Hey guys,
Glad to see some people around!
lee,
Hi sweetie, this is one of the big days!
Your embies will wake up today, yahoo! I'll keep everything crossed for you. Great news about the photoshoot, lol about the zit! Gee, I'm so glad to be ridden of these for now... sure they will come back in full force this summer with the hormonal changes! About your embies, well just trust them, they will find their way. During my last FET, the embryologist told me that my embies were only medium quality because they had a couple of dead cells (died in the freezing-thawing process). I still became pregnant and my boy is in perfect shape. So just have faith in your little fighters, and let them do the work!
*hugs*
Carolyn,
Great to have you back, so glad you enjoyed your spa!!!! Did your SIL and mother have fun? Or was it your MIL? Sorry you had an icky day yesterday... I wanted to write but got trapped by work... I did send you lots of good vibes though. Trying again is never just happy-go-lucky-easy, there are good and bad days. You're not freaking about every single little detail like a first timer, but you're still going through an emotional journey. I really hope this is your time sweetie; I'll keep sending tons of baby dust!
You asked about my due date: May 2nd.
Miracle,
Hi babe! So great to hear about your friend's recovery, she's a real trooper! She's lucky to have a friend like you! No wonder you're tired sweetie, with work and school and your friend! *hugs* Yet you still manage to get everything done, kudos to you, it says loads about your inner strength. I hope you had a great weekend; how are the doggies? My doggies are doing great; it's been easier to walk them now that the snow has melted a little bit and we can mostly walk on the pavement. we've been working on eating these past few days, and we really, really wait until their energy is very calm-submissive before we give them food. It's nice to hear some munching now, they're eating much slower.
As for me, well I had a peculiar weekend. I exchanged a few tricky emails with my mother and the dialogue was really difficult. She's in the orthodox church and it's become the center of her life for the past 5 years or so. She's very involved in it and, being a psychiatrist (medical training), she's also been writing about bio-ethics. Some of you may remember the day my mother compared IVF to abortion because embryos are destroyed in the process, not to mention human interference with a process that should be God's work only (and yes, told me to my face and said I should consider adoption instead).
When I miscarried last year, she asked if we had chosen a name for the baby because she wanted it to be named during a ceremony. Given that it died at 7 weeks, we had no name, so she asked if she could choose one for that purpose and, given that I was still adapting to the whole thing and she lives in Maryland anyway, I just told her to do what she wanted. I thought it would be a one-time thing, ya know? I never gave it another thought, until...
On Saturday, she casually dropped at the beginning of her email that there had been a memorial ceremony and that of course my deceased baby had been named in it. I told her that I wasn't expecting that kind of reminder and that the experience was not pleasant. She replied that she was sorry that she had hurt my feelings... but added that she had welcomed that baby into her heart the second it had been conceived, that she'd been praying for it every single day ever since, lighting a candle for it every weekend, and that it was named in every mourning ceremony she attended. And she said that she wouldn't
abandon it.
I still don't know how to define my profound uneasiness with this... but in a way I feel like I've been robbed of something. Like she took my deceased baby and made it hers in a way. I mean, I appreciated her mourning the loss with me when I told her about it, but this... I find that behavior quite extreme... at least she agreed not to mention it ever again, but still it's been said and I won't forget that my mother "interacts" with my deceased baby once a day! It feels really weird. And mind you, she's doing it for herself, and for the baby's "soul", I wouldn't even be surprised that she had it baptized according to the orthodox rites but didn't tell me. It really feels like she's invaded a very private episode in my life, and yet there's nothing I can do about it. She has the right to mourn according to her beliefs...
I took the occasion to tell her that we chose not to have our son baptized because we don't want to impose any religion on him. If DH agrees, we would do a universal ritual during a family gathering and give our son a universal blessing. We want to expose him to several religious philosophies and spirituality in general, and let him choose, if he chooses, what spiritual path feels best for him. I specifically told my mother that I didn't want to discuss this, that I was just informing her, but of course she still wrote about how sad it made her feel, that she was sure I would take excellent care of him medically but wouldn't let him decide whether or not he should see a pediatrist, so it made no sense that I would let him decide for his eternal soul, etc.
So it took several emails for her to finally accept that, unless I clearly asked for her opinion or advice, she wouldn't give it. I don't mind her having an opinion, whatever it is. I mind her voicing it when I'm not asking for it and my choices are made, and I mind her using strong words like abortion and eternal soul, see what I mean? It was quite a saga and I'm glad that it's over for now. The woman left when I was 4 years old and we've been corresponding on a steady basis only since last June! All my life she had been a very unstable and toxic element in and out of my life since then. It's her last (fourth!) marriage and the orthodox faith that seemed to stabilize her a bit, but I see that her nature is still there. So she has to learn her place. Geez...DH has never met her, and doesn't want to unless he absolutely has to... he considers her an extremist and fanatic, and he's not far from the truth I think. Like him, I actively avoid discussing with extremists, no matter what the subject is, because there's just no use, there's no flexibility.
On a happier note, we had the ultrasound yesterday! The baby has turned and chances are that he'll stay in that good position. Everything is still normal, but we were a bit surprised by his percentile... 20!!!
The margin of error is quite big, the centile is only used to detect extremes (like a reeeeeally small or big baby), but being so tall and DH too, I was expecting a bigger number. Right now, his weight was estimated at 2kg (4.4 pounds), and they said the baby would weigh around 6.4 pounds if I deliver at 40 weeks (so it's a good weight, but not a big baby, hence the 20th centile). So he surprised us, but there's nothing to worry about; one growth spree and all the numbers could change radically. I've been told I shouldn't complain, because it looks like he'll be easy to push out!
We got amazing pics of his face; one really looks like he fell asleep in a blanket, I'll put them on photobucket and email the link if some people are interested.
Still no news of the photograph...
can't wait to see those samples! Still no news of my boss either... can't wait for him to call and tell me whether or not I can be off the hook!
Take care ladies, and have a great day,
Sophie xxox
. I was simply talking about my personal way of dealing with things. Having said that I do respect the fact that everyone deals with things in their own way. Theres no right or wrong to it. I was just expressing my thoughts.