Most stupid comments from outsiders?

[Lana]

Hi girls,
This is one of the funniest threads! I just have to put in my two cents:
"have you tried...(eg Clomid), I heard people get pregnant on that very quickly"? (No. I hadn't considered that. Maybe i should ask my SPECIALIST about that one!).

"Just relax. It will happen when it's time" (Yes. Of course. And i'll grow a
sixth finger on my right hand when it's the right time).

"you should go on holiday" (Will you pay for it?).

"It's common for people to have ectopics" (I know. But with IVF??? Get your facts straight, buddy! (this one was from my father))

"at least you know you can fall pregnant". (This is my all time worst!!!! Maybe it was luck the first time and my luck's run out?! HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT??)

And ... "at least you have one child already. Juat be grateful for what you have". (The guilt in this one is enough to stop you from trying for a second. There's a sense of i should be happy with what I have and I shouldn't WANT more. I'm greedy. I haven't figured out a way of dealing with this comment apart from "I know I'm lucky, but the longing for another child is just as raw as it was for my first")

Well at least people are usually too stupid to know that we think they're so stupid! Otherwise we'd damage their self esteem. I tend to not tell people anything anymore. My problem is that if i confide in my mother SHE is a motor mouth and SHE tells people and then I have to explain things to others. That's a big problem for me.
Love Lana

[AMITHIS]

Lana,

Those were good. Your first one reminded me of one from my MIL last week,

Regarding the FET I'm doing right now, "Maybe you should take folic acid. I've heard it helps with fertilization".

Huh???

Keeping in mind this was from the same person who actually asked me if I made sure to elevate my legs after BD (wow, amazing how I never thought of that in all the years we've been trying), I just told her I was already taking it to prevent birth defects and left it at that. I wasn't about to attempt explaining to her that, for one, it's a little late for fertilization once the embryo has already been created.

I mean would it kill family and friends who know what is going on to just spend a half hour reading some information about infertility and ART on the internet in an effort to have a little better understanding of what we're going through and to avoid saying stupid things to us?!

I almost sent my mother a list I found somewhere of things not to say to an infertile couple (she had already gone through just about all of them) but I couldn't bring myself to do it. On one hand, I know she is trying to make me feel better but, by saying stupid things like "it will happen when it's time" or "stress plays a very big role and once you stop thinking about it, it will happen", it seems like she's trying to gloss over the fact that we have a very real, legitimate medical problem preventing it from working for us. It's not something that's just going to magically resolve itself!!

Staci

[Lana]

Hi Staci,
Here's a suggestion: considering the people around us have no qualms about saying stupid things, i think it gives us LEGITIMATE reasons to reciprocate the behaviour. Plus. with all the hormones raging through our bodies, we have a RIGHT to be aggro! So i think that you should send your mom that list because she'll probably disregard it anyway, saying that "you are going through a hard time and I know you didn't mean anything by it" anyway!!! Have you had that response from people when you try to tell them to back off or stop being insesitive?? ARGH! It's so hard to deal with the compounded pressure from outsiders.
Good luck with your FET. I had one at the end of 2004. I found it much easier than a full IVF, both physically and emotionally! Hang in there.
Love Lana

[sammys]

My co-worker whom I'm not too fond of to begin with, after I opened my stupid mouth and confided that my emotional outbursts were due to a "SH__T load" of injectible hormones said "Oh my god, aren't you worried that all those drugs will give you CANCER?" Oh actually no, I'm not worried at all...actually along with all of my depression of not concieving and sleepless nights of anxiety that I will die a lonely old woman with nobody to take care of me or invite me to their home for holidays, it did not occur to me that these drugs might not only fail to cure my infertility but also as a big bonus give me cancer!!!! I swear to god if the look I gave her didn't express what I wanted to do to her, nothing would! people can really be the MOST ignorant species alive!

[debbieed]

Hello All,
I've heard many of these responses too. I have chosen not to tell too many people but those I have told have often said stupid things. The 'relax and stop worring about it' seems to be the most common but I'm running out of time to stop worrying about it and it hasn't happened in over 4 years of trying!
The other thing I've found is that when I first tell people they don't know how to respond - especially my boss who was probably thinking (oh bu**er) but actually said 'congratulations'!!! What for - having to go through IVF? He was actually very sympathetic and accommodating through my last cycle but he still didn't ever know what to say.
I guess it's outside of most peoples experience so we should all help to educate them -easier said than done when you are feeling like s**t.
I guess we should forget about what people say and concentrate on a PMA to get us through this awful time.

Hugs to everyone

Debbie

[Maggs]

After speaking to boss about the time I would need off work I was told - "Don't be off to often your work is much more important than a trying to get pg"..............

[Jools]

I'm soooo loving this thread!

My best one has got to be my GP, when I went to ask for some stronger painkillers for my period pains and she said that I could do with a pregnancy to sort me out. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... can't she read my notes? When I said 'I wish' she then started writing a prescription! Cow!

Oh yeah, and about a month after my m/c, my mum told me my dad was wondering why I hadn't got over it yet and I should probably start trying to pull myself together. Right.....

I could probably repeat loads of what has previously been written too. Sods law hasn't worked for me yet though....

Jools xx

[jill dickens]

How about this one Jools,

"So you haven't started popping the sprogs out yet?"
"Er no, no not yet"
"Why not, presumably you're having sex aren't you?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unbelievable yet true love Jill xxx

[ogr1]

why are people so stupid

[Mo71]

This is sooo funny! All your responses and little stories can really crack you up! One should make a theater piece out of this, or maybe a stand-up comedy.

Hey Jill, after all this comment came closer to the truth than others. I never heard of getting pregnant by relaxing or vacationing, sex should actually be more succesful.

I personally share the opinion that these people ought to switch on their brains before talking. We are the ones who need support and understanding, it's not my turn to understand THEIR failure to react properly. If somebody goes through cancer treatment, I neither say to him/her: "Hey, how's your chemo going, still having all those nasty metastases or what?".

Anyway, I am not angry on them forever. This experience makes us probably more mature in dealing with other people's maladies.

[danica]

i agree mo and this thread is a classic!! - we should write a book!! its been quite entertaining!
apart from the usual 'dont stress' 'try to relax and it will happen' blah blah blah some of the comments still take me for a sixer - DH's uncle said (at a bbq in front of heaps of ppl) 'my god, look at all your pimples', i said (very timidly) 'its just one of the many side affects of the drugs', he said, 'oh yeah, you're doing that [i]VIF [/i]stuff'... another one from DH's granny knowing that we've been trying for years and so desperately want kids - stupid us told her we're starting treatment she said 'oh dont do that, u dont need to have children'... but i think the all time classic was when MIL said that she was actually praying to god that we DONT get preg coz [i]she [/i]cant handle if our child turned out to be gay (BIL is gay big woop!)
is DH's family normal???
WOT THE?????!!!!!!!!!

[nicolamark]

This is a great thread..... People who have got kids from just having sex a few times just dont know jack shit about conception.

Our problem is that dh has no sperm and still people say to us "relax"
Do they not hear us? DH HAS NO SPERM!!! SO HOW THE HELL WILL RELAXING HELP!!!!

[nicolamark]

Also we have been told to try doggy style!!!

That wont bloody help, if there is no sperm. MAKES U LAUGH HUH??

[DebraP]

Nicola.......oh your posts made me ROFL...something all too rare on this board. Thank you so much for cheering up my Sunday night

Debra.

[AMITHIS]

Nicola,

That is too funny. Our issue is male factor too and my mother and mother in law (who have both been told what the issue is) both irritate the hell out of me. My mother gives me the "it will happen when you least expect it" (maybe there is an immaculate conception in store for me?) and "just stop thinking about it and it will happen".

Meanwhile, my MIL sends me all this information about special foods I can eat to help fertility and has actually given me the legs up in the air for 20 minutes after sex advice and acted like she was telling me some big secret.

The things we have to endure!

Staci