Staci And Alicia,
Thank you very much for your support. It meant a lot to me.
My HCG test turned to be negative. I couldn't stop crying. I thought I'll just share it with you guys. Doctor wants to put me on a new cycle. I'll be starting to take contraceptive pills when I get normal bleeding, because I am still spotting.
Staci, All the best for your treatment in Jan.
Alicia, I am very happy for you. Good Luck and take good rest.
Keep in touch August buddies!
Alicia/Mia/Paige,
I just returned from our few days away and I can't even begin to express how much your replies helped me. I wish I had read them before leaving as I actually blew it last night at dinner and brought up looking into adoption further to DH.
When he said that he thought we decided to wait until we see what the outcome is in Jan. and that he really thought he had been agreeing to adoption only as a last resort, I told him I was starting to have doubts about the FET. Let me add that I brought this up at an absolutely terrible time as he has been traveling and working long hours nonstop for over a week now and was clearly exhausted and just in need of a relaxing night. I had a large martini at dinner which went to my head and I think it resulted in my saying something when normally I would have known better. At any rate, he completely blew up at me and we ended up getting in one of the worst arguments we've ever had (we are getting along now but I don't know that we've really resolved anything). Now, I see he is not so ready to accept adoption as I thought. I mean, if we do it, I don't want him thinking of it as a "last resort". I also shouldn't have even brought up the issue (Alicia, how I wish I had read your message beforehand!) because, of course, today I am feeling certain that I will go ahead with the FET. I actually feel like there's not really an option not to. I can't just destroy the frosties after all this. Of course, now I'm worried DH will think I'm such a basketcase that we shouldn't do it.
Paige, it is really like you said. I do want the outcome so much and I can really see the two of us being great parents but am just so fearful of everything it takes to get there. I just think I'd never be able to even handle going out in public or even dealing with family members while pregnant...especially in the "chubby" stage where people would just think I was getting fat. Maybe I could hibernate for 12 months or so?
And, of course, I even worry that DH will be repulsed by me and not want anything to do with me once I've gained weight. Why do I let myself care how much what other people think? I've really just got to get myself into the right mindset. Having to do this through IVF related means is just so much more difficult - not only for the obvious reasons - but because everything is so planned out that I have all this time to think about every single thing. If it just happened naturally, then I know I would just deal with it. The thing is that, when I do the FET, I certainly don't want to have this little part of me hoping it won't succeed. I know you are very into working out and staying in shape as well yet you are managing to get through it and that is definitely encouraging to me.
Mia, it is really a relief that someone else is having these back and forth feelings with the whole thing. I was really starting to think I was just completely insane and that everyone else in the world seems to be able to handle this stuff without any major problem. It's so hard to finally start feeling like yourself again then have to start with it all over again. Sometimes, I really just wish I was younger so time wasn't such a pressing factor in all this.
I had bulimia for a time too after I recovered from anorexia. I really need to get to the point where I can just accept the weight my body wants to be at instead of killing myself to turn myself into something I'm not. My self esteem seems to get bigger as the numbers on the scale go down and lower when they go up. I'm fine when I'm in my comfort zone like I am right now but, once I get out of that range, I tend to panic and feel worthless.
As far as the diet pills you took, please don't beat yourself up about that as I honestly don't think they affected anything. I mean look at all the substances (alcohol, major drugs, cigarettes, etc.) so many women take before finding out they are pregnant. I know what it's like to find that one thing that you think might have screwed things up and caused a -tive. For me, it was getting on the treadmill and racewalking then using the elliptical trainer (lightly) on the 3rd day after transfer. I did it when DH was at work because the clinic had told us, in front of him, that I was not to exercise. I just couldn't take it for longer than 2 days and I read one article that said it didn't matter so I convinced myself it was okay. He still doesn't know (just like yours doesn't know about the pills) and sometimes I feel really guilty and start blaming myself. Looking at the whole thing rationally though (which I realize is not easy), it is very unlikely that either of our mishaps caused a -tive. Unfortunately, the reality is that the odds are really no better than they are for natural conception in people who don't have infertility problems. Sometimes it takes normal couples a number of tries before they succeed. In our case, it's just magnified because most of us don't have the finances and/or emotional capacity to go through IVF a large number of times.
Anyway, I didn't mean to write so much. Is everyone still awake?
The strange thing here is I know I probably sound like I completely confused, neurotic person but, normally, I'm not this bad. It's just that ever since we had to start dealing with infertility problems and the whole IVF rollercoaster, it seems to have magnified any other problems I was experiencing or am susceptible to .... if that makes any sense?
Anyway, my fingers are starting to go numb so I'd better say goodbye!
Thank you all again for your insight.
Staci
I just returned from our few days away and I can't even begin to express how much your replies helped me. I wish I had read them before leaving as I actually blew it last night at dinner and brought up looking into adoption further to DH.
When he said that he thought we decided to wait until we see what the outcome is in Jan. and that he really thought he had been agreeing to adoption only as a last resort, I told him I was starting to have doubts about the FET. Let me add that I brought this up at an absolutely terrible time as he has been traveling and working long hours nonstop for over a week now and was clearly exhausted and just in need of a relaxing night. I had a large martini at dinner which went to my head and I think it resulted in my saying something when normally I would have known better. At any rate, he completely blew up at me and we ended up getting in one of the worst arguments we've ever had (we are getting along now but I don't know that we've really resolved anything). Now, I see he is not so ready to accept adoption as I thought. I mean, if we do it, I don't want him thinking of it as a "last resort". I also shouldn't have even brought up the issue (Alicia, how I wish I had read your message beforehand!) because, of course, today I am feeling certain that I will go ahead with the FET. I actually feel like there's not really an option not to. I can't just destroy the frosties after all this. Of course, now I'm worried DH will think I'm such a basketcase that we shouldn't do it.
Paige, it is really like you said. I do want the outcome so much and I can really see the two of us being great parents but am just so fearful of everything it takes to get there. I just think I'd never be able to even handle going out in public or even dealing with family members while pregnant...especially in the "chubby" stage where people would just think I was getting fat. Maybe I could hibernate for 12 months or so?
And, of course, I even worry that DH will be repulsed by me and not want anything to do with me once I've gained weight. Why do I let myself care how much what other people think? I've really just got to get myself into the right mindset. Having to do this through IVF related means is just so much more difficult - not only for the obvious reasons - but because everything is so planned out that I have all this time to think about every single thing. If it just happened naturally, then I know I would just deal with it. The thing is that, when I do the FET, I certainly don't want to have this little part of me hoping it won't succeed. I know you are very into working out and staying in shape as well yet you are managing to get through it and that is definitely encouraging to me. Mia, it is really a relief that someone else is having these back and forth feelings with the whole thing. I was really starting to think I was just completely insane and that everyone else in the world seems to be able to handle this stuff without any major problem. It's so hard to finally start feeling like yourself again then have to start with it all over again. Sometimes, I really just wish I was younger so time wasn't such a pressing factor in all this.
I had bulimia for a time too after I recovered from anorexia. I really need to get to the point where I can just accept the weight my body wants to be at instead of killing myself to turn myself into something I'm not. My self esteem seems to get bigger as the numbers on the scale go down and lower when they go up. I'm fine when I'm in my comfort zone like I am right now but, once I get out of that range, I tend to panic and feel worthless.
As far as the diet pills you took, please don't beat yourself up about that as I honestly don't think they affected anything. I mean look at all the substances (alcohol, major drugs, cigarettes, etc.) so many women take before finding out they are pregnant. I know what it's like to find that one thing that you think might have screwed things up and caused a -tive. For me, it was getting on the treadmill and racewalking then using the elliptical trainer (lightly) on the 3rd day after transfer. I did it when DH was at work because the clinic had told us, in front of him, that I was not to exercise. I just couldn't take it for longer than 2 days and I read one article that said it didn't matter so I convinced myself it was okay. He still doesn't know (just like yours doesn't know about the pills) and sometimes I feel really guilty and start blaming myself. Looking at the whole thing rationally though (which I realize is not easy), it is very unlikely that either of our mishaps caused a -tive. Unfortunately, the reality is that the odds are really no better than they are for natural conception in people who don't have infertility problems. Sometimes it takes normal couples a number of tries before they succeed. In our case, it's just magnified because most of us don't have the finances and/or emotional capacity to go through IVF a large number of times.
Anyway, I didn't mean to write so much. Is everyone still awake?
The strange thing here is I know I probably sound like I completely confused, neurotic person but, normally, I'm not this bad. It's just that ever since we had to start dealing with infertility problems and the whole IVF rollercoaster, it seems to have magnified any other problems I was experiencing or am susceptible to .... if that makes any sense?
Anyway, my fingers are starting to go numb so I'd better say goodbye!
Thank you all again for your insight.
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
Valpas,
I am so sorry to hear about your result. I know how difficult it is and that there's really nothing I can say to make you feel better. I have to tell you that I found this board very helpful in dealing with my feelings afterwards. Just know that we are all here for you.
Will you be starting your next cycle soon then? I wish you the best of luck Unfortunately, sometimes it does take several tries. Let's hope this next one will be the time for you. Please stay in touch and let us know how things go.
Take care,
Staci
I am so sorry to hear about your result. I know how difficult it is and that there's really nothing I can say to make you feel better. I have to tell you that I found this board very helpful in dealing with my feelings afterwards. Just know that we are all here for you.
Will you be starting your next cycle soon then? I wish you the best of luck Unfortunately, sometimes it does take several tries. Let's hope this next one will be the time for you. Please stay in touch and let us know how things go.
Take care,
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
Valpas,
So sorry to hear that it was not to be this time. I've had a -ve too with my first IVF and it is very difficult. I wasn't sure how I would feel, but ended up wanting to go again as soon as possible, after getting over the initial sadness. Please stick with us and let us know when you decide what to do next.
Alicia
So sorry to hear that it was not to be this time. I've had a -ve too with my first IVF and it is very difficult. I wasn't sure how I would feel, but ended up wanting to go again as soon as possible, after getting over the initial sadness. Please stick with us and let us know when you decide what to do next.
Alicia
Hi everyone,
I haven't been around for a while, and so much has been happening.
Staci, I'm sorry I didn't get to your post before you had your fight with DH - I would have given you the same advice as Alicia and Mia, coz I really feel up and down about this whole thing - sometimes I can't wait to get going again and sometimes I don't think I can do it again. You have frosties, that's a great thing, my personal opinion is that you would regret it if you didn't give them a go - but it sounds like you have resolved that yourself anyway. But certainly, I know the way I feel changes from day to day, so I would have said wait a while and see if you still feel the same way. I'm sorry you guys ended up fighting about it. Have you tried to understand his position - why is he so against adoption? Of course, you'd need to pick your time and now doesn't sound so good.... but I think he should be able to tell you what the problem is - and what he wants to do if this time (or however many more times you both decide to do) doesn't work.
DH and I talked about this the other night, for the first time really. We went away camping. During the week, I'd called the local adoption agency and found out somethings about it - how we register, what it involves and so on. It's funny, I really wasn't all that keen on it before hand, but having talked to the social worker, I started to get really quite excited - it's not a quick process, it'll still be 18 months probably before anything happens (if we go ahead), but it was the first time I'd felt really interested in it, letalone excited. Now I'm really glad I've done it. We are still going to try again, either this year or in Jan. But it's nice to know we have other options. I agree - I don't want adoption to be the 'plan B' - so I would want to decided to stop trying ourselves before we got too far down the track. But I'm really excited about the thought now, and basically I guess about having the option. (Mia and Paige - your stories really helped. Thanks!)
Anyway, so when we went away, we were sitting in the middle of nowhere around a campfire, and I brought it up - told him I'd talked to someone and told him what I'd found out - he got excited too. We'd already talked about it and I knew he was OK with the idea, but last time he'd said he wasn't there yet. And neither was I. But that was quite a few tries ago, so I guess we're both closer now. So we're going to put in a initial registration of interest, which is really exciting. But at the end, I asked him which he wanted more - to have an adopted child, or have no children at all. He said he definitely wanted children, whether they were adopted or not, and told me why. So now I feel like I understand much more about where he's coming from, his priorities and stuff, and this is something else we can plan together.
Staci - and Mia - is there any way you think you could get them to talk to you about why they are so against it - and find out what their preferences are - and tell them how you feel? Not that it's any of my business, of course.
I know what you mean about body image. I'm really sorry about how you feel your husband would react. Don't you think he might be sad if he knew you felt that way about how he would feel about you? I'm sure he'd be so happy he wouldn't care what you looked like. Of course, I know that it's easier to say that than to belive it.
Wendy, your job sounds really interesting too - kind of similar to mine. Would be very happy to help in any way I can.
Everyone has talked about such personal stuff, I am sorry for not acknowledging everyone's issues, but this post is already too long. I'm thinking of you all,
Jaye
I haven't been around for a while, and so much has been happening.
Staci, I'm sorry I didn't get to your post before you had your fight with DH - I would have given you the same advice as Alicia and Mia, coz I really feel up and down about this whole thing - sometimes I can't wait to get going again and sometimes I don't think I can do it again. You have frosties, that's a great thing, my personal opinion is that you would regret it if you didn't give them a go - but it sounds like you have resolved that yourself anyway. But certainly, I know the way I feel changes from day to day, so I would have said wait a while and see if you still feel the same way. I'm sorry you guys ended up fighting about it. Have you tried to understand his position - why is he so against adoption? Of course, you'd need to pick your time and now doesn't sound so good.... but I think he should be able to tell you what the problem is - and what he wants to do if this time (or however many more times you both decide to do) doesn't work.
DH and I talked about this the other night, for the first time really. We went away camping. During the week, I'd called the local adoption agency and found out somethings about it - how we register, what it involves and so on. It's funny, I really wasn't all that keen on it before hand, but having talked to the social worker, I started to get really quite excited - it's not a quick process, it'll still be 18 months probably before anything happens (if we go ahead), but it was the first time I'd felt really interested in it, letalone excited. Now I'm really glad I've done it. We are still going to try again, either this year or in Jan. But it's nice to know we have other options. I agree - I don't want adoption to be the 'plan B' - so I would want to decided to stop trying ourselves before we got too far down the track. But I'm really excited about the thought now, and basically I guess about having the option. (Mia and Paige - your stories really helped. Thanks!)
Anyway, so when we went away, we were sitting in the middle of nowhere around a campfire, and I brought it up - told him I'd talked to someone and told him what I'd found out - he got excited too. We'd already talked about it and I knew he was OK with the idea, but last time he'd said he wasn't there yet. And neither was I. But that was quite a few tries ago, so I guess we're both closer now. So we're going to put in a initial registration of interest, which is really exciting. But at the end, I asked him which he wanted more - to have an adopted child, or have no children at all. He said he definitely wanted children, whether they were adopted or not, and told me why. So now I feel like I understand much more about where he's coming from, his priorities and stuff, and this is something else we can plan together.
Staci - and Mia - is there any way you think you could get them to talk to you about why they are so against it - and find out what their preferences are - and tell them how you feel? Not that it's any of my business, of course.
I know what you mean about body image. I'm really sorry about how you feel your husband would react. Don't you think he might be sad if he knew you felt that way about how he would feel about you? I'm sure he'd be so happy he wouldn't care what you looked like. Of course, I know that it's easier to say that than to belive it.
Wendy, your job sounds really interesting too - kind of similar to mine. Would be very happy to help in any way I can.
Everyone has talked about such personal stuff, I am sorry for not acknowledging everyone's issues, but this post is already too long. I'm thinking of you all,
Jaye
me 34, dh 36
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
-
jill dickens
- Regular
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2004 9:33 pm
- Location: UK
Valpas,
I have just seen your message I am so sorry things didn't work out for you. All our thoughts are with you do take care love Jill x
I have just seen your message I am so sorry things didn't work out for you. All our thoughts are with you do take care love Jill x
TTC nearly 9 years
Raised FSH
natural pg M/C, 12 months on Clomid +ve M/C
1st Egg Donor IVF Cycle Oct 04 +ve M/C my dream is over
Nov 04 Began the adoption journey
Nov 06 our beautiful baby girl has come home we were matched at just over 12 months
Raised FSH
natural pg M/C, 12 months on Clomid +ve M/C
1st Egg Donor IVF Cycle Oct 04 +ve M/C my dream is over
Nov 04 Began the adoption journey
Nov 06 our beautiful baby girl has come home we were matched at just over 12 months
Hello
I too can identify with Stacis feelings about giving up and going down the adoption route. I have certainly felt that way before, I think after my second failed attempt I was completely ready to give up. I think its natural to feel like that because no matter how normal you keep your life in between treatments when they start your whole world is turned upside down.
I think everyone knows how much they can take and to be fair I have gone through far more treatments than I ever intended and now I don't know how many more I'll do. I had run out of hope but my short lived positive has given me my hope back.
Its always worth while using your frosties, its a far easier process than a full cycle, emotionally its still hard but just not having to attend the hospital as much and not having to worry about EC does ease the stress you are putting yourself under.
I won't pretend to know anything about the body image stuff, I am slightly overweight but I quite like my figure and have been lucky enough never to suffer from an eating disorder although I could do with losing a few pounds. My demons were more fear of failure, fear that when the reality of negative results hit my husband that he would leave me, I have gotten over that a bit but who knows maybe these fears are now what make me carry on because while I am trying I have not failed (that make any sense).
Wendy
I too can identify with Stacis feelings about giving up and going down the adoption route. I have certainly felt that way before, I think after my second failed attempt I was completely ready to give up. I think its natural to feel like that because no matter how normal you keep your life in between treatments when they start your whole world is turned upside down.
I think everyone knows how much they can take and to be fair I have gone through far more treatments than I ever intended and now I don't know how many more I'll do. I had run out of hope but my short lived positive has given me my hope back.
Its always worth while using your frosties, its a far easier process than a full cycle, emotionally its still hard but just not having to attend the hospital as much and not having to worry about EC does ease the stress you are putting yourself under.
I won't pretend to know anything about the body image stuff, I am slightly overweight but I quite like my figure and have been lucky enough never to suffer from an eating disorder although I could do with losing a few pounds. My demons were more fear of failure, fear that when the reality of negative results hit my husband that he would leave me, I have gotten over that a bit but who knows maybe these fears are now what make me carry on because while I am trying I have not failed (that make any sense).
Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
Staci,
I wanted to sympathize with your fight with DH. We have had our worst fights over TTC both before and after we knew about my infertility problem. We aren't much for communication anyway, and this process had really forced us to talk much more than what is comforatable for us. I do feel that it has helped us in the long run, though. Going through it has made us stronger. Before my first failed IVF, I finally knew for 100% certain that I would stay with him even if it meant we would never have children.
My DH was against adoption for us, too. It is an odd thing with men. It's like we women love all children, but men fear that they could only love their own biological child. I think he would have come around after a couple more treatments, though. Perhaps we will never know.
Wendy,
As for how many treatments to do - it is harder for you women who are younger, because the hope stays with you. I was already 37 when I found out that I had this problem. I was a little relieved that I was already so old, because I knew the process would be over in a couple of years no matter how we handled it. I thougth I would do one IVF and then FETs with any frosties and that was it. Having gone through IVF now, I'm not so sure I wouldn't do it again. It was emotionally very difficult, but the process itself was not nearly as bad as I had feared.
Good luck to us all,
Alicia
I wanted to sympathize with your fight with DH. We have had our worst fights over TTC both before and after we knew about my infertility problem. We aren't much for communication anyway, and this process had really forced us to talk much more than what is comforatable for us. I do feel that it has helped us in the long run, though. Going through it has made us stronger. Before my first failed IVF, I finally knew for 100% certain that I would stay with him even if it meant we would never have children.
My DH was against adoption for us, too. It is an odd thing with men. It's like we women love all children, but men fear that they could only love their own biological child. I think he would have come around after a couple more treatments, though. Perhaps we will never know.
Wendy,
As for how many treatments to do - it is harder for you women who are younger, because the hope stays with you. I was already 37 when I found out that I had this problem. I was a little relieved that I was already so old, because I knew the process would be over in a couple of years no matter how we handled it. I thougth I would do one IVF and then FETs with any frosties and that was it. Having gone through IVF now, I'm not so sure I wouldn't do it again. It was emotionally very difficult, but the process itself was not nearly as bad as I had feared.
Good luck to us all,
Alicia
Jaye,
That is great that you at least started the ball rolling with looking into adoption...esp. since it takes so much time. Have you given thought to what age you'd want to adopt, what country, etc. yet? At least you know that you will be having a family one way or the other.
I'm glad your DH is willing to go along with that plan as well. It definitely helps to both be on the same page.
As far as talking to my DH about the adoption issue and why he seems against it, it's kind of strange because the one night last month we had talked about it, he really didn't seem so against it at all. I mean he even wrote a letter of interest to an adoption agency he found online! I strongly suspect his mother has gotten into his head about the whole thing. No doubt he probably mentioned it to her and she pointed out a bunch of negatives. I don't think adoption is something she would be very keen on and she has been quite verbal all along about how two of her friends' daughters had done IVF 3 or 4 times before being successful (meaning she doesn't see why I won't keep trying and might even view me as being inconsiderate of DH by not doing so). I mean the reality is some people can emotionally, physically and financially handle doing it many times and some can't. Let's just say I know for certainty I fall into the "can't" category on all 3 counts! I expressed this to her one night at dinner when she seemed to be trying to sell me on the issue again (in a not very nice tone since it was about the 3rd time she had brought it up in less than 2 weeks after my -ive!). Since then, she has avoided the topic with me so I think she knows where I stand. The thing is I know she means well in her own way and I know she really wants grandchildren but she isn't the one going through the experience and I have to say, if one were to put her in my shoes when she was younger, I would place a huge bet that she would not have even done it once.
At any rate, I'm hoping my DH will go back to considering adoption but, like you said, I guess anytime in the near future is the wrong time to bring it up. It's obvious that I put him in a situation where, all of the sudden, he felt like it was down to a choice between doing the FET or adoption. I guess what I'll have to do is follow through with the FET. To be quite honest, I have very little hope it will work. If you remember, I'm using Day 5 morulaes (they were a day behind in development). If it doesn't work, I'm almost willing to bet he will bring the idea of adoption up again on his own in time. I know he really wants children and I do think he might come around to adoption again once he knows the door has been closed on having a biological child.
Wendy,
I do admire you for your resolve! Like Alicia said, you are still young so good for you for doing what you can handle....although I can see where that would also make it more difficult as well because you know you have a lot of good years left to try. I'm going to be 35 in Nov. and can't believe that before we realized we had problems, I was convinced I was going to have the 2 children we wanted before I turned 35 because I really didn't want to be an older mother. So much for that plan!
Alicia,
I thought that DH and I actually communicated pretty well about things. It wasn't until we headed down this road that I realized our communication skills could use a lot of improvement. He is just not very patient when it comes to my talking about things that make him feel uncomfortable. And, he doesn't indicate what he is feeling very often. Meanwhile, I tend to talk about things too much just for the sake of getting them out of my system. He doesn't understand the point of talking about a problem unless it's for the reason of coming up with a solution. Sometimes, just having him listen to me is really all I need, but whenever I express any kind of distress to him, he feels like I'm looking to him to do something to resolve it. I'm just hoping our relationship will end up stronger in the end no matter how things turn out.
Yikes. I've been very long winded lately, haven't I?!
Anyway, guess I'll say goodbye for now as I should start making dinner at some point.
Staci
That is great that you at least started the ball rolling with looking into adoption...esp. since it takes so much time. Have you given thought to what age you'd want to adopt, what country, etc. yet? At least you know that you will be having a family one way or the other.
I'm glad your DH is willing to go along with that plan as well. It definitely helps to both be on the same page.
As far as talking to my DH about the adoption issue and why he seems against it, it's kind of strange because the one night last month we had talked about it, he really didn't seem so against it at all. I mean he even wrote a letter of interest to an adoption agency he found online! I strongly suspect his mother has gotten into his head about the whole thing. No doubt he probably mentioned it to her and she pointed out a bunch of negatives. I don't think adoption is something she would be very keen on and she has been quite verbal all along about how two of her friends' daughters had done IVF 3 or 4 times before being successful (meaning she doesn't see why I won't keep trying and might even view me as being inconsiderate of DH by not doing so). I mean the reality is some people can emotionally, physically and financially handle doing it many times and some can't. Let's just say I know for certainty I fall into the "can't" category on all 3 counts! I expressed this to her one night at dinner when she seemed to be trying to sell me on the issue again (in a not very nice tone since it was about the 3rd time she had brought it up in less than 2 weeks after my -ive!). Since then, she has avoided the topic with me so I think she knows where I stand. The thing is I know she means well in her own way and I know she really wants grandchildren but she isn't the one going through the experience and I have to say, if one were to put her in my shoes when she was younger, I would place a huge bet that she would not have even done it once.
At any rate, I'm hoping my DH will go back to considering adoption but, like you said, I guess anytime in the near future is the wrong time to bring it up. It's obvious that I put him in a situation where, all of the sudden, he felt like it was down to a choice between doing the FET or adoption. I guess what I'll have to do is follow through with the FET. To be quite honest, I have very little hope it will work. If you remember, I'm using Day 5 morulaes (they were a day behind in development). If it doesn't work, I'm almost willing to bet he will bring the idea of adoption up again on his own in time. I know he really wants children and I do think he might come around to adoption again once he knows the door has been closed on having a biological child.
Wendy,
I do admire you for your resolve! Like Alicia said, you are still young so good for you for doing what you can handle....although I can see where that would also make it more difficult as well because you know you have a lot of good years left to try. I'm going to be 35 in Nov. and can't believe that before we realized we had problems, I was convinced I was going to have the 2 children we wanted before I turned 35 because I really didn't want to be an older mother. So much for that plan!
Alicia,
I thought that DH and I actually communicated pretty well about things. It wasn't until we headed down this road that I realized our communication skills could use a lot of improvement. He is just not very patient when it comes to my talking about things that make him feel uncomfortable. And, he doesn't indicate what he is feeling very often. Meanwhile, I tend to talk about things too much just for the sake of getting them out of my system. He doesn't understand the point of talking about a problem unless it's for the reason of coming up with a solution. Sometimes, just having him listen to me is really all I need, but whenever I express any kind of distress to him, he feels like I'm looking to him to do something to resolve it. I'm just hoping our relationship will end up stronger in the end no matter how things turn out.
Yikes. I've been very long winded lately, haven't I?!
Anyway, guess I'll say goodbye for now as I should start making dinner at some point.
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
Hi everyone,
Funny how everyone's posts are getting longer and longer - guess that what happens when you have something to talk about other than what's going on with your tmt right now!
Wow, Staci, your MIL sounds like a real liability... my MIL was pretty bad with the grandchildren stuff - the first time I met her she commented on my hips and asked about my genes! DH told them - none too subtly - to lay off and they have. They wouldn't care what kind of grandchildren they had or where they came from. I couldn't cope with your situation.
As for adoption, we like the idea of China - we have both been there and feel like we know quite alot about the country, and I would like to be able to tell our children something about their country of origin and feel some connection with it - there are plenty of countries we could adopt from, like Ethiopia, that I really feel like I couldn't even begin to tell our children about - although of course we would know more if we had a child from there.
Anyway, don't worry re. the 5 day morulas - they're just little girls! (who was it that told us that?)
Wendy - how old are you? Are you 30? Like Alicia said, in some ways (Most) I wish I was younger - I was 34 when we started treatment - coz of course it gives you alot better chance. But in others, I guess I'm also glad it'll be over either way in a few years - I guess that is an advantage.
Take care all,
Jaye
Funny how everyone's posts are getting longer and longer - guess that what happens when you have something to talk about other than what's going on with your tmt right now!
Wow, Staci, your MIL sounds like a real liability... my MIL was pretty bad with the grandchildren stuff - the first time I met her she commented on my hips and asked about my genes! DH told them - none too subtly - to lay off and they have. They wouldn't care what kind of grandchildren they had or where they came from. I couldn't cope with your situation.
As for adoption, we like the idea of China - we have both been there and feel like we know quite alot about the country, and I would like to be able to tell our children something about their country of origin and feel some connection with it - there are plenty of countries we could adopt from, like Ethiopia, that I really feel like I couldn't even begin to tell our children about - although of course we would know more if we had a child from there.
Anyway, don't worry re. the 5 day morulas - they're just little girls! (who was it that told us that?)
Wendy - how old are you? Are you 30? Like Alicia said, in some ways (Most) I wish I was younger - I was 34 when we started treatment - coz of course it gives you alot better chance. But in others, I guess I'm also glad it'll be over either way in a few years - I guess that is an advantage.
Take care all,
Jaye
me 34, dh 36
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
TTC 3 yrs, lap oct 02, 'unexplained'
3 x IUIs 2003, all -ve
IVF 4/04 & 8/04, both early m/c. 11/04 -ve
So much in life to be grateful for.
Jaye,
I also wanted to adopt a baby girl from China. DH was not into it when we last discussed it. But if these two are both boys
I'm hoping he'll go for the adoption for the next one. I have never been to China, but I love the culture and hope to go one day. I've only been to Hong Kong, and that was such an exciting city.
I am much more familiar with Indian culture, having lived there for a few years as a small child, and traveled there on vacation. I have many Indian friends. But typically you cannot adopt a child from there unless you are Indian. I think it's because the Hindu religion could not be passed down by a non-Hindu.
Alicia
I also wanted to adopt a baby girl from China. DH was not into it when we last discussed it. But if these two are both boys
I'm hoping he'll go for the adoption for the next one. I have never been to China, but I love the culture and hope to go one day. I've only been to Hong Kong, and that was such an exciting city.I am much more familiar with Indian culture, having lived there for a few years as a small child, and traveled there on vacation. I have many Indian friends. But typically you cannot adopt a child from there unless you are Indian. I think it's because the Hindu religion could not be passed down by a non-Hindu.
Alicia
Gosh .... it's taken me forever to catch up on all your stories girls, after not loggin in for almost 3 weeks.... you have been busy !
We had our follow up meeting at the hospital on 1 Oct, as next time will be our first FET. A few things surprised us :
(1) The FET will be counted as part of the last, 2nd treatment. I had thought that this would be classed as a third treatment. We are allowed 3 free NHS cycles (I know, we're extremely lucky), so even if the FETs don't work out, there's still another full free cycle to go. I was gob smacked.
(2) The doctor said that once the frozen embryo has successfully thawed, it stands just as much chance of fertilising as a fresh embryo. I didn't think this was the case.
(3) That even if we waited for 5 years (or however long) before doing the FET, the frozen embryos would still only be the age at which they were frozen (ie. 35 yrs old), and it wouldn't matter that my body was older.
So, all in all, we were pleased what we heard .... but I'm not sure if I believe (2) ...? What do you think / have you read anything different ?
Sandra x
We had our follow up meeting at the hospital on 1 Oct, as next time will be our first FET. A few things surprised us :
(1) The FET will be counted as part of the last, 2nd treatment. I had thought that this would be classed as a third treatment. We are allowed 3 free NHS cycles (I know, we're extremely lucky), so even if the FETs don't work out, there's still another full free cycle to go. I was gob smacked.
(2) The doctor said that once the frozen embryo has successfully thawed, it stands just as much chance of fertilising as a fresh embryo. I didn't think this was the case.
(3) That even if we waited for 5 years (or however long) before doing the FET, the frozen embryos would still only be the age at which they were frozen (ie. 35 yrs old), and it wouldn't matter that my body was older.
So, all in all, we were pleased what we heard .... but I'm not sure if I believe (2) ...? What do you think / have you read anything different ?
Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
Hi Sandra
Nice to hear from you, hows your dp doing now?
Thats great news about your FET counting with your last cycle it was the same for us.
Our clinic also say that there is very little if any difference in the sucess rates for fet compared to a full cycle, although this has not always been the case. The tricky bit is hoping they all survive the thaw.
Agree with 3 as well, my frosties are from our cycle last winter so they will be a year and a wee bit younger than me when they are put back.
When is your FET planned for, mine is December, however, can see that being a bit up in the air unless my period returns soon! (not that I'm wishing for it)
Hope everyone else is doing well.
Love Wendy
Nice to hear from you, hows your dp doing now?
Thats great news about your FET counting with your last cycle it was the same for us.
Our clinic also say that there is very little if any difference in the sucess rates for fet compared to a full cycle, although this has not always been the case. The tricky bit is hoping they all survive the thaw.
Agree with 3 as well, my frosties are from our cycle last winter so they will be a year and a wee bit younger than me when they are put back.
When is your FET planned for, mine is December, however, can see that being a bit up in the air unless my period returns soon! (not that I'm wishing for it)
Hope everyone else is doing well.
Love Wendy
TTC 7yrs, Me 35 (severe endo) DH 36
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
IVF nov06 8th time lucky BFP! - 1 baby boy
FET Aug o8 - BFN
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;28/st/20070804/n/Joe/dt/6/k/5ec9/age.png[/img]
Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well.
Today has not been the most positive day(bad choice of words!). I have just spent the last three hours searching the Internet for HOPE, and I mean that literally. My final search was "FET hope". I wished somewhere I could find some answers. Unfortunaly the more I look for answers the more in doubt I become about my situation. I have a million questions and I can not find one website that will give me a definative answer.
Question....Will my next FET work?.... circle yes or no ( simple enough)
Answer....Your future is uncertain...check back later
*%$#!!!!!
The uncertainty of infertility and the lack of control I have over my body is enough to drive me crazy. It is one thing to have difficult concieving, but having to go through all the treatments, consultations, and lifestyle changes to find out all I can really do is "wait and hope" is more than I can handle!
I am sitting here waiting for my husband to come home. He will not like me in the mood I am in. He will not want to listen to me rattle on...
"will it work next time?...what if it don't work?... do you think freezing on day 6 was smart...maybe we should have went to a different clinic... you know I read this and this and this online... what do you think...how do you feel... aren't you scared... OMG...don't you know how scared I am...why can't you understand!"
I'm scared.
I guess that it it in a nutshell. I am scared to DEATH! I am suppose to be hopeful for this next treatment? Hopeful? I was hopeful last time and where did it get me. This time I need to be realistic. I don't think that will work either...I am just not the gambling kind of person.
So, today is a bad day. I am sorry for the rant. I expect tomorrow will be better at least I HOPE!
Today has not been the most positive day(bad choice of words!). I have just spent the last three hours searching the Internet for HOPE, and I mean that literally. My final search was "FET hope". I wished somewhere I could find some answers. Unfortunaly the more I look for answers the more in doubt I become about my situation. I have a million questions and I can not find one website that will give me a definative answer.
Question....Will my next FET work?.... circle yes or no ( simple enough)
Answer....Your future is uncertain...check back later
*%$#!!!!!
The uncertainty of infertility and the lack of control I have over my body is enough to drive me crazy. It is one thing to have difficult concieving, but having to go through all the treatments, consultations, and lifestyle changes to find out all I can really do is "wait and hope" is more than I can handle!
I am sitting here waiting for my husband to come home. He will not like me in the mood I am in. He will not want to listen to me rattle on...
"will it work next time?...what if it don't work?... do you think freezing on day 6 was smart...maybe we should have went to a different clinic... you know I read this and this and this online... what do you think...how do you feel... aren't you scared... OMG...don't you know how scared I am...why can't you understand!"
I'm scared.
I guess that it it in a nutshell. I am scared to DEATH! I am suppose to be hopeful for this next treatment? Hopeful? I was hopeful last time and where did it get me. This time I need to be realistic. I don't think that will work either...I am just not the gambling kind of person.
So, today is a bad day. I am sorry for the rant. I expect tomorrow will be better at least I HOPE!
Mia,
I had some really low days during my FET treatment. It was awful at the end of ET when the lab tech and the doctors smiled and said "Good Luck". All I could think of was how fragmented and sad the little frosties looked compared to the good embies I had put back the first time when it didn't work. I was sure it had not worked during the 2ww and decided I would never put myself through it again.
Then I had a random conversation with my boss about how she feels she is one of the "lucky people". She always wins the lottery, her businesses are successful, etc. She said she always thinks "I'm going to win". She believes it helps her. So after that, I started thinking "Why not me? Why shouldn't it work for me?" because let's face it - getting pregnant from IVF is a lot like winning the lottery.
Everyone having FETs,
My totally unscientific belief about FET is that it actually has a very good chance of working for many of us. After the IVF, I had an early miscarriage. True, this could have been caused by chromosomal abnormalities. But it also can be caused by hormonal imbalances. The doctor said my estrogen was up a lot from the IVF drugs. Also, my thryroid levels were drifting away from where they should have been. With a natural FET cycle, I didn't have any of these problems, and so far (knock on wood) it has worked. So don't ever think an FET can't work. Good luck to all of you and I hope your next tmt is successful and not too emotionally draining.
Alicia
I had some really low days during my FET treatment. It was awful at the end of ET when the lab tech and the doctors smiled and said "Good Luck". All I could think of was how fragmented and sad the little frosties looked compared to the good embies I had put back the first time when it didn't work. I was sure it had not worked during the 2ww and decided I would never put myself through it again.
Then I had a random conversation with my boss about how she feels she is one of the "lucky people". She always wins the lottery, her businesses are successful, etc. She said she always thinks "I'm going to win". She believes it helps her. So after that, I started thinking "Why not me? Why shouldn't it work for me?" because let's face it - getting pregnant from IVF is a lot like winning the lottery.
Everyone having FETs,
My totally unscientific belief about FET is that it actually has a very good chance of working for many of us. After the IVF, I had an early miscarriage. True, this could have been caused by chromosomal abnormalities. But it also can be caused by hormonal imbalances. The doctor said my estrogen was up a lot from the IVF drugs. Also, my thryroid levels were drifting away from where they should have been. With a natural FET cycle, I didn't have any of these problems, and so far (knock on wood) it has worked. So don't ever think an FET can't work. Good luck to all of you and I hope your next tmt is successful and not too emotionally draining.
Alicia