. Boy did I feel guilty after the way I acted during the 2 years we were TTC. I thought we weren't doing it at the right times or enough - poor DH! Happily, he was just utterly supportive and willing to do whatever it took after we found out the truth.
Mia,
Do you have frosties? After my failed IVF, I wanted to do another fresh cycle, even though we had frosties. I thought the odds would be better for us with a fresh IVF cycle. People on the board convinced me to do FET instead and it has worked so far (knock on wood). I think that the hormonal disruption of IVF was too much for me and that a natural FET cycle really has helped it to work. And I didn't have to do any injections this time.
Alicia
Mia,
Do you have frosties? After my failed IVF, I wanted to do another fresh cycle, even though we had frosties. I thought the odds would be better for us with a fresh IVF cycle. People on the board convinced me to do FET instead and it has worked so far (knock on wood). I think that the hormonal disruption of IVF was too much for me and that a natural FET cycle really has helped it to work. And I didn't have to do any injections this time.
Alicia
Alicia:
I hope you don't mind me asking, but what was your emotional state regarding the process being female factor and you having to do everything physically. Was it kind of like well, I sliced my hand open and know I'd better go get stitches, or did you still have resentful feelings. Being on the other side of this scenario, I'm just trying to get a better feel for what Mia and yourself went through.
Paige
I hope you don't mind me asking, but what was your emotional state regarding the process being female factor and you having to do everything physically. Was it kind of like well, I sliced my hand open and know I'd better go get stitches, or did you still have resentful feelings. Being on the other side of this scenario, I'm just trying to get a better feel for what Mia and yourself went through.
Paige
Hi Ladies
Hope you are all well, nice to see we are all keeping in touch.
Jaye, I will post you another message, but I can say that I was at my very lowest after our second attempt at IVF came back as a negative. Its like everything you have good days when you know you are doing the right thing and bad days when you want to give up, its just one day at a time.
Mandy & Paige, I asked my dh tonight after reading your posts if he is resentful towards me, he says perhaps a little bit but that having a baby is a joint issue and a joint dream. As the one who is the problem in our relationship I can tell you my feelings of guilt have been enormous at times, at the start I questioned him many times if he really wanted to marry me knowing I may never be able to have children and if he would leave me if it didn't work. However, all the way through this he has been my rock, attending every appointment and listening to anything I have to say, and at the end of the day we both agree that we would make great parents even if the IVF doesn't work both of us would happily explore other options.
Also to say all the do is 'it' in a cup is true but I can say that the worst thing about this cycle of treatment wasn't losing the baby, that really did upset me obviously but it broke my heart to watch my husband weep for that baby. I do agree that we get the short end of the stick but they have to put up with us and in my case after 5 attempts and mad hormones he deserves a medal.
Paige, I don't mean to be funny but you are so lucky to already that a child that I can't help thinking that your veiws regarding how many cycles to put yourself through might be different if that wasn't the case. You are doubly lucky in fact or tripley lucky that you are pregnant on the first attempt and your dh is building you a swimming pool!
I don't know if what I've said will answer your questions as what its like for someone who has the problem Paige, maybe its even more cruel, I often feel that I am being punished for something and that is compounded for me everytime I have a period not only because its obviously a reminder I'm not pregnant but that the nightmare pain and extremely heavy bleeding I suffer effectively means that my problems in this region are having a large impact in my life, even larger than just the treatment.
Wendy
Hope you are all well, nice to see we are all keeping in touch.
Jaye, I will post you another message, but I can say that I was at my very lowest after our second attempt at IVF came back as a negative. Its like everything you have good days when you know you are doing the right thing and bad days when you want to give up, its just one day at a time.
Mandy & Paige, I asked my dh tonight after reading your posts if he is resentful towards me, he says perhaps a little bit but that having a baby is a joint issue and a joint dream. As the one who is the problem in our relationship I can tell you my feelings of guilt have been enormous at times, at the start I questioned him many times if he really wanted to marry me knowing I may never be able to have children and if he would leave me if it didn't work. However, all the way through this he has been my rock, attending every appointment and listening to anything I have to say, and at the end of the day we both agree that we would make great parents even if the IVF doesn't work both of us would happily explore other options.
Also to say all the do is 'it' in a cup is true but I can say that the worst thing about this cycle of treatment wasn't losing the baby, that really did upset me obviously but it broke my heart to watch my husband weep for that baby. I do agree that we get the short end of the stick but they have to put up with us and in my case after 5 attempts and mad hormones he deserves a medal.
Paige, I don't mean to be funny but you are so lucky to already that a child that I can't help thinking that your veiws regarding how many cycles to put yourself through might be different if that wasn't the case. You are doubly lucky in fact or tripley lucky that you are pregnant on the first attempt and your dh is building you a swimming pool!
I don't know if what I've said will answer your questions as what its like for someone who has the problem Paige, maybe its even more cruel, I often feel that I am being punished for something and that is compounded for me everytime I have a period not only because its obviously a reminder I'm not pregnant but that the nightmare pain and extremely heavy bleeding I suffer effectively means that my problems in this region are having a large impact in my life, even larger than just the treatment.
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
Jaye
Sorry last post was a bit negative now for a positive one!!!!!
As for how many times to do IVF, I can say that I never intended for this many, it just worked out that way.
We did our first 2 attempts pretty close together and after that I had pretty much had enough, the first time I didn't expect it to work and my period arrived before the test date. 2nd time was a FET and I had no period when I tested so was devestated when it didn't work.
After that we agreed to have a break and in the meantime wait for NHS funding, although I think we were both thankful of the break. So it was about 18 months between treatments, in the meantime we moved house, had some holidays, changed jobs and tried to enjoy our lives.
We did another full cycle, with funding, last October it was negative, again no period before test so we were pretty upset again. I went through all the usual worries after that, making myself ill worrying about taking time off etc and round about this time we had spoken to a social worker, just an informal chat about foster care, she suggested that once we were finished with the IVF adoption would be a better alternative for us. At that point the pressure sort of lifted a wee bit and we decided to complete the NHS funding then look seriously at adoption after that.
The next full cycle, again funded, ended with ohss but 5 frosties, then this one ended in a positive but M/C. We had essentially given up hope and had decided to use our 3 remaining frosties then call it a day. I have to say that its mainly this cycle that changed our minds, I loved being pregnant and we both saw it as something real rather than a pipe dream.
I would say just do one cycle at a time and see how you feel after every one, its different evertime, its a rollercoaster, just keep hoping, as long as you have hope, money and some sanity its worth carrying on.
Sorry I've rambled a bit but hope this helps.
Wendy
Sorry last post was a bit negative now for a positive one!!!!!
As for how many times to do IVF, I can say that I never intended for this many, it just worked out that way.
We did our first 2 attempts pretty close together and after that I had pretty much had enough, the first time I didn't expect it to work and my period arrived before the test date. 2nd time was a FET and I had no period when I tested so was devestated when it didn't work.
After that we agreed to have a break and in the meantime wait for NHS funding, although I think we were both thankful of the break. So it was about 18 months between treatments, in the meantime we moved house, had some holidays, changed jobs and tried to enjoy our lives.
We did another full cycle, with funding, last October it was negative, again no period before test so we were pretty upset again. I went through all the usual worries after that, making myself ill worrying about taking time off etc and round about this time we had spoken to a social worker, just an informal chat about foster care, she suggested that once we were finished with the IVF adoption would be a better alternative for us. At that point the pressure sort of lifted a wee bit and we decided to complete the NHS funding then look seriously at adoption after that.
The next full cycle, again funded, ended with ohss but 5 frosties, then this one ended in a positive but M/C. We had essentially given up hope and had decided to use our 3 remaining frosties then call it a day. I have to say that its mainly this cycle that changed our minds, I loved being pregnant and we both saw it as something real rather than a pipe dream.
I would say just do one cycle at a time and see how you feel after every one, its different evertime, its a rollercoaster, just keep hoping, as long as you have hope, money and some sanity its worth carrying on.
Sorry I've rambled a bit but hope this helps.
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
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Mandy Miller
- Member
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:20 pm
- Location: Work, London, SE1, England & Home, Harlow, Essex, England
Joint Problem
Hi.
Just wanted to reply to Mia's post to say that although it really must sound like it, I don't completely see it as my husband's problem. I do know it takes two, even in this situation. I must have some sort of problem, as both times I have lost my embryo/s. I must sound really unfeeling, but am not honestly. I did feel a bit like a little school girl being told off by Mia, although I am sure she didn't mean it to sound that way, as least I hope not. I didn't mean to make anyone who has female factors feel it is their fault, its not. It is just it makes you so frustrated & like Paige has said, your hormones are all over the place & none of us likes these injections & I just think our hubbies don't & can't really know completely what we have been/are going through, no matter how much they try. My husband has been so supportive through all this, but he does buy me nice expensive things sometimes & our house is really nice & I just sometimes feel he thinks he can make up for it that way & it will be enough. He says if I didn't want a child, we could be rich & go & live abroad & have a great life. That's why I don't think he totally understands, he's not a woman, how can he possibly undertand my emotions. I am 40 in 2 years & I feel time is fast running out. If I don't make many eggs now, what chance would I have in a year or so.
Sorry all. I think I am on one of my negative phases at the moment. Put it down to PMT!!! Am due on next Tuesday, although I don't expect for one minute to have AF then, I am always late & have been now for the last few years since I came off the pill really 3 years ago. I can't even work that out right for our holiday, whenever we go, you can bet I will come on then, whether early, on time or late!
Thanks for listening again!
Love & best wishes, Mandy.xxx (Apologies to Mia, just wanted to explain that I didn't mean it like it sounded, I am not that unfeeling, just mixed up).
Just wanted to reply to Mia's post to say that although it really must sound like it, I don't completely see it as my husband's problem. I do know it takes two, even in this situation. I must have some sort of problem, as both times I have lost my embryo/s. I must sound really unfeeling, but am not honestly. I did feel a bit like a little school girl being told off by Mia, although I am sure she didn't mean it to sound that way, as least I hope not. I didn't mean to make anyone who has female factors feel it is their fault, its not. It is just it makes you so frustrated & like Paige has said, your hormones are all over the place & none of us likes these injections & I just think our hubbies don't & can't really know completely what we have been/are going through, no matter how much they try. My husband has been so supportive through all this, but he does buy me nice expensive things sometimes & our house is really nice & I just sometimes feel he thinks he can make up for it that way & it will be enough. He says if I didn't want a child, we could be rich & go & live abroad & have a great life. That's why I don't think he totally understands, he's not a woman, how can he possibly undertand my emotions. I am 40 in 2 years & I feel time is fast running out. If I don't make many eggs now, what chance would I have in a year or so.
Sorry all. I think I am on one of my negative phases at the moment. Put it down to PMT!!! Am due on next Tuesday, although I don't expect for one minute to have AF then, I am always late & have been now for the last few years since I came off the pill really 3 years ago. I can't even work that out right for our holiday, whenever we go, you can bet I will come on then, whether early, on time or late!
Thanks for listening again!
Love & best wishes, Mandy.xxx (Apologies to Mia, just wanted to explain that I didn't mean it like it sounded, I am not that unfeeling, just mixed up).
Mandy
Hi everyone,
Wendy, thankyou so much for sharing your experiences - and everyone else who did! It's something I've been wondering - when is it enough? I guess with the 18 months in between tries, that might have given you some renewed energy. I swing between being wildly hopeful about it all and totally pessimistic. It's like every step of the way, I didn't think it would be me. We started trying - I heard about people who took ages and didn't think it would be me. Then we were sure IUI would be all we'd need - and it wasn't. I heard about people who booked in for IVF but got pg while waiting - thought that would be us. It wasn't. Then heard about people who tried again and again - I thought, that won't be us. Then people who had miscarriage after miscarriage. Thought, no way, that won't happen. All of these things have now happened (although so many of you have been through so much more even than I have). And I know of people who just have to give up and accept they will never have children. And I still think that won't be us. But I guess I've started to think, well why not? It's got to be someone, doesn't it? But I'm still pretty down right now, there are other days when I feel more positive - sorry everyone!
The topic about who's fault it is and how we feel is really interesting - we don't know what our problem is, but I wouldn't trade DH for anything, so I'm not going looking for better sperm elsewhere - but I worry that he might go looking for better eggs! I know it's silly, because of course he feels the same way about me as I do about him. But I just hate it when I see him playing with friends children - it's like it reminds me what I can't give him. Even though we don't even know what our problem is so I guess it could just as easily be him as me.
Mandy - I guess I'm tired pretty much sums up how I feel right now too.
It's so great to have you guys to talk to. Take care everyone,
Jaye
Wendy, thankyou so much for sharing your experiences - and everyone else who did! It's something I've been wondering - when is it enough? I guess with the 18 months in between tries, that might have given you some renewed energy. I swing between being wildly hopeful about it all and totally pessimistic. It's like every step of the way, I didn't think it would be me. We started trying - I heard about people who took ages and didn't think it would be me. Then we were sure IUI would be all we'd need - and it wasn't. I heard about people who booked in for IVF but got pg while waiting - thought that would be us. It wasn't. Then heard about people who tried again and again - I thought, that won't be us. Then people who had miscarriage after miscarriage. Thought, no way, that won't happen. All of these things have now happened (although so many of you have been through so much more even than I have). And I know of people who just have to give up and accept they will never have children. And I still think that won't be us. But I guess I've started to think, well why not? It's got to be someone, doesn't it? But I'm still pretty down right now, there are other days when I feel more positive - sorry everyone!
The topic about who's fault it is and how we feel is really interesting - we don't know what our problem is, but I wouldn't trade DH for anything, so I'm not going looking for better sperm elsewhere - but I worry that he might go looking for better eggs!
I know it's silly, because of course he feels the same way about me as I do about him. But I just hate it when I see him playing with friends children - it's like it reminds me what I can't give him. Even though we don't even know what our problem is so I guess it could just as easily be him as me. Mandy - I guess I'm tired pretty much sums up how I feel right now too.
It's so great to have you guys to talk to. Take care everyone,
Jaye
me 34, dh 36
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
Hi all,
Just catching up with this thread. Let me start off by saying that I love my DH with all my heart but I have to admit that I have also felt resentment towards him at times....mainly when I'm in the middle of treatment and my ability to be rational about things seems to go out the window. I mean there I was having shots every day, going to Dr. appts. constantly, going through emotional and physical turmoil and having to give up a lot of things whereas it seemed like his life just went on pretty much as normal. In all honesty, there were times when I would see him take a beer out of the fridge (when I couldn't have one) and I really felt like I wanted to take the bottle and hit him over the head with it
There were also those times when he'd want to do something that I didn't feel up for and, if he was less than 100 percent understanding about it, I would get so angry.... I mean, after all, it was his fault that I was feeling lousy so how dare he complain that I didn't feel like doing anything fun with him?! What he should be doing is sitting at home with me and comforting me in my misery. That was actually how I would sometimes view things when I was in the middle of treatment and I would never admit that to anyone else other than all of you. I'm sure most people would think it was just horrid that I would feel that way.
That having been said, most of the time I am able to view it as our problem and not his fault. Before he got tested, we had assumed the problem was with me even though the tests I had done so far had all come back normal. Like Mia, I started to become worried that he would decide he didn't want to be with me. When we got married, we had planned to have children and I feared he might feel like he had made a mistake since I couldn't live up to that half of the bargain. Of course, he reassured me that he married me because he loved me and that, even if we never had children, that didn't change how he felt about me. When we found out it was him, I felt a bit of relief .... then guilt that I was feeling almost happy it wasn't me. So screwed up, isn't it?
I know that if he were able to be the one to take the brunt of treatment himself, he would do it in a heartbeat rather than see me go through all of it. I have to remind myself that it's not like he has the option and that must be frustrating for him. He does try to do his part by giving me the injections, going to appts. with me when he can, etc. And, of course, he works twice as hard so that I don't have to work and deal with this at the same time. Unfortunately, when I'm in the midst of treatment, it's hard for me to see all the good things he does. I just get blinded, give in to self pity and start feeling like it's all his fault. I do think it really takes things to another whole level of difficult emotions when one person has to actually pay the penalty, so to speak, for the other's shortcomings. I try my best to see it as working together as partners to reach a common goal but sometimes I can't help but feel as though I'm doing all the work...even though I know it's not really the case.
Well, I've really rambled on here but this has always been an issue I've struggled with and it was a bit of relief to find that others actually have the same feelings at times.
Staci
Just catching up with this thread. Let me start off by saying that I love my DH with all my heart but I have to admit that I have also felt resentment towards him at times....mainly when I'm in the middle of treatment and my ability to be rational about things seems to go out the window. I mean there I was having shots every day, going to Dr. appts. constantly, going through emotional and physical turmoil and having to give up a lot of things whereas it seemed like his life just went on pretty much as normal. In all honesty, there were times when I would see him take a beer out of the fridge (when I couldn't have one) and I really felt like I wanted to take the bottle and hit him over the head with it
There were also those times when he'd want to do something that I didn't feel up for and, if he was less than 100 percent understanding about it, I would get so angry.... I mean, after all, it was his fault that I was feeling lousy so how dare he complain that I didn't feel like doing anything fun with him?! What he should be doing is sitting at home with me and comforting me in my misery. That was actually how I would sometimes view things when I was in the middle of treatment and I would never admit that to anyone else other than all of you. I'm sure most people would think it was just horrid that I would feel that way.
That having been said, most of the time I am able to view it as our problem and not his fault. Before he got tested, we had assumed the problem was with me even though the tests I had done so far had all come back normal. Like Mia, I started to become worried that he would decide he didn't want to be with me. When we got married, we had planned to have children and I feared he might feel like he had made a mistake since I couldn't live up to that half of the bargain. Of course, he reassured me that he married me because he loved me and that, even if we never had children, that didn't change how he felt about me. When we found out it was him, I felt a bit of relief .... then guilt that I was feeling almost happy it wasn't me. So screwed up, isn't it?
I know that if he were able to be the one to take the brunt of treatment himself, he would do it in a heartbeat rather than see me go through all of it. I have to remind myself that it's not like he has the option and that must be frustrating for him. He does try to do his part by giving me the injections, going to appts. with me when he can, etc. And, of course, he works twice as hard so that I don't have to work and deal with this at the same time. Unfortunately, when I'm in the midst of treatment, it's hard for me to see all the good things he does. I just get blinded, give in to self pity and start feeling like it's all his fault. I do think it really takes things to another whole level of difficult emotions when one person has to actually pay the penalty, so to speak, for the other's shortcomings. I try my best to see it as working together as partners to reach a common goal but sometimes I can't help but feel as though I'm doing all the work...even though I know it's not really the case.
Well, I've really rambled on here but this has always been an issue I've struggled with and it was a bit of relief to find that others actually have the same feelings at times.
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
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Mandy Miller
- Member
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:20 pm
- Location: Work, London, SE1, England & Home, Harlow, Essex, England
I'm not alone then in feeling like this.
Hi Staci.
Thanks so much for your reply. I feel human again now. I feel like a right old dragon & you are quite right, these feelings some a whole lot worse when we are actually going through treatment & I felt that I was doing all the hard work too, and as you say, my hubby was drinking wine like a fish too while I couldn't, although I must admit to having just half a glass with lemonade a night because my clinic said they thought that bit wouldn't hurt, but sometimes I wanted a bit more & couldn't. He didn't even cut down when he had to do his bit! which I thought was a bit selfish, as I wanted the sperm quality to be the best possible! I don't suppose it made much difference really though.
I just find all these feelings so hard to cope with. I know there are counsellors available, but only if you have loads of money to waste, which I think it is, as all they do is listen to you rant, I have close friends who will quite happily do that & of course my new friends on here, all you girls. It does make you feel a lot better to know you are not the only one & you are not being really nasty. That's how it feels sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, as I said, I really do love him, I can't imagine my life without him. We have been together 14 years now in March this year, but I do get mixed up sometimes & when I think of the rest of my life without a child I feel I can't cope & think why me?
I just hope it will be all our turns next treatment. If anyone deserves it we all do!
Keep in touch & keep me posted on your next session.
Take care.
Love & support, Mandy.xxxx
Thanks so much for your reply. I feel human again now. I feel like a right old dragon & you are quite right, these feelings some a whole lot worse when we are actually going through treatment & I felt that I was doing all the hard work too, and as you say, my hubby was drinking wine like a fish too while I couldn't, although I must admit to having just half a glass with lemonade a night because my clinic said they thought that bit wouldn't hurt, but sometimes I wanted a bit more & couldn't. He didn't even cut down when he had to do his bit! which I thought was a bit selfish, as I wanted the sperm quality to be the best possible! I don't suppose it made much difference really though.
I just find all these feelings so hard to cope with. I know there are counsellors available, but only if you have loads of money to waste, which I think it is, as all they do is listen to you rant, I have close friends who will quite happily do that & of course my new friends on here, all you girls. It does make you feel a lot better to know you are not the only one & you are not being really nasty. That's how it feels sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, as I said, I really do love him, I can't imagine my life without him. We have been together 14 years now in March this year, but I do get mixed up sometimes & when I think of the rest of my life without a child I feel I can't cope & think why me?
I just hope it will be all our turns next treatment. If anyone deserves it we all do!
Keep in touch & keep me posted on your next session.
Take care.
Love & support, Mandy.xxxx
Mandy
Wendy:
You are absolutely 100% correct that having a daughter does skew my feelings on how many times I would do IVF. There is no doubt about it. It was a lot less pressure going into the cycle than a lot of you experience every time you go under the needle. We are absolutely blessed that our cycle worked. I even feel guilty that our first cycle worked, because there are so many people on this board that have been working so hard and so long to get a BFP....it makes me feel like we're being selfish doing IVF when we already have a 4 yr old.
Mandy & Stacy: Thanks so much for your replies/support. I absolutely had a lot of pent up resent and it's nice to know I wasn't alone in my dark thinking. Also...I hope you guys know I was joking when I said I'd sleep with his brother the underwear model!
Paige
You are absolutely 100% correct that having a daughter does skew my feelings on how many times I would do IVF. There is no doubt about it. It was a lot less pressure going into the cycle than a lot of you experience every time you go under the needle. We are absolutely blessed that our cycle worked. I even feel guilty that our first cycle worked, because there are so many people on this board that have been working so hard and so long to get a BFP....it makes me feel like we're being selfish doing IVF when we already have a 4 yr old.
Mandy & Stacy: Thanks so much for your replies/support. I absolutely had a lot of pent up resent and it's nice to know I wasn't alone in my dark thinking. Also...I hope you guys know I was joking when I said I'd sleep with his brother the underwear model!
Paige
Mandy:
I think that it's really hard to express such emotional topics in words, where you can't see the other persons face or hear their inflections. I don't think Mia meant to make you feel "told off" she was just trying to show us the other side of the situation.
I mean I read my post back to Mia after the first round of talks and I was like "oh my gosh I sound like a TOTAL b**ch", so I posted again to apologize. But I didn't mean it to sound so flippant at all......writing about touchy subjects is hard. It's hard to convey the correct emotion when just limited to words.
Paige
I think that it's really hard to express such emotional topics in words, where you can't see the other persons face or hear their inflections. I don't think Mia meant to make you feel "told off" she was just trying to show us the other side of the situation.
I mean I read my post back to Mia after the first round of talks and I was like "oh my gosh I sound like a TOTAL b**ch", so I posted again to apologize. But I didn't mean it to sound so flippant at all......writing about touchy subjects is hard. It's hard to convey the correct emotion when just limited to words.
Paige
Hiya
Looking at my posts last night, I feel I was a bit judgemental to those who are trying to deal with mf stuff. I didn't mean any disrespect, I think those of us with female issues get a bit insecure when reading what you all had to say. At the end of the day at least we can all support each other through the highs and lows regardless of how we all got here!
Jaye, I felt the opposite to you I never thought I would be one of the people who IVF would work for at the start, or one of those who gets pregnant while waiting on the next set of treatment. I've had problems with my periods since I was 14 so always expected to have problems, thats why getting pregnant this time has made such a difference to my outlook, as hard as it was to miscarry, it made our dreams real. Lets hope that we are both lucky next time with not only big fat positives, but big fat bellies and a big bundle of joy after 9 months! At least we know the IVF can work and thats a huge thing.
Mandy, I think why me is a really natural thing to think, but when it comes to the treatment working we all have pretty much the same odds, its great to see it working for the girls on here as they are real rather than the urban legend friend of a friend type stories you hear. Maybe once you have both rested yourselves a bit you will feel better, your holiday to Turkey will be an ideal time to chill out and talk about how you feel.
Paige, I don't think you are selfish to do IVF for another child, I'm an only child and would love to have lots of children. It may relieve the pressure a bit already having one but you still have to fulfill your childs needs even when you are feeling crap during the treatment, so that must be hard as well.
Speak to you all later.
Wendy
Looking at my posts last night, I feel I was a bit judgemental to those who are trying to deal with mf stuff. I didn't mean any disrespect, I think those of us with female issues get a bit insecure when reading what you all had to say. At the end of the day at least we can all support each other through the highs and lows regardless of how we all got here!
Jaye, I felt the opposite to you I never thought I would be one of the people who IVF would work for at the start, or one of those who gets pregnant while waiting on the next set of treatment. I've had problems with my periods since I was 14 so always expected to have problems, thats why getting pregnant this time has made such a difference to my outlook, as hard as it was to miscarry, it made our dreams real. Lets hope that we are both lucky next time with not only big fat positives, but big fat bellies and a big bundle of joy after 9 months! At least we know the IVF can work and thats a huge thing.
Mandy, I think why me is a really natural thing to think, but when it comes to the treatment working we all have pretty much the same odds, its great to see it working for the girls on here as they are real rather than the urban legend friend of a friend type stories you hear. Maybe once you have both rested yourselves a bit you will feel better, your holiday to Turkey will be an ideal time to chill out and talk about how you feel.
Paige, I don't think you are selfish to do IVF for another child, I'm an only child and would love to have lots of children. It may relieve the pressure a bit already having one but you still have to fulfill your childs needs even when you are feeling crap during the treatment, so that must be hard as well.
Speak to you all later.
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]