Hi Mia
It was weird being back at the hospital for my appointment today, I feel I have come so far yet here I am starting again.
My FET will be medicated, as was my last one, my doctors advice was 'well you were nearly there with medicated the last time so why change'. Even medicated, FETs are far easier than a full cycle. Have you thought what you will do next time?
The one good benefit with medicated is that you can time your ET a lot easier than waiting on your body to get there especially if your cycle is a bit off, for me it means I can go back on the Pill to stop my period for a bit which is good news.
As for if dealing with a BFN gets easier second time, it didn't get easier for me, its different every time, I was ok the first time but devestated the second. It is easier in general though knowing what to expect and knowing you can cope.
Regarding the adoption issue my dh is ok with it, think he would prefer either IVF or surragacy (don't know how keen I am on that) but he has never uttered any reservations about adoption at all, who knows maybe he's just going along thinking its something he won't need to think about!
Hope everyone else is well
Wendy
Keep in touch August buddies!
Wendy,
I imagine going back to the clinic was a little tough. My clinic is in the hospital that also houses a medical school. I have been conducting some research for one of the Professors there, so I have been back to the hospital twice since I received the bad news.
Just, going in the building brings back so many memories, so I am sure actually going to the clinic and meeting with my doctor will be an experience.
My RE mentioned a non-medicated FET cycle, but I will know more when I speak with the doctor. He will be putting me on BCPs in November, but after that I do not have a clue about the protocol.
I also have 3 frosties and most of my concerns right now are concentrated as to whether these embies will survive. I have done some research and it sounds like blastocyst are hardy. I hope mine are!!!
I am starting to become very nervous about going through this next cycle because I am afraid it will not work. I suppose I have already proven to myself that I can handle a negative, but I am still worried about how I will handle the added dissappointment.
During my research I read an article about stress and the outcome of IVF. What they found is that women who say they are very worried about the outcome of IVF, feel a great deal of stress about the medical treatment, and are more stressed about missing work have a lower sucess rate than woman you are less stressful during treatment. I would think this may be why so many people do things like acupuncture and reflexology to decrease stress.
During our last treatment we were in the process of buying a new home and moving. I was under A LOT of stress. Hopefully, I will be able to make January as stress-free as possible. Now, if I could only make myself stop worrying.
Mia
I imagine going back to the clinic was a little tough. My clinic is in the hospital that also houses a medical school. I have been conducting some research for one of the Professors there, so I have been back to the hospital twice since I received the bad news.
Just, going in the building brings back so many memories, so I am sure actually going to the clinic and meeting with my doctor will be an experience.
My RE mentioned a non-medicated FET cycle, but I will know more when I speak with the doctor. He will be putting me on BCPs in November, but after that I do not have a clue about the protocol.
I also have 3 frosties and most of my concerns right now are concentrated as to whether these embies will survive. I have done some research and it sounds like blastocyst are hardy. I hope mine are!!!
I am starting to become very nervous about going through this next cycle because I am afraid it will not work. I suppose I have already proven to myself that I can handle a negative, but I am still worried about how I will handle the added dissappointment.
During my research I read an article about stress and the outcome of IVF. What they found is that women who say they are very worried about the outcome of IVF, feel a great deal of stress about the medical treatment, and are more stressed about missing work have a lower sucess rate than woman you are less stressful during treatment. I would think this may be why so many people do things like acupuncture and reflexology to decrease stress.
During our last treatment we were in the process of buying a new home and moving. I was under A LOT of stress. Hopefully, I will be able to make January as stress-free as possible. Now, if I could only make myself stop worrying.
Mia
Paige,
Thanks for taking the time to tell us about your experience of being adopted. Both DH and I were very closed minded about adopting initially but, the more I learn about it, the more comfortable I am with the idea. The information you provided was definitely very helpful and encouraging.
Mia and Mandy,
I know what you mean about it seeming like men are more closed to the whole idea of adoption. At first, it wasn't a problem between my DH and I because I was also against the idea. We figured if we couldn't have our own children, then we just wouldn't have them. Of course, that was before my first failed attempt and I didn't think we would ever really need to seriously consider it. To be honest, I have very little hope that my FET in Jan. will work so I've been gradually trying to gather information about adoption now. My DH was still dead set against it until a few weeks ago after we watched a foreign film called "Koyla" (very good movie by the way). Although the film wasn't specifically about adoption it showed a cute little boy who was abandoned by his mother become attached to a man who took him in. At any rate, I casually brought up the subject after the movie by saying that I wouldn't mind adopting a young child who had lost their parents or something...that we'd be able to give a child a wonderful home and opportunities. He actually agreed. I was rather shocked since anytime I had brought up the issue before he got very irritable and refused to even speak of it. Well, my next step was finding a few pictures of cute little kids in Russia/Ukraine on the internet who were waiting to be adopted. There was a 4 year old girl that looked very much like me when I was that age so I sent him that one. At that point, he even wrote a letter of interest to the agency regarding the whole process. I couldn't believe it
! However, he has kind of backed off now because he wants to see what happens with the FET first. I agree we need to close the door on our attempt at IVF before seriously pursuing adoption but I have to say I feel a little better about things in the knowledge that adoption may be a way for us to have a family. I would never want to make him feel forced into it so I've been very delicate about how I approach the whole issue with him. Of course, he is 40 now and has never had children either so it is a little different than your situation, Mandy. Hopefully, your DH will warm up to the idea in time. Needless to say, I hope your next attempt is successful so it won't even be an issue. Mia, does your DH have children from a previous marriage or anything as well?
Mia,
I'll be doing my FET in Jan. too and was actually wondering if BFN's the 2nd time around would be any easier as well. I was really more upset than I ever imagined I would be after my first failed attempt. I just can't even stand the thought of feeling like I did then again. I'm really not putting much hope into it working this time so maybe it will be easier in that sense. The first time I started getting really hopeful in spite of myself. It was just that, after they put the embryos back, that was the closest I've ever been to being pregnant. It's like I was actually able to pretend for 13 days that I was....until AF showed up and brought me back to reality.
Anyway, hello to everyone else! I'm feeling rather bummed today as DH just left for a week long business trip to Las Vegas. We are rarely apart for more than a day at a time so this is not going to be an easy week for me.
Staci
Thanks for taking the time to tell us about your experience of being adopted. Both DH and I were very closed minded about adopting initially but, the more I learn about it, the more comfortable I am with the idea. The information you provided was definitely very helpful and encouraging.
Mia and Mandy,
I know what you mean about it seeming like men are more closed to the whole idea of adoption. At first, it wasn't a problem between my DH and I because I was also against the idea. We figured if we couldn't have our own children, then we just wouldn't have them. Of course, that was before my first failed attempt and I didn't think we would ever really need to seriously consider it. To be honest, I have very little hope that my FET in Jan. will work so I've been gradually trying to gather information about adoption now. My DH was still dead set against it until a few weeks ago after we watched a foreign film called "Koyla" (very good movie by the way). Although the film wasn't specifically about adoption it showed a cute little boy who was abandoned by his mother become attached to a man who took him in. At any rate, I casually brought up the subject after the movie by saying that I wouldn't mind adopting a young child who had lost their parents or something...that we'd be able to give a child a wonderful home and opportunities. He actually agreed. I was rather shocked since anytime I had brought up the issue before he got very irritable and refused to even speak of it. Well, my next step was finding a few pictures of cute little kids in Russia/Ukraine on the internet who were waiting to be adopted. There was a 4 year old girl that looked very much like me when I was that age so I sent him that one. At that point, he even wrote a letter of interest to the agency regarding the whole process. I couldn't believe it
! However, he has kind of backed off now because he wants to see what happens with the FET first. I agree we need to close the door on our attempt at IVF before seriously pursuing adoption but I have to say I feel a little better about things in the knowledge that adoption may be a way for us to have a family. I would never want to make him feel forced into it so I've been very delicate about how I approach the whole issue with him. Of course, he is 40 now and has never had children either so it is a little different than your situation, Mandy. Hopefully, your DH will warm up to the idea in time. Needless to say, I hope your next attempt is successful so it won't even be an issue. Mia, does your DH have children from a previous marriage or anything as well?Mia,
I'll be doing my FET in Jan. too and was actually wondering if BFN's the 2nd time around would be any easier as well. I was really more upset than I ever imagined I would be after my first failed attempt. I just can't even stand the thought of feeling like I did then again. I'm really not putting much hope into it working this time so maybe it will be easier in that sense. The first time I started getting really hopeful in spite of myself. It was just that, after they put the embryos back, that was the closest I've ever been to being pregnant. It's like I was actually able to pretend for 13 days that I was....until AF showed up and brought me back to reality.
Anyway, hello to everyone else! I'm feeling rather bummed today as DH just left for a week long business trip to Las Vegas. We are rarely apart for more than a day at a time so this is not going to be an easy week for me.
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
Hey everyone,
Thanks for the reassurance, Wendy, we have a follow up appt on 28 Oct, so have to wait until then to ask the dr what she makes of our case - was it just bad luck, or is two m/cs a sign of things to come... no doubt there'll be more tests... it would be a relief if they found something! I'm feeling a bit more positive about the next time now, which hopefully will be this year, if all goes to plan. We've never had frosties, so it's a full go every time (always get crap embies, although they are beautiful to us
) It would be great to cycle with some of you guys again - I feel like I know you now.
Mia, what kind of research do you do? I'm interested in that kind of stuff - I'm a social policy analyst, so I get interested in all kinds of things (I have policy responsiblity for the declining fertility rate in Australia - can you believe???? Ironic isn't the word...)
Absolutely exhausted for some reason this week, and can't even blame it on tmt for once!
Take care all,
Jaye.
Thanks for the reassurance, Wendy, we have a follow up appt on 28 Oct, so have to wait until then to ask the dr what she makes of our case - was it just bad luck, or is two m/cs a sign of things to come... no doubt there'll be more tests... it would be a relief if they found something! I'm feeling a bit more positive about the next time now, which hopefully will be this year, if all goes to plan. We've never had frosties, so it's a full go every time (always get crap embies, although they are beautiful to us
) It would be great to cycle with some of you guys again - I feel like I know you now. Mia, what kind of research do you do? I'm interested in that kind of stuff - I'm a social policy analyst, so I get interested in all kinds of things (I have policy responsiblity for the declining fertility rate in Australia - can you believe???? Ironic isn't the word...)
Absolutely exhausted for some reason this week, and can't even blame it on tmt for once!
Take care all,
Jaye.
me 34, dh 36
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
Hi Jaye
It is a pain to keep having to go through full cycles, at least though it will be a new batch of embryos so you don't have to worry that you are using ones that came from the same batch as the miscarried ones. My frosties are from a different cycle from the ones I used last time as well.
Your job sounds really interesting and yes a bit ironic. I am studying social policy with the open university, its my third year and this year has focused on criminology, I was up till 1am last night writing a 3500 word essay on Family conferencing for young female offenders and I've got my exam in 3 weeks. I was not much use at work today after finishing my essay so late last night.
Will the hospital do more tests on you before your next cycle to look for reasons why you miscarried?
Mia - was your research job or personal based?
Hope everyone else is doing well
Wendy
It is a pain to keep having to go through full cycles, at least though it will be a new batch of embryos so you don't have to worry that you are using ones that came from the same batch as the miscarried ones. My frosties are from a different cycle from the ones I used last time as well.
Your job sounds really interesting and yes a bit ironic. I am studying social policy with the open university, its my third year and this year has focused on criminology, I was up till 1am last night writing a 3500 word essay on Family conferencing for young female offenders and I've got my exam in 3 weeks. I was not much use at work today after finishing my essay so late last night.
Will the hospital do more tests on you before your next cycle to look for reasons why you miscarried?
Mia - was your research job or personal based?
Hope everyone else is doing well
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
Hey,
Any research I do concerning IVF, infertility, etc. is all personal. Through work I have access to many research databases, so I have read a lot of medical journal articles surrounding IVF. I am a research psychologist. The research I do for work is looking at socioemotional and cognitive development in at-risk children.
Like, I said most of the IVF research is done when I can not focus on my "real' work. Ironically, all my personal research on IVF has been in medical journals. I guess I have been trying to grasp for hope in any study that will allow me to have some hope. I wouldn't advise anyone to start looking in the medical journals; they can be both encouraging and disheartening. For example, I have read a lot on different freezing protocols. Some protocols appear to much more successful than others. I want to know how my clinic froze my embryos, but I am afraid to ask. What if they used the less successful protocol?! Silly I know, but sometimes you can have too much information.
This particular thread has made me very interested in the psychological issues surrounding IVF/infertility for both the patient and the partner. I have not yet investigated this issue, but I think I will.
Sorry to be such a bore, but you did ask.
Mia
Any research I do concerning IVF, infertility, etc. is all personal. Through work I have access to many research databases, so I have read a lot of medical journal articles surrounding IVF. I am a research psychologist. The research I do for work is looking at socioemotional and cognitive development in at-risk children.
Like, I said most of the IVF research is done when I can not focus on my "real' work. Ironically, all my personal research on IVF has been in medical journals. I guess I have been trying to grasp for hope in any study that will allow me to have some hope. I wouldn't advise anyone to start looking in the medical journals; they can be both encouraging and disheartening. For example, I have read a lot on different freezing protocols. Some protocols appear to much more successful than others. I want to know how my clinic froze my embryos, but I am afraid to ask. What if they used the less successful protocol?! Silly I know, but sometimes you can have too much information.
This particular thread has made me very interested in the psychological issues surrounding IVF/infertility for both the patient and the partner. I have not yet investigated this issue, but I think I will.
Sorry to be such a bore, but you did ask.
Mia
Hey,
Mia, your job sounds interesting. I work in the children's services field, doing policy around effects of child care on children (among other things) -so I imagine we must do similar things in some ways. Interesting (not boring at all to me!) It's interesting to see how many people on this board do stuff related to children - teaching and so on. I never particularly wanted to work with children - I just fell into it. But now I'm here I really like it. In terms of fertility, I often get articles to comment on saying things like 'since the 1970s women have been able to control their fertility...' I always edit them. I can't escape my own experience!
Wendy - If I can ever be of assistance, do ask! My masters is in public policy and I've been in social policy for about 10 years. It's a great field, I love it. Do you work in a related field and/or plan to?
Yeah, I guess we will have more tests. They have never found anything - other than we are 'normal'. That's why I said it would be a relief if they did find something. I will certainly ask for all the tests I can have - I don't want to go through this again if there's some test I could have now that might help me avoid it. I know my clinic can also do that diagnosis thing before they transfer - to see if the embies are normal. I don't know what risks/costs might go with that, but we will probably ask about it and see if it might be helpful for us. But we have always got so few embies, we generally don't have a huge choice.
How are you going Staci? I hate it when DH is away - doesn't happen too often, luckily. Hope you are finding fun stuff to do that takes your mind off it.
jaye
Mia, your job sounds interesting. I work in the children's services field, doing policy around effects of child care on children (among other things) -so I imagine we must do similar things in some ways. Interesting (not boring at all to me!) It's interesting to see how many people on this board do stuff related to children - teaching and so on. I never particularly wanted to work with children - I just fell into it. But now I'm here I really like it. In terms of fertility, I often get articles to comment on saying things like 'since the 1970s women have been able to control their fertility...' I always edit them. I can't escape my own experience!
Wendy - If I can ever be of assistance, do ask! My masters is in public policy and I've been in social policy for about 10 years. It's a great field, I love it. Do you work in a related field and/or plan to?
Yeah, I guess we will have more tests. They have never found anything - other than we are 'normal'. That's why I said it would be a relief if they did find something. I will certainly ask for all the tests I can have - I don't want to go through this again if there's some test I could have now that might help me avoid it. I know my clinic can also do that diagnosis thing before they transfer - to see if the embies are normal. I don't know what risks/costs might go with that, but we will probably ask about it and see if it might be helpful for us. But we have always got so few embies, we generally don't have a huge choice.
How are you going Staci? I hate it when DH is away - doesn't happen too often, luckily. Hope you are finding fun stuff to do that takes your mind off it.
jaye
me 34, dh 36
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
Hi
Hope you all had a good weekend.
Jaye your job sounds fab, very interesting. I don't work in social policy, I just started my studying with the Open University because I was interested and was fed up doing what I was doing, I worked in pensions for 13years until last year (voluntary redundancy) and now I work in the public sector, my job is still finance related but I work for the housing dept, the section allocates funding to organisations that provide support for vulnerable adults, the elderly, domestic abuse, learning difficulties etc. I like my job but would like to move into policy eventually, the only taster I've had was being involved in an income maximisation strategy for the city and it was really interesting and worthwhile. Assuming I pass my criminology course this year then next year I fancy doing a course called social policy and personal lives, policy implications on the family, gender divisions. It has a research project in it so might take you up on your offer of answering my questions.
Mia, your job sounds great as well, it sounds like you have accomplished lots after your difficult times when you were younger.
Staci, hope you are doing ok without your dh this week, as much as mine can be a pest I don't like to be away from him either.
Speak to you all soon.
Wendy
Hope you all had a good weekend.
Jaye your job sounds fab, very interesting. I don't work in social policy, I just started my studying with the Open University because I was interested and was fed up doing what I was doing, I worked in pensions for 13years until last year (voluntary redundancy) and now I work in the public sector, my job is still finance related but I work for the housing dept, the section allocates funding to organisations that provide support for vulnerable adults, the elderly, domestic abuse, learning difficulties etc. I like my job but would like to move into policy eventually, the only taster I've had was being involved in an income maximisation strategy for the city and it was really interesting and worthwhile. Assuming I pass my criminology course this year then next year I fancy doing a course called social policy and personal lives, policy implications on the family, gender divisions. It has a research project in it so might take you up on your offer of answering my questions.
Mia, your job sounds great as well, it sounds like you have accomplished lots after your difficult times when you were younger.
Staci, hope you are doing ok without your dh this week, as much as mine can be a pest I don't like to be away from him either.
Speak to you all soon.
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
Hi everyone,
I am feeling very sad now. I am supposed to go to doctors office on 6th for HCG test. But I am spotting since yesterday. I called the doctors office about my spotting, they told me to come on 6th for the hcg as the spotting is not abnormal in some cases. Even I am having little bit cramping too. They said that also not abnormal. But for me usually I start with the spotting before getting the periods. So, I don't know what to do now. Whether to have a hope for it or not? Did it happen to any one on this board(got spotting still got pregnant).
Got 12 eggs, 3 didn't survive 2 fertiled but abnormal. They transferred 2 on 21st sep. In the remaining 5, 4 didn't survive and one reached blasto cyst stage. So they saved it for the future.
Please anyone, can you help me on this?
Thanks.
I am feeling very sad now. I am supposed to go to doctors office on 6th for HCG test. But I am spotting since yesterday. I called the doctors office about my spotting, they told me to come on 6th for the hcg as the spotting is not abnormal in some cases. Even I am having little bit cramping too. They said that also not abnormal. But for me usually I start with the spotting before getting the periods. So, I don't know what to do now. Whether to have a hope for it or not? Did it happen to any one on this board(got spotting still got pregnant).
Got 12 eggs, 3 didn't survive 2 fertiled but abnormal. They transferred 2 on 21st sep. In the remaining 5, 4 didn't survive and one reached blasto cyst stage. So they saved it for the future.
Please anyone, can you help me on this?
Thanks.
Valspas,
Sorry to hear things aren't going so well. Unfortunately, my own experience was that I had cramping and some spotting a day or two before I was due to go in for my test and the following day AF showed up in full force. However, I know there have been some people on here who have had spotting before a positive test and even throughout pregnancy. So, it's very hard to tell what is going on. Everyone seems to experience things differently. It's great that you have a frozen embryo for future use. Let's hope you don't need to use it (or that, if you do, it will be for a 2nd) but it is good that it's there. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how things go.
Take care,
Staci
Sorry to hear things aren't going so well. Unfortunately, my own experience was that I had cramping and some spotting a day or two before I was due to go in for my test and the following day AF showed up in full force. However, I know there have been some people on here who have had spotting before a positive test and even throughout pregnancy. So, it's very hard to tell what is going on. Everyone seems to experience things differently. It's great that you have a frozen embryo for future use. Let's hope you don't need to use it (or that, if you do, it will be for a 2nd) but it is good that it's there. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how things go.
Take care,
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
Hi everyone,
Well I managed to survive my week alone. DH returned last night and I was very happy . I've been so nice to him since he got home that he thinks he should start going away more often!
Now, I am leaving with him tonight to go to Palm Beach, FL for a few days. He will be working and I'll just hang out at the hotel. I could really use a change of scenery...although I'm guessing that area looks even worse than it does around here after all the hurricanes.
I really thought a lot about things while he was gone and I'm actually starting to question even doing the FET in Jan. at all. I'm so certain it isn't going to work that I'm not sure if I want to suffer through all the drugs again and give the clinic more money for nothing. I'm wondering if I should just drop it and start focusing on adoption. To be honest, I have never been comfortable with the idea of being pregnant and giving birth to begin with. I try to tell myself that I could put my body image issues aside during the pregnancy but I'm not so sure it would be that easy. I tend to go on exercise binges when I've gained even a few pounds. Admittedly, too much of my sense of self esteem is tied into my weight. I'm just not confident of myself as a person unless I look perfect. I know that is horrid and I suppose I shouldn't be so concerned about appearances and what others think.
Needless to say, one can't diet and go crazy with exercise when one is pregnant. So, I started thinking maybe all this is happening to me for a reason. Maybe we were really just meant to adopt. I don't know....very confused about it all. It also seems stupid not to at least give the frosties a shot, I suppose. I have a hard time with the idea of destroying them because I'm afraid I'll always wonder "what if". I wasn't so doubtful about things before doing the IVF. I was pretty much convinced I could handle pregnancy and that a baby would be worth it. I felt like I would do anything to have one. Something has just changed with the way I feel between then and now. I don't know why. Meanwhile, I haven't mentioned my doubts about going through with the FET to DH. I know he'll be really upset about it and is planning on my doing it. I don't want to get him worked up about it until I've made a final decision. Help!
Anyway, I just wanted to pop on and say hi to everyone before leaving but seem to have gone off on a major tangent. Sorry about that. Just something that was on my mind.
Hope you are all doing well!
Staci
Well I managed to survive my week alone. DH returned last night and I was very happy
. I've been so nice to him since he got home that he thinks he should start going away more often!Now, I am leaving with him tonight to go to Palm Beach, FL for a few days. He will be working and I'll just hang out at the hotel. I could really use a change of scenery...although I'm guessing that area looks even worse than it does around here after all the hurricanes.
I really thought a lot about things while he was gone and I'm actually starting to question even doing the FET in Jan. at all. I'm so certain it isn't going to work that I'm not sure if I want to suffer through all the drugs again and give the clinic more money for nothing. I'm wondering if I should just drop it and start focusing on adoption. To be honest, I have never been comfortable with the idea of being pregnant and giving birth to begin with. I try to tell myself that I could put my body image issues aside during the pregnancy but I'm not so sure it would be that easy. I tend to go on exercise binges when I've gained even a few pounds. Admittedly, too much of my sense of self esteem is tied into my weight. I'm just not confident of myself as a person unless I look perfect. I know that is horrid and I suppose I shouldn't be so concerned about appearances and what others think.
Needless to say, one can't diet and go crazy with exercise when one is pregnant. So, I started thinking maybe all this is happening to me for a reason. Maybe we were really just meant to adopt. I don't know....very confused about it all. It also seems stupid not to at least give the frosties a shot, I suppose. I have a hard time with the idea of destroying them because I'm afraid I'll always wonder "what if". I wasn't so doubtful about things before doing the IVF. I was pretty much convinced I could handle pregnancy and that a baby would be worth it. I felt like I would do anything to have one. Something has just changed with the way I feel between then and now. I don't know why. Meanwhile, I haven't mentioned my doubts about going through with the FET to DH. I know he'll be really upset about it and is planning on my doing it. I don't want to get him worked up about it until I've made a final decision. Help!
Anyway, I just wanted to pop on and say hi to everyone before leaving but seem to have gone off on a major tangent. Sorry about that. Just something that was on my mind.
Hope you are all doing well!
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
Valpas,
I had spotting up until 7 weeks with my twins. I am now at 9 weeks and the bleeding has finally stopped. I was convinced it had not worked, and even had bleeding while I was on the phone with the clinic and they were giving me the good news.
Sorry to say, all you can do is wait and see for the test. But I hope it goes well for you tommorrow and that the news is very good!
Alicia
I had spotting up until 7 weeks with my twins. I am now at 9 weeks and the bleeding has finally stopped. I was convinced it had not worked, and even had bleeding while I was on the phone with the clinic and they were giving me the good news.
Sorry to say, all you can do is wait and see for the test. But I hope it goes well for you tommorrow and that the news is very good!
Alicia
TTC 2.5 years - Me 38 no tubes; DH 32
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
Staci,
Sorry to hear that you are having confusing feelings. I too have had them for the last few years. Sometimes I felt like I would rather adopt, too. In my case, DH was not that into having a baby, and even less so in adopting. So that's why we gave IVF a try.
But this last time, when I was having the bleeding after the +ve, I swore I would never do it again. It is such an emotional roller coaster.
You are very wise not to discuss it with DH until your feelings have solidified. I did the same. I was afraid it would be a good excuse for him to say we couldn't continue again later, if I changed my mind . Good luck with your thought process. I'm sure the right answer for what is best for you and DH will become clearer.
Alicia
Sorry to hear that you are having confusing feelings. I too have had them for the last few years. Sometimes I felt like I would rather adopt, too. In my case, DH was not that into having a baby, and even less so in adopting. So that's why we gave IVF a try.
But this last time, when I was having the bleeding after the +ve, I swore I would never do it again. It is such an emotional roller coaster.
You are very wise not to discuss it with DH until your feelings have solidified. I did the same. I was afraid it would be a good excuse for him to say we couldn't continue again later, if I changed my mind
. Good luck with your thought process. I'm sure the right answer for what is best for you and DH will become clearer.Alicia
Staci:
I know exactly what you are thinking with the body image issue with being pregnant. And believe me, it is hard. But, you also end up with a baby that is totally worth it. There are people who enjoy every minute of being pregnant and there are those of us who it is a means to an end. We do it because the baby is wonderful, not because being pregnant is loads of fun. It is hard to let your body go through this phase where you don't feel pregant...just chubby. And believe me, I'm on the treadmill 4-5 times a week, though I'm limited to walking not running anymore. I think you should try your FET and not let your frosties expire. It is totally worth it if it's successful.
Paige
I know exactly what you are thinking with the body image issue with being pregnant. And believe me, it is hard. But, you also end up with a baby that is totally worth it. There are people who enjoy every minute of being pregnant and there are those of us who it is a means to an end. We do it because the baby is wonderful, not because being pregnant is loads of fun. It is hard to let your body go through this phase where you don't feel pregant...just chubby. And believe me, I'm on the treadmill 4-5 times a week, though I'm limited to walking not running anymore. I think you should try your FET and not let your frosties expire. It is totally worth it if it's successful.
Paige
Staci,
I understand your mixed feelings about the FET cycle in January. I am having the same type of emotions, one day I am ready to go again and cannot wait until January, the next momemt I am doubting myself about whether I want to put myself through the whole experience again.
After a disappointment it is very hard to regain the hope that you had with the first cycle. It was so heartbreaking to get the negative. I don't want to feel that again, and I am scared I will. I have times when I am certain that the FET will not work, and I am just setting myself up for disappointment.
it has been almost two months since that negative, and I can say I am just now getting back to myself. I have regained interest in my job and I am happy with the way my life is now. Going through the FET cycle in January will turn all of that upside down, regardless of the outcome.
If it was totally up to me I would have went straight to adoption and would have bypassed IVF all together. Infertilty is the cruelest and having to go through all the medical procedures to try to do what should be natural is the most unfair thing I can imagine. I think ( Idon't know) that with adoption there is less uncertainty and there is a greater feeling of control.
I wished I could understand why my husband is against adoption, but he still does not want to even discuss the option.
Staci, I can also relate to your concerns about body image. I was bulimic for many years, and I have dealt with many body image issues. I am now pleasantly chubby, but I am chubby because I have been able to move on beyond the food/weight obsession. The only way I have been able to do this is by not dieting at all. I cannot diet without obsessing. I diet for me means, fasting, diet pills, sneaking food, and binging. I am chubby because I have learned to control the purging. In all honesty when thing become extremely stressful or when I am feel "out of control' of a situation I have purged once or twice in the past couple of years.
I took my last diet pill less than a week before begining IVF, and I worry everyday that the pills may have had an effect on the outcome. I can not share my worries with my husband because he does not know about the diet pills. No one knows.
I would LOVE to lose some weight before starting treatment, but I do not know how to lose weight healthy. I am in a postion to where I am now heavier than when I gave birth to my son, my body is thirteen years older, and I am worried to death as to what my body will look like once the pregnanacy is over. (Listen to me getting ahead of myself.)
I am not so much concerned about being pregnant but bouncing back after pregnancy. I am not in my twenties any more!!!!
Anyway, I hope you had a nice little trip.
Wendy, thank you for what you said. I have worked hard at changing my life around and I am a much happier person for it.
Mia
my mood:
I understand your mixed feelings about the FET cycle in January. I am having the same type of emotions, one day I am ready to go again and cannot wait until January, the next momemt I am doubting myself about whether I want to put myself through the whole experience again.
After a disappointment it is very hard to regain the hope that you had with the first cycle. It was so heartbreaking to get the negative. I don't want to feel that again, and I am scared I will. I have times when I am certain that the FET will not work, and I am just setting myself up for disappointment.
it has been almost two months since that negative, and I can say I am just now getting back to myself. I have regained interest in my job and I am happy with the way my life is now. Going through the FET cycle in January will turn all of that upside down, regardless of the outcome.
If it was totally up to me I would have went straight to adoption and would have bypassed IVF all together. Infertilty is the cruelest and having to go through all the medical procedures to try to do what should be natural is the most unfair thing I can imagine. I think ( Idon't know) that with adoption there is less uncertainty and there is a greater feeling of control.
I wished I could understand why my husband is against adoption, but he still does not want to even discuss the option.
Staci, I can also relate to your concerns about body image. I was bulimic for many years, and I have dealt with many body image issues. I am now pleasantly chubby, but I am chubby because I have been able to move on beyond the food/weight obsession. The only way I have been able to do this is by not dieting at all. I cannot diet without obsessing. I diet for me means, fasting, diet pills, sneaking food, and binging. I am chubby because I have learned to control the purging. In all honesty when thing become extremely stressful or when I am feel "out of control' of a situation I have purged once or twice in the past couple of years.
I took my last diet pill less than a week before begining IVF, and I worry everyday that the pills may have had an effect on the outcome. I can not share my worries with my husband because he does not know about the diet pills. No one knows.
I would LOVE to lose some weight before starting treatment, but I do not know how to lose weight healthy. I am in a postion to where I am now heavier than when I gave birth to my son, my body is thirteen years older, and I am worried to death as to what my body will look like once the pregnanacy is over. (Listen to me getting ahead of myself.)
I am not so much concerned about being pregnant but bouncing back after pregnancy. I am not in my twenties any more!!!!
Anyway, I hope you had a nice little trip.
Wendy, thank you for what you said. I have worked hard at changing my life around and I am a much happier person for it.
Mia
my mood: