Staci:
You are welcome at any time to move to the midwest for a good old fashioned tornado warning rather than all of those hurricanes! Unbelievable bad luck for FL this yr.
I am adopted, and would love to have any dialogue that you may be interested in having.
Paige
Keep in touch August buddies!
Can I first say a big thankyou to Jeannie for starting this thread - I really feel like it was something that was missing. After last time, this board really helped me get through, but then once it was over, I didn't really feel like following the others when I wasn't going through it, but still (of course), had all these issues and feelings to deal with. So I really agree with the others who've said it's been the most interesting - and yes you are all becoming more than 'fertility problems' to me, and it's nice to know that so many of us have more in common than just this - because of course this problem is such a small part of who were all are.
Mia, firstly thankyou for sharing your story. You are certainly no less 'deserving' than any of us, and probably more what with what you've been through - I add my disgust at what that doctor did, it's ridiculous to do that to a 20 year old and you couldn't have known then what it would mean now. Of course, that's true of all of us who has done things they now regret - but who in the world would that not include!
Staci, I think I agree that you're never really 'cured' of eating disorders. I'm as well as I've ever been - have been for years now - and have a wonderful husband who wouldn't care if I was the size of a house... but I don't think I will ever have a realistic body image and I still get disproportionately upset if I put on a few pounds, even while knowing I have nothing to complain about (I guess I'm on the thinner side of average, but only a bit). I also think I could, potentially, revert back if something really bad happened to me - if I lost Simon for example. For a long time I wondered if my problems getting pg weren't partly a fear of ending up with a teenage daughter like me - I was a bit of a tear away (to put it mildly...) and my mother and I have never really put things right after everything I put her through - Oh anyway I'm just rambling. If you really thought about all the things that could go wrong if you did have children, noone would ever start, would they????
Paige, I would be really interested in knowing more about your adoption - if you want to talk. Probably because, like Staci, I guess we're thinking about it as our other option. I think my main worries are whether an adopted child would be as 'good' a grandchild as a 'real' grandchild to our parents - probably an enormously stupid question, but it worries me nonetheless - and about the biological parent thing. I've only known a few people who've been adopted, and they've all seemed fine with it - none of them seem to have a great interest in finding their biological parents, although of course they acknowledge that's where they came from. But of course there's lots of others that feel differently. I don't know what I worry about, really, probably just that we'd be 'rejected' as parents or something - of course, your biological children can reject you too, but somehow that seems different... I would be really interested in your opinions/experiences.
Take care all,
Jaye
Mia, firstly thankyou for sharing your story. You are certainly no less 'deserving' than any of us, and probably more what with what you've been through - I add my disgust at what that doctor did, it's ridiculous to do that to a 20 year old and you couldn't have known then what it would mean now. Of course, that's true of all of us who has done things they now regret - but who in the world would that not include!
Staci, I think I agree that you're never really 'cured' of eating disorders. I'm as well as I've ever been - have been for years now - and have a wonderful husband who wouldn't care if I was the size of a house... but I don't think I will ever have a realistic body image and I still get disproportionately upset if I put on a few pounds, even while knowing I have nothing to complain about (I guess I'm on the thinner side of average, but only a bit). I also think I could, potentially, revert back if something really bad happened to me - if I lost Simon for example. For a long time I wondered if my problems getting pg weren't partly a fear of ending up with a teenage daughter like me - I was a bit of a tear away (to put it mildly...) and my mother and I have never really put things right after everything I put her through - Oh anyway I'm just rambling. If you really thought about all the things that could go wrong if you did have children, noone would ever start, would they????
Paige, I would be really interested in knowing more about your adoption - if you want to talk. Probably because, like Staci, I guess we're thinking about it as our other option. I think my main worries are whether an adopted child would be as 'good' a grandchild as a 'real' grandchild to our parents - probably an enormously stupid question, but it worries me nonetheless - and about the biological parent thing. I've only known a few people who've been adopted, and they've all seemed fine with it - none of them seem to have a great interest in finding their biological parents, although of course they acknowledge that's where they came from. But of course there's lots of others that feel differently. I don't know what I worry about, really, probably just that we'd be 'rejected' as parents or something - of course, your biological children can reject you too, but somehow that seems different... I would be really interested in your opinions/experiences.
Take care all,
Jaye
me 34, dh 36
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
Hi Everyone
Hope you are all doing ok.
Paige - I hadn't read before that you are adopted, its great you are willing to share your experiences with anyone looking at adoption. Its definately something we are both interested in, it seems a waste to think you would be good parents to walk away from that due to infertility. I would hope that we could offer a child a family and a home. In fact we have spoken about adoption quite a lot and thought it would be nice to adopt siblings. I am an only child and my husband had a brother but he died a few years ago so we would love to have a large family regardless.
Jaye - I agree with you that this thread is good because you get to see another side to each other, not just our reactions to the treatment. Its good to still have support while waiting or deciding what to do next and its great to still have contact with those who are pregnant.
Time seems to be going so fast, I have my next hospital appointment on Tuesday to discuss our next FET, in the meantime I have a large essay to hand in by Wednesday for open university and work. Don't know about anyone else but I am finding work a chore at the moment.
Jaye - how are you feeling about things at the moment, I find I am having days where I feel really frustrated at how things turned out this time, my best friend is coming up from London in a few weeks to pick out Bridesmaid dresses and I keep thinking that I should be 8 months pregnant and huge in my bridesmaid dress, but ofcourse thats not how it will be anymore. Then I have other days where I think I might still be a pregnant bridesmaid and I feel eager to get back to the treatment.
Dolly are you still about on the boards? Are you doing ok?
Anyway back to my essay.
Speak to you all later
Wendy
Hope you are all doing ok.
Paige - I hadn't read before that you are adopted, its great you are willing to share your experiences with anyone looking at adoption. Its definately something we are both interested in, it seems a waste to think you would be good parents to walk away from that due to infertility. I would hope that we could offer a child a family and a home. In fact we have spoken about adoption quite a lot and thought it would be nice to adopt siblings. I am an only child and my husband had a brother but he died a few years ago so we would love to have a large family regardless.
Jaye - I agree with you that this thread is good because you get to see another side to each other, not just our reactions to the treatment. Its good to still have support while waiting or deciding what to do next and its great to still have contact with those who are pregnant.
Time seems to be going so fast, I have my next hospital appointment on Tuesday to discuss our next FET, in the meantime I have a large essay to hand in by Wednesday for open university and work. Don't know about anyone else but I am finding work a chore at the moment.
Jaye - how are you feeling about things at the moment, I find I am having days where I feel really frustrated at how things turned out this time, my best friend is coming up from London in a few weeks to pick out Bridesmaid dresses and I keep thinking that I should be 8 months pregnant and huge in my bridesmaid dress, but ofcourse thats not how it will be anymore. Then I have other days where I think I might still be a pregnant bridesmaid and I feel eager to get back to the treatment.
Dolly are you still about on the boards? Are you doing ok?
Anyway back to my essay.
Speak to you all later
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
Hello All!
We are also considering adoption, or maybe I should say I am considering adoption. I have not been able to convince my husband as of yet. It seems alot of us are thinking about other options. I would really like to hear Paige share anything she feels like sharing. Of course, I have a dual motive for wanting to here her story since I have been on the other side of the adoption process.
It almost seems some of the things I have been sharing happened to another person, but since so many seem intersted in adoption here is what I know from a birthmother perspective.
I have been thinking alot about Abigail's adoptive parents since my husband and I began this journey. My thoughts have mostly went to thinking about Sally(the adoptive mother) and what were the circumstances that brought her to adoption. I have also had thought alot about Abigail, their daughter. Abigail will be turning 18 in April, 2005. I have mixed feelings about whether I would want Abigail to "look for me", but I have no desire to find her. I hope that does not sound cold-hearted, but she does not feel like my daughter. I don't know, but I hope she feels the same.
Being a mother is so much more than giving birth, and it was her adoptive parents that were there for her since she was just a couple of days old.
Abigail was adopted in an open adoption. I was sent out-of-state to a home for unwed mothers when my mother discovered I was pregnant. Te home was part of a large adoption agency. All the girls in the home with me were teenagers ranging from the age of 12-17. I fell right in the middle being 15 at the time. The adoptive parents wrote letters to the birth mothers, and the agency would try to match a good fit between the adoptive parents and birthmothers. The birthmothers were given the letters and chose the parents from the the letters. I have read similiar letter online when researching adoption. The letters were the tool the birthmothers were given in choosing the parents for their baby. I began reviewing letters in my third trimester, and a decision was made before I gave birth to the baby. I was able to see the baby girl in the hospital, but the she went home with a foster family. Six days after I gave birth I met with the adoptive parents. Bob and Sally gave Abigail her name. I received a yearly update of Abigail with pictures until Abigail was around seven years. The updates quit because I did not update my address. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about updating my address now. In reality I hope that Abigail is happy and content in life and has no need to seek out her birthmother. Abigail's parents waited over three years to adopt, and was responsible for all my medical expenses and the legal expenses surrounding the adoption.
Well that's my story about that. I hope some of it was relevent because now I am just wondering why the hell I even brought up those old old memories. Boy I am getting old!!!
Mia
We are also considering adoption, or maybe I should say I am considering adoption. I have not been able to convince my husband as of yet. It seems alot of us are thinking about other options. I would really like to hear Paige share anything she feels like sharing. Of course, I have a dual motive for wanting to here her story since I have been on the other side of the adoption process.
It almost seems some of the things I have been sharing happened to another person, but since so many seem intersted in adoption here is what I know from a birthmother perspective.
I have been thinking alot about Abigail's adoptive parents since my husband and I began this journey. My thoughts have mostly went to thinking about Sally(the adoptive mother) and what were the circumstances that brought her to adoption. I have also had thought alot about Abigail, their daughter. Abigail will be turning 18 in April, 2005. I have mixed feelings about whether I would want Abigail to "look for me", but I have no desire to find her. I hope that does not sound cold-hearted, but she does not feel like my daughter. I don't know, but I hope she feels the same.
Being a mother is so much more than giving birth, and it was her adoptive parents that were there for her since she was just a couple of days old.
Abigail was adopted in an open adoption. I was sent out-of-state to a home for unwed mothers when my mother discovered I was pregnant. Te home was part of a large adoption agency. All the girls in the home with me were teenagers ranging from the age of 12-17. I fell right in the middle being 15 at the time. The adoptive parents wrote letters to the birth mothers, and the agency would try to match a good fit between the adoptive parents and birthmothers. The birthmothers were given the letters and chose the parents from the the letters. I have read similiar letter online when researching adoption. The letters were the tool the birthmothers were given in choosing the parents for their baby. I began reviewing letters in my third trimester, and a decision was made before I gave birth to the baby. I was able to see the baby girl in the hospital, but the she went home with a foster family. Six days after I gave birth I met with the adoptive parents. Bob and Sally gave Abigail her name. I received a yearly update of Abigail with pictures until Abigail was around seven years. The updates quit because I did not update my address. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about updating my address now. In reality I hope that Abigail is happy and content in life and has no need to seek out her birthmother. Abigail's parents waited over three years to adopt, and was responsible for all my medical expenses and the legal expenses surrounding the adoption.
Well that's my story about that. I hope some of it was relevent because now I am just wondering why the hell I even brought up those old old memories. Boy I am getting old!!!
Mia
Mia,
Your story is amazing and I'm sure it will be helpful to many. I wanted very much to adopt rather than going through IVF, partly because of the likelihood of having an alcoholic child. Not everyone recovers - some of us die drunk.
But DH, bless him, wasn't as keen on adoption as I was. Talking to many women friends, it appears that this is common, but their husbands came around in time. I was especially interested in possibly adopting an older child, since they are harder to place. Also, I wasn't sure I had the energy at my age to care for an infant.
I guess we never do know how things are going to turn out. It was fascinating to hear about adoption from the birth mother's perspective. Thank you, Mia. I know you will have your family soon, one way or the other.
Alicia
Your story is amazing and I'm sure it will be helpful to many. I wanted very much to adopt rather than going through IVF, partly because of the likelihood of having an alcoholic child. Not everyone recovers - some of us die drunk.
But DH, bless him, wasn't as keen on adoption as I was. Talking to many women friends, it appears that this is common, but their husbands came around in time. I was especially interested in possibly adopting an older child, since they are harder to place. Also, I wasn't sure I had the energy at my age to care for an infant.
I guess we never do know how things are going to turn out. It was fascinating to hear about adoption from the birth mother's perspective. Thank you, Mia. I know you will have your family soon, one way or the other.
Alicia
-
Mandy Miller
- Member
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:20 pm
- Location: Work, London, SE1, England & Home, Harlow, Essex, England
Troubled Lives!
Hi Girls.
Thank you to all of you for sharing something that must be so very private to you. It's nice that we feel that we are close enough to share these really personal details with everyone. As someone said (can't remember who, sorry!), it makes you realise what everyone has been through & sympathise. We should all stick together shouldn't we. No one on this site has had an easy time of it have we, although there may be very different circumstances, we have all been through so much. To those of you who have talked about Anorexia/Bullemia, I do understand at bit. Although I myself have never suffered from either, I have always had a weight problem & more importantly, a problem with food! Even as a teenager at secondary school, aged about 16, I took a size 16 which was too much for my age. I have always been on the big side & never have been good at exercise. I used to be let off games at school in my latter years, & allowed to do English lessons instead, as I have no coordination either. I always try to watch my weight, as I know how easy it is to slip up. I went to Weightwatchers years ago, got down to 9 1/2 stone, but put all I had lost & more back on eventually. I did do Slimming world about 8 years ago, from 13 1/2 stone I lost 3 1/2 stone, but still put some back on, although not all. I went back up to about 11 stone, or just under, but through the usual stress of preparations etc for my wedding, without really trying this time got down to 9 stone 10 pounds. Needless to say, I went on Honeymoon & put a bit on & it kept creeping on slowly after that. As you get older you can eat a lot less than you used to & still put on weight. I only have to look at something to put weight on. I am currently 10 stone 12 ish!, but hover between 10 stone 10 & 11 stone, when I really pig out sometimes when I go out a lot for a meal or something. I would never go above 11 again though, as I remember how unhappy I was with my body at 13 1/2 stone. I hated myself. I am 5 foot 2 1/2 & I know I will never be the 8 1/2 stone or so the books reckon I should be, but would be happy if I could be around 10 stone again. I have just started at a gym & this week will be my third week & although I have done this before, this time I am going to try & stick with it, as I don't find exercise easy & have never enjoyed it before, but am actually getting a kick out of it so far. I have actually noticed my thighs have got just a little thinner even in those three weeks & only going once a week. It is so hard isn't it. I think people that can eat what they want are really lucky, but I know it is as hard for some people to put weight on healthily as it is for us to lose it. Like an alcoholic, my obsession with food will never really go away either, I just have to control it the best I can & remember how good I feel when I do & how much nicer I look.
To Staci. Keep safe in the next hurricane won't you. It is not fair is it, you have had so many now. It must be very worrying for you. Even Scotland had the remnants of Hurricane Karl aparently yesterday, but nothing like your ones. Hope you are OK. Let us know how you get on.
I've waffled now haven't I, so had better sign off.
It was nice to learn so much more about my new friends!
Love & good luck to all.
Mandy (Miller)xxxxx
Thank you to all of you for sharing something that must be so very private to you. It's nice that we feel that we are close enough to share these really personal details with everyone. As someone said (can't remember who, sorry!), it makes you realise what everyone has been through & sympathise. We should all stick together shouldn't we. No one on this site has had an easy time of it have we, although there may be very different circumstances, we have all been through so much. To those of you who have talked about Anorexia/Bullemia, I do understand at bit. Although I myself have never suffered from either, I have always had a weight problem & more importantly, a problem with food! Even as a teenager at secondary school, aged about 16, I took a size 16 which was too much for my age. I have always been on the big side & never have been good at exercise. I used to be let off games at school in my latter years, & allowed to do English lessons instead, as I have no coordination either. I always try to watch my weight, as I know how easy it is to slip up. I went to Weightwatchers years ago, got down to 9 1/2 stone, but put all I had lost & more back on eventually. I did do Slimming world about 8 years ago, from 13 1/2 stone I lost 3 1/2 stone, but still put some back on, although not all. I went back up to about 11 stone, or just under, but through the usual stress of preparations etc for my wedding, without really trying this time got down to 9 stone 10 pounds. Needless to say, I went on Honeymoon & put a bit on & it kept creeping on slowly after that. As you get older you can eat a lot less than you used to & still put on weight. I only have to look at something to put weight on. I am currently 10 stone 12 ish!, but hover between 10 stone 10 & 11 stone, when I really pig out sometimes when I go out a lot for a meal or something. I would never go above 11 again though, as I remember how unhappy I was with my body at 13 1/2 stone. I hated myself. I am 5 foot 2 1/2 & I know I will never be the 8 1/2 stone or so the books reckon I should be, but would be happy if I could be around 10 stone again. I have just started at a gym & this week will be my third week & although I have done this before, this time I am going to try & stick with it, as I don't find exercise easy & have never enjoyed it before, but am actually getting a kick out of it so far. I have actually noticed my thighs have got just a little thinner even in those three weeks & only going once a week. It is so hard isn't it. I think people that can eat what they want are really lucky, but I know it is as hard for some people to put weight on healthily as it is for us to lose it. Like an alcoholic, my obsession with food will never really go away either, I just have to control it the best I can & remember how good I feel when I do & how much nicer I look.
To Staci. Keep safe in the next hurricane won't you. It is not fair is it, you have had so many now. It must be very worrying for you. Even Scotland had the remnants of Hurricane Karl aparently yesterday, but nothing like your ones. Hope you are OK. Let us know how you get on.
I've waffled now haven't I, so had better sign off.
It was nice to learn so much more about my new friends!
Love & good luck to all.
Mandy (Miller)xxxxx
Mandy
Mia,
It was very interesting to hear about adoption from a birthmother's perspective. I think I've been dwelling too much on all of the things that could go wrong instead of looking at the cases where things did actually work out as I would want them to. Was it required that the adoptive parents write to you with updates or was that their own decision?
I think I would find that very difficult to do. It seems like it would just make things painful for the birthmother as well? I mean I would think that you probably wanted to put it in the past and move on and not have a reminder sent to you every year? Is that how you felt or was it a comfort to you to see that she was happy and being well taken care of?
Alicia,
My thought process is kind of similar to what yours was regarding the adoption. I've been thinking that, if we did adopt, it would probably be an older child (well, by older meaning between the ages of 2 and 6)....perhaps one whose natural parents have died. Of course, that brings up a whole set of new concerns like would the child and I be less connected to one another, etc. Of course, I guess I shouldn't be too picky regarding what age we would adopt as I've heard adoption can take forever as it is. At any rate, I probably should start doing more research but just can't fully focus on it until after we find out what happens with my next try in Jan.
Mandy,
We were fortunate enough not to have the hurricane hit us as hard as we feared. We got some high winds of 70-80 mph but no damage to our house or yard this time....and our power even stayed on .
Of course, other areas in FL didn't fare as well so I feel really bad for those people, many of whom hadn't even had time to recover from the other hurricanes.
That's great that you have joined the gym. I know you said that you've done it before and not stuck with it but, if you give it 3 months of going on a consistent basis, it will make it much easier to continue. Eventually, it just becomes a habit and you won't even think about not going. Are you training with weights and doing cardio? I don't have any coordination either and never was very good in sports. When it comes to exercise, I like to do things where I can just listen to my music and zone out completely like running, racewalking, the elliptical trainder, etc. I know many people find that sort of thing boring and would rather be involved in an activity that challenges them mentally as well as physically. I guess it is just a matter of finding the activity which is right for you....being the one you are the most likely to continue with. I do weight lift as well although that takes a little discipline as I don't enjoy it quite as much.
I know what you mean about your metabolism slowing down when you get older. I'm very envious of the models I read about who talk about being able to eat anything they want and remain super slim because they have a naturally high metabolism. I really have to rely on exercise to keep my metabolism at a level where I don't have to starve myself to stay at a weight I'm comfortable with. Although I do eat mainly healthy foods, I like to eat so given a choice between exercise or eating less to stay at my weight, I'll gladly choose the exercise option! Of course, even though my weight stays between 110 - 114 lbs. at 5'7", I still have many days where I find myself trying on outfit after outfit in search of one that doesn't make me look "fat". There are those days when I'll decide I need to lose another 5 lbs. but then I just remind myself that I've been down that road before and I won't be happy with that either so what it the point?! And, of course, I know that dropping weight certainly won't help my chances in infertility treatment. I've really gotten much better with things than I used to be but it is an ongoing internal struggle and I guess that, although I'm not anorexic or bulimic anymore, I still do have an obsession with food too and body image issues that I still need to work on. I'll get there....eventually!
Well, this was a very long winded e-mail! Is everyone still awake?
I'd better say goodbye for now.
Staci
It was very interesting to hear about adoption from a birthmother's perspective. I think I've been dwelling too much on all of the things that could go wrong instead of looking at the cases where things did actually work out as I would want them to. Was it required that the adoptive parents write to you with updates or was that their own decision?
I think I would find that very difficult to do. It seems like it would just make things painful for the birthmother as well? I mean I would think that you probably wanted to put it in the past and move on and not have a reminder sent to you every year? Is that how you felt or was it a comfort to you to see that she was happy and being well taken care of?
Alicia,
My thought process is kind of similar to what yours was regarding the adoption. I've been thinking that, if we did adopt, it would probably be an older child (well, by older meaning between the ages of 2 and 6)....perhaps one whose natural parents have died. Of course, that brings up a whole set of new concerns like would the child and I be less connected to one another, etc. Of course, I guess I shouldn't be too picky regarding what age we would adopt as I've heard adoption can take forever as it is. At any rate, I probably should start doing more research but just can't fully focus on it until after we find out what happens with my next try in Jan.
Mandy,
We were fortunate enough not to have the hurricane hit us as hard as we feared. We got some high winds of 70-80 mph but no damage to our house or yard this time....and our power even stayed on
.Of course, other areas in FL didn't fare as well so I feel really bad for those people, many of whom hadn't even had time to recover from the other hurricanes.
That's great that you have joined the gym. I know you said that you've done it before and not stuck with it but, if you give it 3 months of going on a consistent basis, it will make it much easier to continue. Eventually, it just becomes a habit and you won't even think about not going. Are you training with weights and doing cardio? I don't have any coordination either and never was very good in sports. When it comes to exercise, I like to do things where I can just listen to my music and zone out completely like running, racewalking, the elliptical trainder, etc. I know many people find that sort of thing boring and would rather be involved in an activity that challenges them mentally as well as physically. I guess it is just a matter of finding the activity which is right for you....being the one you are the most likely to continue with. I do weight lift as well although that takes a little discipline as I don't enjoy it quite as much.
I know what you mean about your metabolism slowing down when you get older. I'm very envious of the models I read about who talk about being able to eat anything they want and remain super slim because they have a naturally high metabolism. I really have to rely on exercise to keep my metabolism at a level where I don't have to starve myself to stay at a weight I'm comfortable with. Although I do eat mainly healthy foods, I like to eat so given a choice between exercise or eating less to stay at my weight, I'll gladly choose the exercise option! Of course, even though my weight stays between 110 - 114 lbs. at 5'7", I still have many days where I find myself trying on outfit after outfit in search of one that doesn't make me look "fat". There are those days when I'll decide I need to lose another 5 lbs. but then I just remind myself that I've been down that road before and I won't be happy with that either so what it the point?! And, of course, I know that dropping weight certainly won't help my chances in infertility treatment. I've really gotten much better with things than I used to be but it is an ongoing internal struggle and I guess that, although I'm not anorexic or bulimic anymore, I still do have an obsession with food too and body image issues that I still need to work on. I'll get there....eventually!
Well, this was a very long winded e-mail! Is everyone still awake?
I'd better say goodbye for now.
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
-
Mandy Miller
- Member
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:20 pm
- Location: Work, London, SE1, England & Home, Harlow, Essex, England
Reply to Staci.
Hi again Staci & friends!
Glad you survived this lot of hurricanes OK. Bet you are fed up with expecting them all the time. When is your summer over there, do you have that to look forward to now at all?
I am not very up on what I do at the gym. All I know so far is that I've been on an exercise bike, I know that as I used to have one when I lived at mum mum's house & we had the room for one, but we don't have room to keep one out all the time now. I've also been on an Air Walker, Cross Trainer, Treadmill, a thing that I haven't got a clue what it's called but you sit on a sit, & have a stick thing with heavy weights on the end that you have to life with your feet (it works your tummy apparently & I might add kills you!). The first week I was so stiff afterwards for about 4-5 days! I didn't do that last week though, I laid down on the end of a step thing instead & did what I think were called stomach crunches, also for my tummy as I have a flabby one & wan't a flat one!!! Whether or not that will ever happen completely I don't know, but I am trying hard. I do feel better already I must admit. I am actually starting to quite look forward to it now. It might sound funny, but my knickers feel a bit looser!!! It might not be much, but I think my hips/thighs must have shrunk just very slightly! It's a start! Have bought a nice black slinky sexy dress for my holiday & a silk camisole/french knickers & also silky nightie & dressing gown so providing AF doesn't visit a week late next week, you never know
. Will have fun trying anyway. If it is late again, as usual, will be livid!!! Just my luck!
Will keep you all posted on how the exercise regime is going! Hope to lose quite a bit by Christmas to make room for the Christmas Pig Out! then drastic diet for going away on 7 Jan to New Zealand, I can't look like a beached whale for that!
Bye for now, Love, Mandy.xxx
Glad you survived this lot of hurricanes OK. Bet you are fed up with expecting them all the time. When is your summer over there, do you have that to look forward to now at all?
I am not very up on what I do at the gym. All I know so far is that I've been on an exercise bike, I know that as I used to have one when I lived at mum mum's house & we had the room for one, but we don't have room to keep one out all the time now. I've also been on an Air Walker, Cross Trainer, Treadmill, a thing that I haven't got a clue what it's called but you sit on a sit, & have a stick thing with heavy weights on the end that you have to life with your feet (it works your tummy apparently & I might add kills you!). The first week I was so stiff afterwards for about 4-5 days! I didn't do that last week though, I laid down on the end of a step thing instead & did what I think were called stomach crunches, also for my tummy as I have a flabby one & wan't a flat one!!! Whether or not that will ever happen completely I don't know, but I am trying hard. I do feel better already I must admit. I am actually starting to quite look forward to it now. It might sound funny, but my knickers feel a bit looser!!! It might not be much, but I think my hips/thighs must have shrunk just very slightly! It's a start! Have bought a nice black slinky sexy dress for my holiday & a silk camisole/french knickers & also silky nightie & dressing gown so providing AF doesn't visit a week late next week, you never know
. Will have fun trying anyway. If it is late again, as usual, will be livid!!! Just my luck!Will keep you all posted on how the exercise regime is going! Hope to lose quite a bit by Christmas to make room for the Christmas Pig Out! then drastic diet for going away on 7 Jan to New Zealand, I can't look like a beached whale for that!
Bye for now, Love, Mandy.xxx
Mandy
HI Ladies:
Hope everyone is doing great!
As far as my adoption is concerned, here is my story. I was adopted from a private baby fold when I was 8 days old. At this particular facility, they give you a little bit of information....such as the birth mother was 17 yrs old, birth father 18 yrs old. She wanted to go to college and wasn't ready for a baby. She had brown hair & blue eyes...he had blond hair & blue eyes. Just to let you know....this information cannot be right because I have very brown eyes (it's a genetic impossiblity)! Maybe she didn't know who got her pregnant?
Anyway, when the adoptee turns 18 yrs old they have access to the adoption files if the birth parents have opened them. If not, no one has access to the information (without a private eye or something). Also, if the birth child does not open the file, the birth parents do not have access to any information/records. I have not inquired about these records at all.
My parents told me I was adopted when I was 5 yrs old, they told me as soon as they thought I was able to understand the whole concept, because they wanted for me to grow up knowing this information. This very same day I asked if I could have a pony...which they said no to, and I distinctly remember being more upset over not letting me have a pony!
It was kind of a big secret for me, I didn't want other kids to know because I thought I was different. Then in 2nd grade I found out there were 2 more kids in my class who were adopted and it all of the sudden was absolutely no big deal...when I found out I wasn't the only one. I would imagine there are even more adopted children in the school system now, then back when I was in elementary school.
My parents did let me know, that if I wanted to try to track down my birth parents when I was 18, that they wouldn't try to discourage me and would help if they could. My Mom also let me know...when I was older, that she would be threatened by this situation because she thinks of me as only her daughter and would never want to compete with anyone else. I really took this information to heart and would never try to pursue finding out about my birth parents because I would never do anything that would put my Mom into a threatened or worrisome position. I seriously had a textbook, Mayberry-like childhood. My true parents are the people who raised me. They gave me opportunities that I possibly wouldn't have had with a 17 yr old girl as my Mother. I excelled in sports, academics and my social life. I was vice president of student council, captain of the volleyball team, national honor society, basketball team, and homecoming queen. I have a bachelors degree and an MBA. I truly do wonder, what I would have been had my birth mother chosen keep me? I thank her for not being able to give me up. I do think that when parents adopt.....they are so appreciative for this gift of a child, that they really take the job of parenting to the extremes! This can probably also be said for those of us having to go through the IVF process, being appreciative in the same manner.
Anyway, I'll get off of my soapbox about adoption now! I think that if the major concern is that birth parent will try to be involved or come after the child later in life, then consider Russia or the Ukraine....these children might not have the opportunities that we could give them in our countries and I think the likelihood of birth parent involvement at any time would be minimized. There are a lot of adoption programs going on in these countries.
Best of Luck to everyone.
Paige
Hope everyone is doing great!
As far as my adoption is concerned, here is my story. I was adopted from a private baby fold when I was 8 days old. At this particular facility, they give you a little bit of information....such as the birth mother was 17 yrs old, birth father 18 yrs old. She wanted to go to college and wasn't ready for a baby. She had brown hair & blue eyes...he had blond hair & blue eyes. Just to let you know....this information cannot be right because I have very brown eyes (it's a genetic impossiblity)! Maybe she didn't know who got her pregnant?
Anyway, when the adoptee turns 18 yrs old they have access to the adoption files if the birth parents have opened them. If not, no one has access to the information (without a private eye or something). Also, if the birth child does not open the file, the birth parents do not have access to any information/records. I have not inquired about these records at all.
My parents told me I was adopted when I was 5 yrs old, they told me as soon as they thought I was able to understand the whole concept, because they wanted for me to grow up knowing this information. This very same day I asked if I could have a pony...which they said no to, and I distinctly remember being more upset over not letting me have a pony!
It was kind of a big secret for me, I didn't want other kids to know because I thought I was different. Then in 2nd grade I found out there were 2 more kids in my class who were adopted and it all of the sudden was absolutely no big deal...when I found out I wasn't the only one. I would imagine there are even more adopted children in the school system now, then back when I was in elementary school.
My parents did let me know, that if I wanted to try to track down my birth parents when I was 18, that they wouldn't try to discourage me and would help if they could. My Mom also let me know...when I was older, that she would be threatened by this situation because she thinks of me as only her daughter and would never want to compete with anyone else. I really took this information to heart and would never try to pursue finding out about my birth parents because I would never do anything that would put my Mom into a threatened or worrisome position. I seriously had a textbook, Mayberry-like childhood. My true parents are the people who raised me. They gave me opportunities that I possibly wouldn't have had with a 17 yr old girl as my Mother. I excelled in sports, academics and my social life. I was vice president of student council, captain of the volleyball team, national honor society, basketball team, and homecoming queen. I have a bachelors degree and an MBA. I truly do wonder, what I would have been had my birth mother chosen keep me? I thank her for not being able to give me up. I do think that when parents adopt.....they are so appreciative for this gift of a child, that they really take the job of parenting to the extremes! This can probably also be said for those of us having to go through the IVF process, being appreciative in the same manner.
Anyway, I'll get off of my soapbox about adoption now! I think that if the major concern is that birth parent will try to be involved or come after the child later in life, then consider Russia or the Ukraine....these children might not have the opportunities that we could give them in our countries and I think the likelihood of birth parent involvement at any time would be minimized. There are a lot of adoption programs going on in these countries.
Best of Luck to everyone.
Paige
Paige ,
Thank you!
I agree with you on a lot of issues. I think having a child in your life is such a hard won dream for most adoptive and IVF parents that they do their best to offer the child every oppurtunity. In addition, many adoptive parents are just in better situations to offer the best to the child in compared with many young, even teenage parents. I am glad that everything really worked out for you.
To answer Staci's question. Yes, through the agency where Abigail was adopted they agreed from the very begining to send yearly updated and pictures. They would send the information to the agency and then the agency would forward it to me. The adoptive parents were more very open with the information about Abigail. Instead of a picture they would send picture albums, report cards, drawings, and detailed handwritten letters about Abigail. After growing up a bit I did not want to be that much in touch with them and wanted to move on with my life. My mother, however, still receives pictures and letters from Abigail's parents.
I think it is good to know that the adoptive parents were good parents, but receiving an update every year made it hard for those wounds to heal. I think in adoption there should be some kind of happy medium.
You always here about the bad situations surrounding adoption, the birth mother changing her mind, or the adoptive parents being abusive. I really think these are the exceptions to the case. It is just not very newsworthy to report so and so was adopted. The adopted parents were estatic, the child grew up healthy, and the birthmother finished college and now has a happy family.
Mia
Thank you!
I agree with you on a lot of issues. I think having a child in your life is such a hard won dream for most adoptive and IVF parents that they do their best to offer the child every oppurtunity. In addition, many adoptive parents are just in better situations to offer the best to the child in compared with many young, even teenage parents. I am glad that everything really worked out for you.
To answer Staci's question. Yes, through the agency where Abigail was adopted they agreed from the very begining to send yearly updated and pictures. They would send the information to the agency and then the agency would forward it to me. The adoptive parents were more very open with the information about Abigail. Instead of a picture they would send picture albums, report cards, drawings, and detailed handwritten letters about Abigail. After growing up a bit I did not want to be that much in touch with them and wanted to move on with my life. My mother, however, still receives pictures and letters from Abigail's parents.
I think it is good to know that the adoptive parents were good parents, but receiving an update every year made it hard for those wounds to heal. I think in adoption there should be some kind of happy medium.
You always here about the bad situations surrounding adoption, the birth mother changing her mind, or the adoptive parents being abusive. I really think these are the exceptions to the case. It is just not very newsworthy to report so and so was adopted. The adopted parents were estatic, the child grew up healthy, and the birthmother finished college and now has a happy family.
Mia
Hi everyone,
Wow, you guys are all such amazing people, with such interesting and amazing lives. where to begin???
Firstly, thanks to Paige and Mia for sharing their respective stories. I am starting to think about adoption - DH seems open to it, but I think we are not 'there' yet - because I think it would only be fair to pursue adoption if we accepted we couldn't do it on our own - and stopped trying. I don't know why, probably if we did adopt we would just think it was the best thing and love our child/ren dearly and wonder what all the fuss is about. Perhaps I am getting closer to the decision - anyway, it is nice to have options, and maybe I will explore them more. I guess a complicating factor for us is that I think we would need to explore inter-country adoption because there aren't that many babies around in Oz - I don't have a problem with that at all, but I suppose I wonder about how a child might feel when they are so obviously adopted - they don't really have the choice about who to tell and who to keep the secret - and I think, if it were me, I might want to have some choice about who knew. That is really my only reservation. Other than that, I feel confident we could meet the challenges. But it is great to have such a ready-made source of perspective as you guys - thankyou again!
Wendy, you asked how things were for me. Your comment about the bridesmaid dress really hit home - for me it was the day-time instead of overnight flight we booked for Xmas as I'd be 5 months pg.... well, would have been. And DH's parents are arriving in a few weeks for a few days - we were planning on telling them then. So now we have nothing to tell.
I guess overall we are planning on trying again, hopefully in December. We have an appt booked for 28 october. Mostly I am OK, but sometimes I just want to scream and throw things for how unfair it all is. Saturday morning I got really upset at DH who told me some friends (with new baby, of course) would think we were being rude because we hadn't been round to visit them. I told him exactly how much I cared what they thought of us... you can all imagine how it went, anyway. Basically, I guess I feel like you - up and down, and mostly OK. But I don't know if I could get through what happened again, and it terrifies me to think I might have to.
Take care everyone,
Jaye
Wow, you guys are all such amazing people, with such interesting and amazing lives. where to begin???
Firstly, thanks to Paige and Mia for sharing their respective stories. I am starting to think about adoption - DH seems open to it, but I think we are not 'there' yet - because I think it would only be fair to pursue adoption if we accepted we couldn't do it on our own - and stopped trying. I don't know why, probably if we did adopt we would just think it was the best thing and love our child/ren dearly and wonder what all the fuss is about. Perhaps I am getting closer to the decision - anyway, it is nice to have options, and maybe I will explore them more. I guess a complicating factor for us is that I think we would need to explore inter-country adoption because there aren't that many babies around in Oz - I don't have a problem with that at all, but I suppose I wonder about how a child might feel when they are so obviously adopted - they don't really have the choice about who to tell and who to keep the secret - and I think, if it were me, I might want to have some choice about who knew. That is really my only reservation. Other than that, I feel confident we could meet the challenges. But it is great to have such a ready-made source of perspective as you guys - thankyou again!
Wendy, you asked how things were for me. Your comment about the bridesmaid dress really hit home - for me it was the day-time instead of overnight flight we booked for Xmas as I'd be 5 months pg.... well, would have been. And DH's parents are arriving in a few weeks for a few days - we were planning on telling them then. So now we have nothing to tell.
I guess overall we are planning on trying again, hopefully in December. We have an appt booked for 28 october. Mostly I am OK, but sometimes I just want to scream and throw things for how unfair it all is. Saturday morning I got really upset at DH who told me some friends (with new baby, of course) would think we were being rude because we hadn't been round to visit them. I told him exactly how much I cared what they thought of us... you can all imagine how it went, anyway. Basically, I guess I feel like you - up and down, and mostly OK. But I don't know if I could get through what happened again, and it terrifies me to think I might have to.
Take care everyone,
Jaye
me 34, dh 36
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
Hi everyone
Mia & Paige, thanks for your stories, it shows the good side of adoption rather than the terrible stories you hear in the press. Things are a bit different in the way adoption works in Scotland and there are pretty much no babies, not that I find that greatly important. As I said before I would be keen to adopt siblings maybe around ages 2-7, after 7 I think its not strictly an adoption but whats known as permanent foster care, not too sure of the differences. I even think if we had 1 ivf baby we might still like to adopt in the future. Like Jaye though I need to feel I have explored IVF fully first so that I could fully commit myself to adoption.
Jaye, I know how you feel, highs and lows really, I go from wandering about really happy telling myself I can get pregnant (which is something I probably never thought deep down would happen) to being really sad and annoyed. Its good to talk about it though & both our parents and quite a few of our good friends know what happened. I had an appointment at the hospital today so it looks like we will be December as well with a FET. The consultant assured me that until you miscarry 3 times there is no reason to assume it will happen again and that so far there is nothing in my medical history to suggest a reason. We only have 3 frosties so no guarantee how many will survive the thaw, about 60% but as long as there is at least 1 to go back I will be happy. So we may be cycle buddies again
Hope everyone else is doing ok.
Wendy
Mia & Paige, thanks for your stories, it shows the good side of adoption rather than the terrible stories you hear in the press. Things are a bit different in the way adoption works in Scotland and there are pretty much no babies, not that I find that greatly important. As I said before I would be keen to adopt siblings maybe around ages 2-7, after 7 I think its not strictly an adoption but whats known as permanent foster care, not too sure of the differences. I even think if we had 1 ivf baby we might still like to adopt in the future. Like Jaye though I need to feel I have explored IVF fully first so that I could fully commit myself to adoption.
Jaye, I know how you feel, highs and lows really, I go from wandering about really happy telling myself I can get pregnant (which is something I probably never thought deep down would happen) to being really sad and annoyed. Its good to talk about it though & both our parents and quite a few of our good friends know what happened. I had an appointment at the hospital today so it looks like we will be December as well with a FET. The consultant assured me that until you miscarry 3 times there is no reason to assume it will happen again and that so far there is nothing in my medical history to suggest a reason. We only have 3 frosties so no guarantee how many will survive the thaw, about 60% but as long as there is at least 1 to go back I will be happy. So we may be cycle buddies again
Hope everyone else is doing ok.
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
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Mandy Miller
- Member
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:20 pm
- Location: Work, London, SE1, England & Home, Harlow, Essex, England
IVF & Adoption
Hi Girls.
Thanks for all your personal tales of adoption success. It is good to hear you had a happy childhood/had your child adopted & they were happy with their adoptive parents. What inspiring stories.
Unfortunately, I don't think my DH is up for that. I wish he was, as if ICSI doesn't work for us the next time after April hopefully, (our 3rd attempt) it will be our last & adoption would be our only option then. I will try & talk to him about it again after that, but don't want to upset him for nothing till then, (I still have some hope left, although not much now) & don't like to confront these things unless we need to. I hadn't really thought about it either to start with, but after trying this long, I am coming round to the idea now, although I would want a younger child, preferably a baby if poss. Our friends are trying to adopt now, also after trying 3 times. They are trying for a romanian child I believe. I haven't spoken to them in a while, so don't know how far they have got yet. Maybe in another year or so DH will have had more time to consider it. I think it would only be fair, as he has two children my age, so he has his family, I don't.
As Jaye says, even after all these weeks, it still affects us. I believe she was pregnant to start with, like Wendy & I know I am different, but Jaye summed it up very well when she says she doesn't know if she can go through that again & it scares her to think she may have to.
It doesn't matter that all our circumstances differ slightly, we are all petrified of going through this torture again aren't we!
Love to all.
Mandy.
Thanks for all your personal tales of adoption success. It is good to hear you had a happy childhood/had your child adopted & they were happy with their adoptive parents. What inspiring stories.
Unfortunately, I don't think my DH is up for that. I wish he was, as if ICSI doesn't work for us the next time after April hopefully, (our 3rd attempt) it will be our last & adoption would be our only option then. I will try & talk to him about it again after that, but don't want to upset him for nothing till then, (I still have some hope left, although not much now) & don't like to confront these things unless we need to. I hadn't really thought about it either to start with, but after trying this long, I am coming round to the idea now, although I would want a younger child, preferably a baby if poss. Our friends are trying to adopt now, also after trying 3 times. They are trying for a romanian child I believe. I haven't spoken to them in a while, so don't know how far they have got yet. Maybe in another year or so DH will have had more time to consider it. I think it would only be fair, as he has two children my age, so he has his family, I don't.
As Jaye says, even after all these weeks, it still affects us. I believe she was pregnant to start with, like Wendy & I know I am different, but Jaye summed it up very well when she says she doesn't know if she can go through that again & it scares her to think she may have to.
It doesn't matter that all our circumstances differ slightly, we are all petrified of going through this torture again aren't we!
Love to all.
Mandy.
Mandy
Hey all!
I wonder why men seem to have more issues with adoption than the women? Just thinking about it you would think it would be the other way around. I mean for me I want to be pregnant and experience the birth, and also have a wonderful little baby. Men do not really go though the pregnancy and birth, so what is their resistance to adoption?
I do understand men wanting to spread their genes, but when that is no longer an option why not adopt?
My husband is one of those that will not even talk about adoption, so I just wonder what other husbands might be saying as to why they are not interested in adoption.
Wendy, I am excited that you have your appointment today. I can not wait for November when I get to go in to talk about the FET protocol with the RE. Your FET will be medicated?
I would really like to lose some weight before starting in January, but I have such a hard time dieting. it seems just about everything I do I do it to extremes and that especially includes trying to lose weight.
I think if things turn out badly in January I will be devasted. I am curious if BFNs are easier the second time?
Mia
I wonder why men seem to have more issues with adoption than the women? Just thinking about it you would think it would be the other way around. I mean for me I want to be pregnant and experience the birth, and also have a wonderful little baby. Men do not really go though the pregnancy and birth, so what is their resistance to adoption?
I do understand men wanting to spread their genes, but when that is no longer an option why not adopt?
My husband is one of those that will not even talk about adoption, so I just wonder what other husbands might be saying as to why they are not interested in adoption.
Wendy, I am excited that you have your appointment today. I can not wait for November when I get to go in to talk about the FET protocol with the RE. Your FET will be medicated?
I would really like to lose some weight before starting in January, but I have such a hard time dieting. it seems just about everything I do I do it to extremes and that especially includes trying to lose weight.
I think if things turn out badly in January I will be devasted. I am curious if BFNs are easier the second time?
Mia